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Never Do Drop Down

It is remarkable how The Mothership is able to annoy, even from this incredible distance. We had our mail redirected to her house, and she feels duty bound to open our bank statements and credit card bills and provide insightful commentary:

Why did you spent money there? Can you afford that? Have you got enough money left to eat? You better be eating vegetables!

Over the past few months I’ve been bombarded with nasty letters from Optus, insisting that I’d not paid a phone bill that I insisted I had paid before I left Australia. When letters from debt collectors arrived, we finally worked out what the problem was. I’d paid the bill via internet banking, and had selected “Optus” from the drop-down list of past payees. I didn’t realise that the list was linked to an old Optus account from a previous address. So basically I’d paid money to a dead account.

So The Mothership went on a mission to get things sorted:

Dear Shauna,

After several calls, have managed to sort out your “little” problem. All is fixed. Your Credit rating is still intact, so that’s good news. So…always type in correct details – never do drop down when paying accounts!

Of course the smugness of her tone filled me with an irrational rage. I fired back this snooty message: Mother, You didn’t even bloody know what a drop-down menu was until I told you!!! So why don’t you…

At this point, I had to save the message as a draft because I was at work. But instead of hitting save, I accidentally sent her a half-written email. To which came her reply:

dear shauna, ah! this is your second “???” with technology….don’t let it become a habit! Hope your receptionist job goes well – you can do anything with all that experience working at KFC! Anyway, must be off, the dog needs a run!
Love Mumsy

I’ve never known anyone that I so badly wished to simultaneously hug and strangle.

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About Shauna Reid

Ahoy there! I’m an author, copywriter and old school blogger. I love telling stories about life and helping my clients to tell theirs. Find out more about me and how we can work together.


19 thoughts on “Never Do Drop Down

  1. I don’t think she remembers the URL, and if she did read it, she’d probably just be delighted that I was writing about her. She think she’s a “character” that needs to be written about.

    And chicken salt is salt that has some sort of flavoring in it that tastes vaguely of chicken. Actually it doesn’t taste like chicken at all, but it IS delicious.

  2. Man, I hate when that happens. I had the same thing, only it was slightly different–I had to have my phone disconnected and then reconnected, and I had this collection agency swooping in to kill me because I wouldn’t pay fourteen dollars, although I SWORE that I’d already paid it. Silly me…I sent them a check and no more from them. So there.

  3. my brother loves chicken salt.

    & my mother’s been annoying me from afar for years too. sadly, she’s only annoying to me, everyone else loves her. as i do, but you know, mothers=annoyance.

  4. The unfortunately unfinished email did make me chuckle. And your mother’s condescending reply would really irk me, too! Does she do it deliberately? Just to wind you up but be an adorable character at the same time?

  5. I love it! she sounds exactly like my grandmother, except that her smug advice mainly centers around how to get myself married.

  6. I emailed something I didn’t mean to not long ago. I had just mailed my wife and put at the bottom ‘love Michael xxx’, then wrote a work mail to a bloke in another dept, absent-mindedly typed ‘love Michael xxx’ at the bottom and hit Send. Too late, I realised what I had done and desperately tried to recall the mail. Alas, without success. There goes my reputation in that dept!

  7. Michael: I guess that’s the email equivalent of accidentally calling the teacher, “mom,” while at school, to the extreme amusement of all the kids that were your friends up until that moment. Or am I the only one who’s done that?

  8. simon – she does it deliberately, to be sure…

    megami – i’ve done that too! but my mother was my teacher at the time!

  9. gotta love mums. my mum isn’t like that – and my husband’s mum is annoyingly superior for all the wrong reasons (meaning she is totally NOT superior) – so your mum cracks me up doubly.

  10. I told a friend off via email once…I thought the first one sounded to nice to I sent a second one; of course I thought the first was saved to draft, and

  11. i love it when i log on here and there is a new mothership story wanting to be read!
    i can laugh because it is your mother – unfortunately mine is very similar and it infuritaes me when she does the like.

  12. Shauny, did you homeschool or did you happen to be in a class that your mother taught? And if so, what were you supposed to call her? Mrs. Mothership?

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