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Long Distance Call

What happens when your mother is a drama queen AND a hardcore fan of vapid confections like 7th Heaven, Touched By An Angel and Oprah? She breaks sad news in a way that would make Michael Landon proud.

MOTHERSHIP:  Shauna! This is The Mother.

SHAUNA:  Hi.

M:  Poppy’s left just left us.

S:  Ohh Mum.

M:  I’m at the hospital, sitting here at his bedside.

S:  Okay.

M:  Do you want to say something to him? He’s right here.

S:  Umm… what?

M:  Hey, I will hold the phone out right now and you can talk to him.

S:  Mother, did you not just tell me he’s no longer with us?

M:  Yes! But I am sure he can hear you!

S: 

M:  Speak up, girl. I can’t hear you!

S:  Well neither can he!

M:  What? Say something!

S:  Christ! Okay… Helloooo?

Five minutes later

MOTHERSHIP:  Rhiannon! This is The Mother.

RHIANNON:  What’s happening?

M:  It’s not good.

R:  Yes?

M:  Poppy is… [long pause, voice low and pious] … resting with the angels now.

R:  I see. So are you okay? Is anyone there with you?

M:  No… [long pause] It’s just you, me, and Poppy.

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About Shauna Reid

Ahoy there! I’m an author, copywriter and old school blogger. I love telling stories about life and helping my clients to tell theirs. Find out more about me and how we can work together.


19 thoughts on “Long Distance Call

  1. i decided to put this one back up. it’s a little weird but then again, that’s the mothership for ya! 🙂

  2. ohhh, shauny… that is pure mothership right there.

    we’re thinkin’ of you, pumpkin.

  3. oh, you poor baby. and your poor mama! yes, it is very bizarre, but people have different ways with dealing with things, and that’s okay.

    my mother has told me months later that great-aunts and uncles of mine have died (i know that is nothing like your grandfather, shaunygirl, but it’s just to illustrate the different way of people dealing with things) all because she didn’t want to make me upset at the time!

  4. Oh God yes it all becomes a bit slushy pile of sentiment, doesn’t it? But it’s kind of nice…

    My friend’s grandfather snapped at her “Come on now, stop crying, you’re grandmother wouldn’t want to see you so upset.” She said she wanted to reply “i think my grandmother wouldn’t mind if i cried at her funeral because she DIED.”

    People eh? Funny animals.

  5. (Smirk)

    You havea gift for the pathos/comedy post, Shauny. Yourmother and mine would be right at home together. Mine actually called me to complain that she was not invited to my stepsister’s husband’s brother’s girlfriend’s brother’s funeral. Drama indeed!

  6. So sorry to hear about your Grandfather.
    Even when we expect the inevitable, it’s hard to close a chapter in our lives forever.
    Take care, and I’m sure you won’t be short of material following the family gatherings.

  7. ….I’m starting to thing there is something a but odd about your mother. Still, she sounds more sane than mine (did I ever blog about her little speech about how trees have spirits and the Lord of the Rings?)

  8. Uhg.

    Just wait untill we start exporting a piece of Sh*t show called “crossing over”. Never mind 7th heaven and TBAA. The Mothership will never have the same relationship with her TV again.

    take care

  9. My grandma died a month ago. We were all very sad and upset, of course, but we found time to laugh our heads off. Because come on! All the relatives came to the funeral…I hadn’t seen some of these people in years (they live so far), and most of my family generally like each other.

    And you should have seen everyone trying to come up with new and creative ways to say that she was gone. No one wanted to say, “died.”

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