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The word on the street

Mothership, Mothership. That’s all I ever hear from you people. I told her about all the comments and emails I got asking for her response to the engagement, and she was delighted to know she is still famous. She released this official statement:

“The Mothership knew it would happen! She started making the official Wedding Quilt as soon as she came back from her trip to Scotland last April! Motherships know these things. Hee hee!”

Yes, she now refers to herself as The Mothership and often talks in third person. She’s also a mad keen patchworker.

Everyone has been happy for us, and here on WNP the old Comment Count Record has been smashed! You all rule the school, thanks for your kind words. Here’s a few more reactions to the news:

SISTER RHI:  Woohoo! I knew he’d come through!

GARETH’S DAD:  Well done son! We’re so happy for you! I was hoping you wouldn’t screw it up!

GARETH’S MA:  [dabbing tears of joy] Married by the end of March? That’s not much time for me to go on a diet!

SISTER HOLLIE:  [in email with subject: oh my god oh my god oh my god oh my god oh my god oh my god!]  CONGRATULATIONS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! AAAAAAAAARRGGHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!! I can wear my formal dress! LOL!

AUNTIE BARB:  So is this Gareth a nice boy? Because if he’s not The Aunts can come over and bail him up. We can be very formidable, you know!

MY FORMER BOSS:  Will you consider wearing a tartan bridal gown… like the famous one designed by Vivienne Westwood and modeled by Kate Moss? Now there’s something for you to ponder (from memory she had her left breast hanging out – so may not be quite you).

And now some answers to your burning questions!

Is this going to turn into a smug, insufferable, boring as batshit wedding blog?
Please don’t fret, petals. I just thought I’d be polite for those who wanted details. I’ll find some horrible Scottish grease to blog about tomorrow!

Have you given Australia the arse forever?
No! We’ll be back, I’m sure.

Have you set a date?
No!

Will you have a gift register?
No! We don’t need anything of that wedding presenty stuff, so it would feel obscene to have one. The only thing I’d want a hand blender so I can mutilate vegetables at high speed. I was just about to add one to my Amazon wishlist when someone sitting beside me who shall remain nameless said, “You’re not going to put that on there are you? You’re a shameless whore!” and I said to that person, “Yeah well I don’t have to obey you YET, buddy!”

Will Gareth wear a kilt?
I think he’s warming to the idea, especially after I showed him 21st Century Kilts. There’s no need for the modern Scotsman to look like the lovechild of Groundskeeper Willie and a pirate.

Can we see a picture of the happy couple?
There are only two photos of us together in existence. They are both Lomo Action Sampler-style photos, the first taken when Gareth sampled his first Vegemite sandwich. It features four frames of Gareth’s face in various stages of contortion and me pumping my fist in the air coz I’d successfully identified which was the Australian and which was the New Zealand-made Vegemite in a blind taste test.

The second one is known as The Exciting Cake Photo. We’d been invited to Rory’s for dinner and decided to bake a cake. Our first cake together! We were excited. Jane pointed the Lomo at us and told us to look excited as we pulled the lid off the cake tin. We looked excited, but also drunk and deranged. The cake turned out to be raw in the middle.

So you’re not seeing either of those. Instead check out the “me” and the “Gareth” tags on Flickr and just put them together in your mind 🙂

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About Shauna Reid

Ahoy there! I’m an author, copywriter and old school blogger. I love telling stories about life and helping my clients to tell theirs. Find out more about me and how we can work together.


25 thoughts on “The word on the street

  1. The images this post conjures up are surreal . . . “official” wedding quilts . . . tartan bridal gowns . . . the lovechild of Groundskeeper Willie and a pirate . . . and the fact that your former boss talks about breasts falling out!

    Hilarious as ever, Shauny.

  2. That kilt outfit in Intolerable Cruelty _was_ remarkably dodgy, Mr Spratt. Besides, I think you have to be a Real Scot not to look as if you’re wearing fancy dress…

    Clearly that won’t be a problem for Gareth. I’m sure he’ll look lovely whatever he wears, though – as will you, Shauna.

    I am rapidly coming to the conclusion that all the wedding dresses on sale look exactly the same, however, so Vivienne Westwood might make an interesting change, at least 🙂

    Glad the Mothership is still her usual self – and you too.

  3. I love The Mothership’s formal address!

    I think there should be one once a year, like the Queen and her annus horriblus. Although I am sure 2005 will go be an annus … um …. wonderous in the Shauny clan, or however it would be written in latin. Okay, I’ll stop writing annus now … since it is a bit odd.

    ANNUS! ANNUS! ANNUS!

    Sorry.

  4. hey, you do as much smug, insufferable, boring as batshit wedding blogging as you want, cos like, it’s SHAUNY! and she’s GETTING MARRIED! and thanks for sharing.

  5. I came late to the party, but congratulations, Shauna! I’m sure Gareth will come round to wearing a kilt, SCOTTISH blokes look smashing in them (stop twisting my arm, Neil).

  6. The great thing about short-notice weddings is you don’t have time to get sucked in by all that schmaltzy wedding stuff. Because believe me, no matter how hardened-you-are, as soon as you mention the word ‘wedding’ to shop-assistants, restauranters, etc they all start thinking ‘in-the-box’ and you have to fight to stop it turning into a blancmange affair. I had four weeks to organise for our wedding, I hope yours turns out just as you want it!

  7. hey i was wondering if you’ve come up with any names for the “gareth” category yet?

    like maybe….

    the tart’n’skirt

    or

    snuggly-bits-in-a-kilt

    or alternatively

    smuggling-bits-in-a-kilt

    or maybe going off the kilt thing with…

    mock haggis

    (considering he’s a vego and all)

    :o)

  8. The Vegemite-tasting photo was actually four carefully selected photos taken on the digital camera and assembled Lomo-style in Photoshop. Which means, yes, there are even more than four photos of Gareth’s face in various stages of contortion.

    Obsessive Shauny-watchers can read more about this fine culinary moment here:

    http://speedysnail.com/2003/11.html#mites

  9. Many congrats, Shauny, I am happy for you both!Keep the wedding plans simple and you’ll have a great time.

    And I love the mental image of the Aunts threatening to break Gareth’s legs, etc. if he doesn’t treat you right.

  10. The 21st c. kilts are great…though maybe not the leather one… One word of warning, I’ve heard G. Taylor, who makes them, is SLOW in delivery, I have direct experience of it, since they took about 5 months to get a belt my Mum ordered.

    There’s lots of non-silly options to wear with a kilt, a plain black dress shirt with no tie is one of my favourites. Clean-cut and modern looking. My man actually likes dressing up to look like a Braveheart extra though, so a plain shirt is restrained for him.

    Love the “Official Wedding Quilt”! The Mothership clearly rocks.

  11. some real crackers in the comments today!

    Annus Wonderous… bwahahah! 🙂

    Rosemary, that shirt/kilt combo sounds HOT! may have to suggest that…

  12. Hey, I just looked at the photo of your bloke on stage with his band. It’s THE EDGE! Complete with beanie hat and look of extreme concentration.

    (Edge being the lead guitar from U2, in case I’m being too obscure and geeky)

    And yes, the outfit is HOT, I’ve got some photos somewhere of my man in the same look, only it’s a navy blue dress shirt. Rawr. I’ll see if I can get them posted somewhere.

  13. Oh Shauna, mind and make sure that gareth wears the appropriate footwear for the kilt.

    Not them silly brogues , no it’s the 12 up Doc Martens.

    Very formal.

    pol x

    hey look it’s Billy Bob posting up there. I missed his wedding but did get slaughtered at the engagement party.

    I am a class fucking act me.

  14. My personal favourite wedding announcement response comes from my sister, when my girlfriend and I told her we were engaged:

    “You’re getting married?! That is so, like, gay!”

  15. Shauna,
    congrats to you both!!! it’s very exciting news and we’re all still crowing about it here. i told you is my sms to ask your mum about the very graphic visual image that appeared to me the day you and Rhi left Australia.
    I told your mum ( and averyone else who would listen) that i saw you getting married while you were there. The picture is in my head if you want any more detaisl about your own wedding!!!!

  16. Yeah, yeah, SCOTTISH guys look fine in kilts. My brother certainly does, and he’s as Scottish as they come (and indeed his came from G. Tailor Kiltmaker, and it did take awhile as far as I remember – there’s a lot of sewing in all those pleaty bits – but it looks ace).

    Don’t listen to my witterings. I’m just jealous ‘cos I’ll never get English Jon to wear a kilt…

  17. My mother is a mad patchworker too. But we weren’t lucky enough to score a wedding quilt! And I’ve never quite recovered from that 😛

  18. ooh congrats! 21st century kilts are cool – we’re getting married next january and all bridal party are all wearing them – we can’t decide between grey tweed or black.

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