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Come Fry With Me

The Scottish supermarket is a veritable chamber of horrors. There are all kinds of mechanically-seperated meats in tins and innocent vegetables drowning in vats of mayonnaise. But the most terrifying and strangely fascinating of all is Breakfast Pack. It is truly all things good and bad about Scotland shrink-wrapped and presented on a sky blue polystyrene tray.

If you want to recreate the goodness of a full Scottish B&B brekkie in your home without even a cursory nod to nutrition, then the Breakfast Pack is for you. For just £1.98 you will receive:

  • black pudding (aka blood sausage, featuring dried ox blood)
  • fruit pudding (sultanas and beef fat)
  • sliced sausage (rusk and flavour enhancers ahoy)
  • pork sausage (with the tantalising promise of 55% minimum meat).

Way back on Easter Sunday, I decided I could no longer ignore the cry of the blue tray and made the purchase in the name of cross-cultural research. I fired up the frypan and waited for the religious experience to begin. It's taken eight months to recover, but now you can finally relive the magic with me, step by lardy step, in this Flickr set.

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About Shauna Reid

Ahoy there! I’m an author, copywriter and old school blogger. I love telling stories about life and helping my clients to tell theirs. Find out more about me and how we can work together.


17 thoughts on “Come Fry With Me

  1. I was completely unaware that the Scottish could legally be vegetarians. You should check your boyfriend’s passport when he’s not looking. I’ll bet he’s a clandestine Italian.

  2. That is disgusting. That is so disgusting. That is so vile and disgusting that I had to comment on the disgusting vileness.

    I spent 10 or so days in Glasgow a couple of years ago and (thank goodness) never saw such a thing in the supermarket. I was pleasantly surprised to find sushi in Sainsbury’s though, you wouldn’t find sushi in the supermarket here in brisbane, such is the culturally unrefined population.

    I do hope you burnt the fine scottish breakfast so badly that it tasted more of charcoal than animal bits – oh, the saucy decoration is a very nice touch, but alas does not make it appetising in a childish-yay-sauce- enthusiasm kind of way.

    p.s I adore your blog, I ‘ve been reading for 8 or 9 months and gone through the archives – your writing style is fabulous. Thanks for the laughs and, one time, a tear or two – ok I cried a river when reading of your grandfather, there’s not many that have the ability to make me cry with their words.

  3. I’m begining to wonder whether ‘Scottish Cuisine’ is actually an oxymoron? My dictionary says that ‘culinary art’ is the synonym for ‘cuisine’. I’ve looked several times at the ‘breakfast pack’ picture, bravely overcoming my revulsion, and I still can’t see any culinary art.

  4. It pleases me greatly that this post is directly above the Vegetarian Concert Hall. Morrissey, defiled from above with Meat! (Although, that doesn’t really look like meat. Meat by-products, maybe…)

  5. Oh, that is just VILE! I could feel my arteries clogging up just reading that post. Sultanas and beef fat… [insert sounds of vomiting here]

  6. Ah ya big jessies!

    I go along with you on fruit pudding though.

    The sliced sauassage is called Lorne Sausage BTW and is one of those things you simply have to be exposed to att such a young age as to never question what exactly it is…thenit is sublime in a glasgow roll.

    And as for black pudding, it is another case of a rose by another name. I have seen folks turn up their noses at it and then chow down on Normandy “Boudin Noir” which is the same thing but liquidy and served with apple sauce.

    As Muike Myers said

    “I am pretty much convinced that all scottish cuisine is based on a dare”.

    Keep up the good work Shauna, go and sample a Firhill pie and a bovril.

    arf

    pol x

  7. Thanks for the visuals. I might need an early morning diet pepsi to wash the ick out of my mouth (and brain) after that!

    You’re a braver woman than I, that’s for sure. I’ll normally try sausage, but anything with “blood” or “fruit” in the name puts me off. Blood oranges, as you can imagine, are a double whammy.

  8. Hey, that breakfast pack didn’t have any fried bread in it! You can’t miss out fried bread – it’s the last nail in the coffin, so to speak.

    And then deep-fried mars bar for pudding. Don’t forget that.

    *boak*

  9. That’s just truly feral. And I thought the whole “Meat Pie & Pavlova” made us look bad in the cuisine department.

    Ah, ASDA. When I took my little trip over there in the late 80’s, that’s where I used to shop, although I don’t think I ever saw anything that feral. I thought Cold Pork Pies were bad enough!!!

  10. Go on Pol. Makes you proud to be a Jock. I grew up on that stuff. Scotland in the 70’s was an interesting place! Scotch pie, chips and beans every Friday night without fail!

  11. Hey Shauny, should you ever find yourself back in Belconnen, you’ll be elated to know you can purchase the black pudding and the square sliced sausage at a deli on the ground floor of Westfield. I thought my mother was singlehandedly keeping that joint in business, but it was still thriving long after she moved to Queensland.

  12. I absoloutly adore sliced, square, lorne sausage. I’ve been all around the world and everywhere i’ve been its the one food i’ll search for if I’m sick of local cuisine. That and a glass of Irn Bru

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