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Rejection kills, disappointment only maims

CANBERRA, AAP – Local blogging identity Miss Shauny was coaxed down from a tall building today after receiving the seventeenth rejection letter in her fruitless quest for a new job.

"This one really gutted me," said the distraught Braddon resident. "I've been looking since January and this time I dared to dream. Thirty-five applicants and I actually managed to get an interview, I prepared like crazy and thought I had it in the bag."

After receiving her rejection letter, Miss Shauny went to Telstra Tower where she stood on the viewing deck and bellowed "Goodbye cruel world" to anyone who would listen, dangling her toes over the edge.

Her deranged cries were heard by two Japanese tourists who notified Tower staff. After three hours of intense negotiations and use of megaphones, Miss Shauny was lured from her perch with the promise of chocolate and an agreement that Channel 10 would reduce its screenings of Everybody Loves Raymond by 75 percent.

Representatives from the interview panel were hesitant to comment on why Miss Shauny was not offered the position; a web developer role in an unnamed large government building located on the shores of Lake Burley Griffin that resembles a poor man's Parthenon and houses a shitload of books.

"While Miss Shauny believes we don't want her because she is untalented, unattractive and incapable, there's more to it than that. Let's just say that we get a lot of people applying for jobs here purely because they always wanted to shag in a library and see this as their chance. She has that look about her."

Meanwhile, the secretarial world rejoiced at the news that they would not be losing one of their brightest new talents.

"She is really coming along with that Excel," said an anonymous source. "And today she learned how to change the toner cartridge on the printer and only got a small amount of ink on her clothes. We all gathered round and clapped politely."

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About Shauna Reid

Ahoy there! I’m an author, copywriter and old school blogger. I love telling stories about life and helping my clients to tell theirs. Find out more about me and how we can work together.


51 thoughts on “Rejection kills, disappointment only maims

  1. Eh, you didn’t want a job there anyway. They buy their shithouse crappy cataloguing software off the shelf and it doesn’t frickin’ work properly. (Spot the pet gripe.) I don’t think IT was their strongpoint.

    You would have made all the difference though. Chin up.

    And I don’t think people shag at the library. The stacks kind of smell.

  2. Heheh. Well, sorry about the rejection (again), but at least your journo degree hasn’t gone to waste. Fuck. I’m starting to sound like your mother.

  3. It is the same for all of us smart, witty folk – those who are hiring are simply afraid of being outshone (outshined?) made to look like arse compared to us.

  4. arg, well, perhaps this disproves my maxim that there are plenty of shitty jobs out there… eventually a good one will come along though and there you’ll be

  5. just keep at it and the good job will fall in your lap.. hey, my job at first seemed like my ‘dream-job’ of graphic design, and then it turned into data-entry. so go figure. by the way, notice the new url? my old site got wiped when my host forgot to pay her domain bill. oops..

  6. i like the stacks smell. plus they have those compactor shelves which can crush you… and a book bound in human skin (i’m not making that up).

    feh. only old people and retarded high school students go there. let’s forget the fact that i have developed my own arse groove at my favourite desk there.

  7. I like it there too. Maybe we should just grab some sleeping bags and squat there for a while. If the coppers come to turf us out we’ll just yell “sanctuary!!!”. That should confuse them enough to give us time to hide. Actually that could be a keen career change – hunchback. You get to ring bells, smell off and leer at prostitutes. Not a bad lurk, I’d say. I wonder what the pay’s like?

  8. Genius! You should apply for a spot at The Onion, or at the very least, at News from the Renegade Province!

  9. if you were as entirely incapable as you sometimes seem t think you are, then you’d be too busy trying to catch your drool in a cup to look for work. drool stains you know.

    and you *will* get the dream job one day. sometimes jobs that on paper sound kind of average turn out to be the best job you could ever hope for. i would offer you such a job, except that unemployed bums such as myself really shouldn’t be forking out $400 a week to have someone blog for them.

  10. also, it has taken me this long to realise how incredibly cool that kitty pic is. i love it. heh! it’s wearing a wig! and glasses!! ….

  11. I love your writing!

    Commiserations on the job, but anything that inspired you to write something this entertaining can’t be all bad 🙂

  12. Mmm, third person …

    Sorry to hear about that – if you’ve got nothing on this weekend jump online sunday night & we can play musical games again – that always seems to cheer you up.

  13. I get to litterpick Commonwealth Avenue. You get to yield a stapler.

    We’re both going through a hard time right now, so let’s hope we can get through it okay! 😉

  14. If I was being negotiated by people with loudhailers the first thing I would negotiate for is one of their loudhailers. That would be fun, although possibly it would lead to them not taking me very seriously

  15. You shouldn’t be a web developer in a library (even the national one). You should writing be writing a witty column on the front page of The Age’s Culture section. That’d be good. Why don’t you do that?

  16. I have no idea what “The Ages Culture section” is but I’d have to go with Dan on this one. Why you would want to take all that tallent and waste it on some sort of web page is beyond me…oh wait! um…never mind.

    I had a friend who became a web page developer person and now she hates the web so much I can’t even get her to check her email.

  17. AAP? Thank goodness it wasn’t the AARP. That would entail Shauny being snatched from reality, transplanted into The Hunger and aging rapid like Messr. Bowie. All I can say is that the only reason I was able to nab a magazine job in 2001 was because I put on high heels and whored myself out. And in at least one case, I was asked to perform an impromptu striptease on a conference room table. While several hip twentysomething editors asked me for my number, it took me several interviews before they were able to view me as a serious writer. You can write as intricately as William Gaddis, but the magazine market almost expects you to be the kind of person to talk on television at a moment’s notice. In my case, despite a mellifluous voice, this was a dubious distinction. Because I frequently prattle on like an idiot. But I managed to talk cognizantly enough to land the job.

    Hundreds of resumes were faxed and e-mailed on a daily basis. And because sending off packages wasn’t enough, I was sure to send off tapes filled with funky guitar music with a friendly note suggesting that any potential employer play the musical compilation when they perused my resume.

    Now that was in 2001. And it was a demoralizing process, particularly when considering my dwindling bank account. My daily writing output and reading time suffered. And the only way to combat this malaise was to play a twitch game and blow shit up.

    The important thing here is to not give up. It takes creative people months and sometimes years to land the ideal job or to sell a book, or at least find work that is fun. It involves being assertive, positive about your abilities and ABOVE ALL not beating yourself up.

    Now you’re very fortunate that you have a group of cheerleaders here at What’s New, Shauny, but what the hell do we have to do to get it into your thick skull that you’re da bomb? Let me assure you that this “I suck” routine will rub off on people during the interview process. And when you’re competing with 65 other talented people, it’s important to create a positive impression to back up your skills. Sure, you’re working a shit job. Hell, I’M working a shit job these days. But the entire purpose of these shit jobs is to rack up enough cash so that you can eventually do the real work you want. A shit job exists to demoralize. Nine out of ten people end up going home jaded, or with the joie de vivre burned out. But you can be that rare one who treats the job as a silly fucking job, who doesn’t take the tedium too seriously and who finds a groove to do her thang.

    Basically, cash is nothing more than XP points. With enough of it, you can level up or at least keep your stamina going for six months while you write that novel or fight large corporations or whatever it is you need to do to make you feel kosher.

    And you and Dean play musical games online? Damn, how can I play? I do a flawless Michael Hutchence.

    And three final works on the cat: the kitty rocks!

  18. By the way, I wish you had preview for these comments. While I’m sure you didn’t intend for buffoons like me to leave longass comments, I can’t seem to stop mawling the English language.

  19. Here’s a related quote from someone meant to be considered as the same breath as Pascal, Durer and Jim Varney:

    “I take rejection as someone blowing a bugle in my ear to wake me up and get going, rather than retreat.” — Sylvester Stallone

  20. well slack, dan, i have debts and bills and rent to pay, and the web stuff takes care of that nicely. one has to have journalistic experience and/or fucked Jim Waley to get anywhere in the media.

    and people, i did sell my ass off in that interview. i was confident and bright and positive. it’s just that i chose to write this entry to vent less than two hours after the rejection, AND after having coffee with a “friend” who basically ambushed me to tell me what a crap friend I was and how i “shut people out and never tell them anything.”

    why would i want to tell people anything? that’s what a weblog is for.

    anyway, i know i don’t suck. sort of. anyway.

    mewwww!

  21. and ed, i’ll add a comment preview feature, just for you. i don’t know how to do it, but i will brave the murky depths of the MT help documentation, just for you 😛

  22. I was where you are just a few short months ago. 2 weeks ago I caught myself pining for the late-sleeping, all-day-web-surfin’, big-meal-cookin’ days of unemployment; this as I hauled myself out of a Monday bed for another marathon day.

    Mind you, I really do prefer being employed. But my point is, it’ll be startlingly, almost mind-bendingly soon before Job Search Hell is just a memory. Don’t worry. Employment finds the smart.

  23. I know what you’re going through and I’ve been there. Make no mistake about it, it does NOT mean YOU are untalented, incapable, etc. When I was suffering multiple rejections I felt the same, then got a sucky “employee of the month” thing only 6 months after finally finding job. Was then re trained for higher position. People who hire and fire often have the most unrealistic and stupid ideas about who is preferable to hire.

    N B Ed. I am a BIG William Gaddis fan. He isn’t available off the shelf here — I have to order his books!

  24. Well, at least it’s better than fucking Laurie Oakes, but then if that happened Mr Oakes probably wouldn’t be so keen to spill the beans about the affair.

    Umm.

    I’m just going to clean my mind out with Brasso for thinking that thought. Blurgh.

  25. Screw this “working” game, like it’s something you’re supposed to want to do. Find a guy with money and use him until he’s used up, then find another, ad infi-fuckin-nitum. It’s better than working.

  26. i was rather drunk but now rapidly sobering. wondering if e-p thinks i am a twit. i hate when you are toasty yummy drunk then suddenly not and you feel kinda lonely and insecure. grr! grrr! and that is when it is time to go to sleep!

  27. Oooh, I hate that aspect of becoming sober at night after being drunk. It’s like the experience of being with friends carries on while the alcohol’s effects last, but as the effects diminish, the sense of solitude becomes ever stronger. And I’ll feel lonely. At least, that’s how it is with me.

    What I do to avoid hangovers if going to sleep when still drunk is I drink a big glass of milk. Then, to avoid choking on possible vomit during the night, I sleep in a position that’s vaguely like the recovery position, kind of more on my front than back, with my head to the side. That way, I get to go to sleep before the solitude of sobriety has struck, and I’m still in the warm glow of having enjoyed the company of friends.

  28. > What I do to avoid hangovers…

    That’s all too logical. When I get drunk, I do it to lose the ability to decide anything, including the ability to decide I must drink milk and lie in a certain position just in case I gack on my own puke. I hate to plan vacations, too.

  29. At least I’ve never lost the ability to decide whether someone is or isn’t a bad person to do the nasty with while drunk. Sucking face, that’s another matter. Oh dear.

  30. wait.. reading this — do you have a journalism degree? wow. glad to see it’s just as useless in australia as it is in the u.s. — i wasted four years…

  31. I went through this for over 2 years before i got my first job and the rejection letters suck. Look at it this way though, if they don’t want to hire you – it’s their loss! You can go out now and find something even better.

  32. I’m thinking that maybe we should begin some sort of a public art piece – everyone who posts to shauny’s comments should begin sending rejection letters to a single point, and then we’ll pick an employer who’s rejected ALL of us and paper the mofo, Christo styleee, with rejection letters. OR we could make them into a papier mache sculpture to provide a witty coffe table conversation piece. “Oh that? It’s a compilation of letters from all the stupid fucks who don’t realise how talented I am.” I got one this morning telling me I am unqualified to be a “media monitor”. Yeah, like I spent four years doing a degree in Mass Communication majoring in Professional Writing and I can’t clip fucking newspaper articles!!!. There. I’ve vented. I feel slightly better now.

    Having said that, I love you Miss S, and I love your blog. Have loved it since you and I were early adopters riding the wave of blogging. Anyone who chooses to criticise your writing ought to look at your blog number. I wonder how many people are still blogging who have a blognumber that’s under 100,000?

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