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The Funeral Business

"So I'm going into the funeral business," my mother declared to me on the phone last night.

"What?"

"Well we had another Quilt Til You Wilt Night, and I was talking to so-and-so, and we're both panicking that we won't have enough money to retire on, so we need to come up with some ideas. And I was just quilting a log-cabin square when she said to me, how about we start a funeral parlor?"

"Were you drinking?"

"Well yes, and it was 2am, but you get the best ideas at that kind of hour!"

Apparently her friend works at a nursing home and "sees a lot of dead people" and there's only one funeral director in town and he's "not particularly sensitive". They've decided there's a market for a different kind of funeral service.

"And what would you do differently?"

"Oh! You know, talk to the families more, find out how they really want to remember their loved one, perhaps a less traditional funeral, maybe some stencilling on the coffin or something…"

"So you mean like White Lady Funerals?"

"No, no… we're thinking more mauve… or lilac…"

It alarms me how serious she sounded. She also said her years of make-up artist experience as a Nutri-Metics lady would come in handy. Then again, it was only a short while ago she was cooking up a scheme with her friends to start a mobile sex toy shop. You know, like a bookmobile, except with vibrators and fluffy handcuffs, giving a whole new meaning to Mr Whippy.

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About Shauna Reid

Ahoy there! I’m an author, copywriter and old school blogger. I love telling stories about life and helping my clients to tell theirs. Find out more about me and how we can work together.


15 thoughts on “The Funeral Business

  1. Hi there, my name is xeng, i am interested in building a funeral home business for the hmong community. However, i don’t know much about what to do, how to start, and what to expect. If you know, and would like to share, it would be a pleasure.

    Thank You,

    Xeng Yang

  2. I HAVE OPENED A NUMBER OF FUNERAL HOMES AND I AM IN THE PROCESS OF OPENING ANOTHER, I MAY BE ABLE TO HELP.

  3. I am also interested in learning about the funeral business, i.e. how to start, what to expect and what certifications I need.

    Can you help?
    Jim

  4. I’m interested in opening a funeral home. I need info on building requirements, costs, licenses, etc….

    Thanks for any help.
    John

  5. I am interested in learning about the funeral home business. How to get started, guideline and certification are needed.

  6. I have all the information on what your looking for in funeral services building permts certification licenses ect..

  7. I am interested in opening a funeral home.
    I need more info on building requirements,
    cost, licenses, ect.

    Thank You,

    JIM

  8. Hello I ‘m trying to open a funeral home in the state of Texas please can somebody tell me how to get started.

  9. My partner and I are looking to get in the Funeral Business, possibly even opening a home within 5 years. WE NEED ALL THE INFO WE CAN GET!!! Anything would be helpful at this point. THANK YOU!!!

  10. Would like information on the funeral business. I appreciate any information on running the business and how to get started.

  11. I am interested in working at a funeral home.
    What kind of licensing do you need and what kind of job opportunities are available. I have a property/casuality license can I use that for anything.

  12. I’m interested in the funeral business also, I need info on start- up fees and procedures, buildings, licenses, insurance etc.

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