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How Ya Like Them Apples

Late last year I was bored at work and decided to start sticking all the stickers from my pieces of fruit on an old Expense sheet in my company diary. Since I do no work of real consequence for said company and never have any expenses, I could think of no better use for a beautiful blank page.

Soon I became rather obsessive about it, and decided to set myself the Great Apple Challenge. I was determined that by the time the page was full o’ fruit, I would have a new job. Each time I was cruelly rejected for a position, I’d say to myself, “Oh! Well! That’s because I haven’t eaten enough fruit yet! Ahem.”

Last Thursday I ate a mandarin and attached the sticker to the last little bitty of space left. If you click on the pic below you can see this glorious work of art in full:

apples!

Then I counted the stickers: 72. Then I did a tally to determine how many of each different fruit I had eaten, including the various varieties of apple:

add 'em up

Then I made a pie chart to show off my stellar secretarial skillz:

where did the freaking numbers go?

Then out the blue, just as I saved the file, I got a call about a job.

Then on Monday I had an interview.

Then an hour after that they offered it to me.

Then today after almost three years with the same employer, I handed in my notice with a “woohoo!” and I finish next Wednesday.

The new job is only a shortish contract but I’ve decided what the hell, it’s time to take a risk. After all these bloody entries about needing to find a new job, won’t it be a refreshing change for you lot?

Plus I am really sick of apples. HUZZAH!

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About Shauna Reid

Ahoy there! I’m an author, copywriter and old school blogger. I love telling stories about life and helping my clients to tell theirs. Find out more about me and how we can work together.


119 thoughts on “How Ya Like Them Apples

  1. I absolutly love your site. And I love your wit and dry humor. I wish you the best of luck with your writting and I anticipate reading more of your antics…could I possibly link you?

  2. this is a revised version of an entry i did earlier today that said only “i quit my job today!”. thought i should give some sort of clarification!

  3. Yes, I echo the others with a hearty congratulations. Hope you enjoy the new job – I’m sure we’ll hear about it! 😉

  4. Congratulations Miss Shauny! We knew you could do it, you Web Goddess you! Goodbye evil oppressing types! Hello… other people! We’ll stop using exclamation marks soon!

    There.

  5. i am annoyed that the percentages of the pie chart didn’t come out. hmmm.

    but! this entry needs a HUZZAH at the end of it! otherwise it sounds too much like a nicely edited entry without conveying my yoooforia! will go edit!

    then sleep! SLEEP!

  6. Hooray! That’s such a nice coincidence. Pity the company diary didn’t have smaller pages, eh?

    But anyway, that’s really good news 😀 I’m so glad you’ve succeeded in getting a new job. I hope it’s a good’un, even if it’s a relatively short contract.

    😀

  7. Congratulations on the new job!! 🙂

    Heh.. I liked the pie chart. I’ve heard of people collecting fruit stickers but I don’t think any of them thought of doing a nice excel chart to give a visual tally of their collection 🙂

    Maybe you can start a sticker collection like this person’s banana sticker collection. (http://www.beckymartz.com/). They actually have conventions for that sort of thing (go figure).

  8. congrats, shauny! you kick butt.

    i’m jealous of all the pink ladies. they’re hard to get here in boulder, and when they do make an appearance at the grocery, they’re snapped up far too soon.

  9. What is a Pink Lady? Never mind, I’ve looked it up: “The Pink Lady® is an exiting [sic] new bi-colored apple that originated in Australia.” Wow! The March of Progress, and I nearly missed it.

    Anyway, that’s very good news. When do we get to start hearing fresh new complaints about an entirely different job?

  10. Ohhhh—for she’s a jolly good fellow, for she’s a jolly good fellow, for she’s a jolly good fellooooooooooooow…..which nobody can deny! And she’s eaten a shitload of apples…so she deserves the new job..Huzzah!

  11. That is really great. It’s amazing how setting goals (even funny ones like accumulating fruit stickers) seems to make things happen when you accomplish them. Maybe I should try that.

    Best of luck. Write your colleagues and supervisor a really funny, nasty letter of resignation and fax it around the office.

  12. high priestess love goddess from heaven (hplgfh for short) you rock!!

    congrats on the new contract and welcome to the world of freelancing. it’s fun, i tells ya!!

  13. shauny you’re the most amazingest wonderfulest fantasticests blogger of all time!! you deserve the bestest most excitingest fabulousest job in the whole world!! one day can you be my boss so we can stick fruit stickers on our foreheads and run around the office pretending to be daleks? ok maybe i need to go and lie down.

  14. I like your charts and tallies. They helped me to better understand the ratio of the different types of apples and fruit… Just want to know one thing…could I have your old job? Obviously there’s no work involved…I’d be perfect.

    😀

  15. wow.. you must really love those pink ladies, huh? although they are incredibly tasty.

    and congratulations on the job as well.. you deserve a break! keep it all up! wonderful entry as well. i enjoyed the pie chart.

  16. Congratulations on the new job! With your excellent tallying and pie chart skills though, are you sure that I can’t convince you to consider a career in accounting?? Hahahah you are a nerd in denial!!!

  17. CONGRATULATIONS!!!
    I don’t quite get the popularity of Pink Ladies, they always taste quite sour to me. Make me go around with my mouth like * For that, I don’t see why they’re so expensive…Give me a Bonza any day.

  18. I was kinda hoping that you would continue to slave away in your not so current position to entertain me. Well now I will have to hope that the new contract is a hoot as well.

  19. fuck a duck indeed. ROCK ON shauny.

    i have a cute mandarin sticker i saved the other day (unbeknowngst to your collection). it says ‘sweetee’. too cute! look out for ‘sweetee’ mandarins, if only for the stickers.

  20. That’s just the the best of news! Good for you. I don’t think I would have been as impressed if you had gotten a new job and didn’t complete your fruit eating mission. You made a deal with the universe and I’m glad to see you’ve paid in full.

    *gets out guitar and sings*

    “Rock me Shauny! Rock me all night long!
    Rock me Shauny! Rock me all night long!
    sure hope your new job is better than this song!”

  21. **applause, cheering, champagne corks, firecrackers, out-of-key singing, dogs barking, high-fives all around, thumbs up, moderate confetti, round of drinks**

  22. Dammit, this is what I miss out on when your page doesn’t load!

    Congratulations! I’m so happy for you. And it’s funny about the fruit. It really is a virtuous thing, eating fruit. Good thing you filled the page up. 🙂

  23. Danny’s rude.

    I’m rather partial to the Fuji, but I like mandarins even better.

    When I was at the Bot Gdns, I had an avocado sticker on my mug that said “Ripe and Ready to Eat”.

    (Just helping do do what Graham said while imparting tidbits)

  24. blog blackmail? that’s just evil…

    i’m ever so happy to get up to 5 comments… which i think is my high at the moment

    but then again, i’m no shauny

  25. Hey, getting the comments past the 100 point is all well and good, but what of the poor little Everybody Hates Raymond petition. Shouldn’t we all try to get that to 200?

    PS: MB, loved your poem – orangutans… heheh

  26. yes, good point mattay. that is what’s important here!

    i have a shitload of work to do before i leave this job plus nothing in particular to write about, so carry on, ok?

    and thanks for the congrats, everyone.

  27. they’re right – 100 comments is a disgusting amount – i think i’d faint if i thought more than four pepople came to my site on any given week. Shauny does, however, truthfully rock. one time i gave her posting rights on my blog, and she wrote a bio – this is it: Shauna M: lover, fighter, piece of crap writer. Miss M resides in the thriving metropolis of canberra, where porn meets politics amongst gloriously ugly modernist architecture. Visit her site pussycat.taintedweb.com or not. and you can tell how old it is because a) she lists her url as pussycat at taintedweb and b) it was when i had my own blog.

    back to the history lesson

  28. also – graham has too much time on his hands. or on his watch. or his forearm (remember when you were in primary school and someone asked you what time it was and you didn’t have a watch but you looked at your arm and said “half a hair past a freckle”?) sigh very glad i finally worked you you can put tags in these.

  29. So, what actually is the new job? Is it webby stuff? Journalistic stuff? Are you working in the porn industry? Some combination thereof?

    Anyway, must be tremendously satisfying to be the one to terminate your job, instead of being made redundant or something. You can walk around with a smug spring in your step, if you’re not doing that already 😀

  30. I refuse to participate in this transparent attempt to set a record just for the sake of setting a record!

    (Ten) 😉

  31. Congrats on your new job.

    By the way, I pet a Wallaby this weekend. It was adorable. He grabbed my arm with his little paws and wouldn’t let me go. Then he nibbled on my hand which was fine till I saw the size of his teeth. Had to tell you because I thought of you the whole time, being as you are the only one I don’t really know in Australia!

    Oh, I live in Indiana….

  32. (begin obligatory inane comment to cement shauny’s status)

    Take that, Wil Wheaton!

    (end obligatory inane comment and wash hands of affair, patiently waiting for the day when shauny posts again and i can once again leave a long rambling and licentious comment that no one will read for no discernible reason at all)

  33. Congrats on the career move. I applaud your choice of apples, though. PINK LADIES ROCK. Very few people here in the US seem to have a proper appreciation for them. Maybe I need to switch continents?

  34. and simon – the job title is Communications Officer. So there’s web stuff and DTP stuff and writing and this and that. I am not quite sure I am capable but what the hell. If they don’t like me I will just find something else. Bwahhaa. I just am beyond caring. ONE DAY TO GO! WOO!

  35. so if slack’s don’t count, and he (she? they? it?) did 10 posts, and this is number 107, then that means that you need three more to nail the record.

    And don’t worry about job titles, Shauny, the last job I had I was called a Corporate Information Manager, and I was doing the same shit I always do….

    *hugs*

  36. Communications Officer? That’s just the sort of thankless job title I’d expect they’d give you, Shauny. What the hell is this? Star Trek? Next thing we know, you’ll be required to wear a red shirt and a miniskirt and you’ll be spouting off such cogent dialogue as “Hailing frequencies open, sir” to the Australian version of William Shatner (and we all know there can be only one Shatner).

    Really, Shauny. How much of a stretch is this from the last job? Did women’s liberation never make its way through Canberra? I mean, I know this is the military. But really!

    If anything, this has encouraged me to enlist so that in the unlikely event the U.S. goes to war with Australia, I could blast the officers who decided upon this out of the water! Assuming of course that they’d make me a gunner based off of my Unreal Tournament skills.

    Failing that, there’s always the promise of learning both Klingon and how to make a photon torpedo.

  37. MY BRACHSTACKING????

    I’ve had to listen (ok read) these silly posts that were nothing behind kissing since about comment 50.

    “Oh Shaunny, your just the best”
    “Dear Shaunny, your site ROCKS!”
    “Dear blablabla..your blablabla”
    etc etc etc

    I thought I was doing us all a favor by getting to (an embarasing) 100 comments so we could get another post up.

    Besides…if Shauny gets any more praise her head will get so large that she will only be able to view the screen on her Mac with one eye and that would give anyone a headache.

  38. congrats shauny, i’m sure you won’t regret it 🙂 yay you!

    also, i have a vast collection of fruit stickers. but they all say clementine, cos my mum stole them from the grocery shop when the guy was putting them on oranges.

  39. YAY !!!
    Excellent news, Shauny…
    Communication for the nation…
    We eagerly await further blog bulletins!

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