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Hermit

Help me with excuses for why I shouldn't be forced to go out tonight. My ideas so far:

1. Don't wanna.

2. I have a sore leg [this was our excuse for all seasons in high school. Didn't do my homework coz I had sore leg. I can't kiss your grotty mouth o' braces because I've got a sore leg. I need five dollars because I have a sore leg.]

3. I can't miss Burke's Backyard

4. If Harry is left unsupervised every shanky ho-dog in town will take over our yard.

5. I'm writing the world's most shithouse novel, dammit.

6. Because I am sick of going places with you perfect flatmates who always look so goddamn glamourous and perfect and make me feel perfectly inadequate.

7. The neighbours across the street invited me over for cocktails, Bible Study and wild orgies. Hmmm.

UPDATE: HA! Went out! Had good time. Silly me.

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About Shauna Reid

Ahoy there! I’m an author, copywriter and old school blogger. I love telling stories about life and helping my clients to tell theirs. Find out more about me and how we can work together.


21 thoughts on “Hermit

  1. no offence to people with braces, mind. just back in my era, there some who weren’t particularly mindful of dental hygiene. then there were the freaks with dental plates who insisted on flipping the plate out when it had chunks of food on it for the whole freaking world to see. deelightful. i want to sleep now. thankyou.

  2. Maybe you could say you’re writing the world’s most shit *hot* novel about what would happen if the beardie guy from Burke’s Backyard (i’m guessing he’s Burke, right?) fell in love with your impossibly glamorous flatmate and had his heart broken, leading him to throw himself off a cliff and get a sore leg, and then be ravaged by all the neighbourhood’s skanky dogs, instead of Harry?

    I really should have better things to do. But honestly, it sounds like an Oprah book club favourite!

  3. Try the Excusizer.

    Example:

    Hey Flatmates, I won’t be able to fulfill our previous plans, because I died yesterday at 3.40pm. Such a shame. So that’s that then
    – Shauny

  4. You consulted the lucky 8-ball, and it implied it was extremely baaad luck to venture out into the night on this occasion. Unless of course you were dressed as Katherine the Great. Then things would be a-ok.

  5. “butt is too big” has the unfortunate disadvantage of offending the asker. If you weren’t worried about giving offence, why not just say “no, I hate you and I don’t want anything to do with you, okay?”?

    IIRC, “I believe I shall be washing my hair” is the traditional excuse. Didn’t work for me when I tried to get out of a detention, though :o(

    “I can’t miss Burke’s Backyard” makes you sound pretty, well, *pathetic*, mind… :o)

  6. Argument About Capital Of Australia Occurs 10 Feet From Encyclopedia
    ORD, NE— Brothers Jeff and Adam Clink spent 20 minutes fiercely debating the capital of Australia while standing 10 feet from the family’s World Book encyclopedia Monday. “You’re high,” Jeff, 18, told Adam. “It’s Sydney.” Adam, who said he is “99.99 percent sure” that Melbourne is the capital, conceded that one city might be the capital of the Australian continent and the other the capital of the nation.

    (courtesy of theonion.com)

  7. You know, having grown up a stone’s throw from Ord, Nebraska, I’d have to say this is an outrage! People from Ord would not even know that there was a continent or country called Australia, much less debate the whereabouts of its capital. . .

    Sheesh!

  8. Glad you had a good time.

    I gave you a call about the Lomo this morning when you were out, but don’t fret, I got the guy at the camera shop to take out the film for me. And if you want several piccies of wheat, they’re all yours. 🙂

  9. I make an effort to never leave the house. You never know what lies beyond those pearly white gates, it may well be heaven, but it’s most likley just gonna be the supermarket or someone else’s backyard which has less places to sit in.

  10. I can’t believe you turned your back on your neighbors’ offer of cocktails, Bible studies and wild orgies! Those kinds of opportunities don’t present themselves often.

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