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Put on your Cranky Pants

Some days I want to surrender and have one of those weblogs where one can just fire up about whatever's shitting them off on that particular day with no regard for quality and editorial control instead of the sorely neglected over-edited pile of pish this site has become.

So here's a few things that have annoyed me lately.

1. Small child on bus who turned around to face me and demonstrate her ability to make giant snot bubbles zap in and out of her precious little nostrils.

2. The person who heats up their lunch in the microwave and takes it out before the time is up then just shuts the door WITHOUT clearing the timer, which means when I wander into the kitchen the display says 00.27 or 01.00 or whatever trickle of time they left behind, instead of showing the CLOCK which is the rightful setting for a microwave currently not in use, so I am forced to clear it myself coz I can't stand microwaves that haven't been allowed to finish their jobs properly. I have been pressing that damn Cancel button for eight months now and I swear I WILL FIND YOU, fucker, and I will microwave your arse on 100%!

3. West Approach Road closure. Small delays my arse!

4. Deranged flatmate obsessed with safety.

FLATMATE: Do you know where the bath mat disappeared to?

SHAUNA: No.

FLATMATE: Well you know it is there so we don't slip over when we get out of the shower!

SHAUNA: No way?

FLATMATE: It's dangerous. One of us could slip out and go flying right through the glass door!

SHAUNA: That could be interesting.

5. Woman in my Body Jam class wearing PEARLS with her skimpy hotpants and crop top. PEARLS!

6. Losing the lovely amber ring The Mothership bought me a mere two weeks ago. I don't know where or when.

7. The way my boss dials the telephone with excruciating slowness, fingers hovering over the numbers as if trying to select a chocolate from the Milk Tray box. 3…. 3…. 4…. *pause for a full minute* 6… 7… 7… *goes and makes a cuppa* …………. 9. Pick up the pace, sport! Don't make me break your dialing finger!

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About Shauna Reid

Ahoy there! I’m an author, copywriter and old school blogger. I love telling stories about life and helping my clients to tell theirs. Find out more about me and how we can work together.


21 thoughts on “Put on your Cranky Pants

  1. That’s a pretty impressive list, and I’m glad to see you are not all happiness and joy 🙂 Your rant list still managed to make me laugh, though *grin*

  2. Bring on the outrage, Shaunybaby.

    I’m rather fond of pearls, but they really oughtn’t ever get sweaty. Stupid body jam lady and her propriety! I wonder if she has tea in her sports thermos?

  3. You edit? PHEW! I thought this all just poured out fully formed and structured from your incredibly creative self…

    As a newcomer to the addictive craft of blogging I just wanted to acknowledge my admiration and gratitude for the inspiration and entertainment you provide. (Which sentence should prove that my editing skills need PRACTICE!)

    Have you tried St Anthony for your amber ring? Offer him a bribe – a few bucks in a poorbox… my ancient-history teacher used to swear by him… it may not always work but hey – when all else fails…

  4. I thought it was just me with the microwaves. Various family members do it and when I see the little numbers flashing I am just compelled to hit the cancel button.

    Why can’t these people perform such a simple operation? Why do they need to take it out before the time is up?

    And I totally agree about road works in general, small delays? Why aren’t they honest and say that: ‘We plan on ruining your travel arrangements for the forseable future, and much longer than the sign says.’

  5. Safety-obsession! Don’t talk to me about UK denizens and their safety obsession!

    Is the flatmate from the UK?

    The powers that be around here just fined me and my good-buddy flatmates 100 pounds for having the temerity to remove a smoke alarm when it went off during cooking and was irritating the crap out of us.

    OK, we forgot to put it back for a day or two. And there was the other one we took down, but geez … no warning, just a patronizing e-mail speech and BAM, 100 smackers please.

    And the Brits who wouldn’t speak to you in the street except to yell, “get some lights on your bike!” Me and every other bloody student in town, ponce. I wear reflectors and the road is lit.

    *ahem*

    Sorry, British humourlessness on safety has addled my brains of late.

  6. What is pish?

    Even your rants are hilarious. You certainly have a talent for writing.

  7. Oh, too funny. I hate #2 as well!! Drives me fricking’ CRAZY!!! And all this time I thought I was alone. It’s so good to know that I’m among friends. Um, actually, I guess I’m among strangers. But at least we have something in common…

  8. I can’t stand it when people don’t clear the microwave timer. I just want to kick them in the throat.

  9. My flatmates are terrible for clearing the display on the microwave. And putting the dial back to halfway between defrost and cook.

    I seem to have spent most of this year reseting the display and defrosting meals that I was trying to cook.

    Thankfully, only another three weeks in their company and then I’m free for the summer. And I’m only living with one other person next year, so I’ll be able to track him down if he does it too

  10. That’s a good list that makes me ashamed to let my own “Grrrrrrr” blog down when there’s so much shit you can blow your brains up on.

    Anyway, do you feel better? Because that’s the point. Shame about your ring, don’t give up!

  11. How about that? If so many of us have the same peeve about the timer on microwaves…who are these freak assholes who don’t?

    coz I can’t stand microwaves that haven’t been allowed to finish their jobs properly

    I am bothered by any machine not being allowed to finish its job properly. Like when my brother takes the clothes out of the dryer a few minutes early and fails to turn the knob on the dryer over to OFF. Drives me mad.

  12. heartwarming indeed to find all these fellow microwave ragers!

    and the amber ring has been found. it was on the kitchen floor… must have taken it off to do the dishes. praise be to gareth and his eagle eyes!

  13. Hate to say it, but the West Approach Road stuff isn’t really that bad for me – the 22 bus only takes about ten minutes longer, if that!

    Regards
    Croila

  14. it only takes me 10 mins longer too! but last monday arvo (when the cranky pants mood began) when the roadworks started, it took over an hour for me to get home (usually 20 mins) coz I guess people were getting to grips with the diversions.

  15. HAHAHAHAH!!!

    CRANKY PANTS!! CRANKY PANTS!!!

    THAT TIME OF THE MONTH, IS IT!?!?!?

    HAHAHAHAHA!!!

    OW!!! STOP IT!!! THAT HURTS!!! I’M SORRY!!!

    Shauny, it’s the lack of sunlight that’s finally getting to you. Honestly.

    O0oooh, look! Sun is shining here!!! I’ll just go and have a nice cuppa on the terrace across the road….. life’s beautiful…….ladeedadeedaaahhh…..

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