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Get out of the kitchen

Who invented the Hot Dog Maker? How fucking difficult is it to heat up a bloody hot dog? Have you looked at the kitchen appliances on offer these days?

There's the Muffin Maker, in which you can make a grand total of three muffins at a time. Ditto for the Pie Maker and the Omelette Maker. Then there's the Popcorn Maker, Sandwich Grill, Health Grill and Rice Cooker. 

always thought you could achieve all those bloody things and more with a normal old stove and a frying pan. But no, it seems you need a different applicance for every dish and your shiny new applicance is guaranteed to make the job Quicker and E-Z and 97% Fat Free!

Chances are, I'll come home from work tomorrow, fling my bag down in the hall, scratch my chin thoughtfully and remark to Harry, "You know Harry, I really feel like prime beef fillet served on a bed of dirty carrot tops and poached hummingbird eggs with a rosemary and deer antler jus." And Harry will turn to me and say, "Well it's funny, today I just popped down to the shops and bought the brand new Breville Easy Prime Beef Fillet Served On A Bed Of Dirty Carrot Tops And Poached Hummingbird Eggs With A Rosemary And Deer Antler Jus Maker! It's so easy that even me, your flea ridden companion, can be a gourmet chef! I simply throw in the ingredients, press Start and walk away. Twenty minutes later you'll be dining in style."

It's hot today and I'm cranky. Mission Impossible 2 is one of the worst movies ever made.

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About Shauna Reid

Ahoy there! I’m an author, copywriter and old school blogger. I love telling stories about life and helping my clients to tell theirs. Find out more about me and how we can work together.


18 thoughts on “Get out of the kitchen

  1. Actually, my popcorn maker is great. No oil, just hot air. And my breadmaker, well you know I love that.

    But I think Harry would have trouble using them, with paws and all.

  2. I don’t know about you, but my kitchen isn’t big enough for those newfangled geegaws. Harry, however, being a Genius Dog©, warrants that bit there.

    Announcing my site, fully restored and fixed and everything. And I did it all by myself. Really. Go see.

  3. hey, i love my rice cooker, and my toasted sandwich maker! my kitchen is roughly the size of a postage stamp, but i’m not giving up either of them!

  4. Hehe. I have scads of those gadgetty things; my parents buy them, and then decide they don’t want them, and pass them on to me. So far I’ve inherited: a toasted sandwich maker (which I love; my parents then decided they couldn’t live without it and went out and bought another one!), a breadmaker (which is marvellous, but fresh homecooked bread makes you want to slather it with butter, and since I’ve lost a kilo and a half in my first week of post-Christmas diet, I am NOT wasting that on bread), a pie maker (like a toasted sandwich maker, except it cooks little mini pies instead; totally fucking useless), and an ice shaver (very cool in summer, but arsing around with *round* bricks of ice is an exercise in frustration). 🙂

  5. Hey, most *-cookers are goofy, but rice cookers are thoroughly and totally awesome. I always manage to screw up rice. Too much water or scorching; it was always one or the other.

    Plus, it lets me concentrate a bit more on the stuff that’s going to go ON the rice, which usually ends up making for a tastier meal overall.

  6. Rice cookers are one of those things that are so fantastically useful that it’s a constant astonishment to me that they didn’t just evolve in the first place.

  7. You know, now I think about it, it seems that all these various thingy cookers and whatsit makers are just ways for their manufacturers to make money. That’s all there is to it.

    Perhaps the makers of conventional kitchen appliances could fight back by renaming stoves as ‘multifood supercookers’, and calling kettles ‘hot water makers’?

  8. I’ve got this cool gadget in my kitchen, you just bump it a bit and it makes a wide variety of water, both hot and cold! I think they call it a tap…

  9. How does a hot dog maker work? I’m all curious now, not because I need one or anything, but my preferred method of cooking them involves sticking them in bubbling water until one or more break open, then eating the rest…

  10. I gotta admit I saw MI2 on Monday and I hated it! (although it was pretty cool seeing familiar scenes from Sydney)

    The fight scene near the end was the longest, drawn out, most boring scene in movie history. Oh and of course the baddy just had to come back to life ONE MORE TIME for effect.

    Then I saw Bridget Jones Diary yesterday and the fight scene in that is soooooo funny and so much closer to real life.

    You get hit… you fall down…end of fight. SIMPLE ENOUGH! Obviously not for Tom.

  11. I gave up on MI:2 when they started to do that hokey Scooby Doo mask BS. Yes, I know that was part of the original show.

  12. I just got a doghnut maker modal no. DM1
    from my friend, unfortunately no instruction or recipe enclosed.
    How does the maker work?
    please provide me some recipes which enable me to used the maker.
    Have tried to look into shop like Comet, Curry, Argo, but can’t find find the maker.
    Thanks for your kind assistance.
    my address as follow:
    6 The Meadows,
    Milltimber
    Aberdeen AB13 0JT
    Scotland

  13. I think you’ll find the DM1 is made by Breville – I have one and I’ve lost the instructions so I’m looking for some too. If you find any please let me know?

  14. Hi,
    I received a Breville rice cooker as a present, and when I opened the box everything was there, all wrapped up – except the instruction and recipe book.

    I was wondering if you could give me a quick run down on how to cook plain rice (ie: how much rice to how much water etc)

    I would be most grateful.

    Kind regards
    Paige

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