What's New Pussycat turns six this week. What keeps a blog alive for so long, aside from sporadic updates and stale design?
Comments, that's what. While you current folks are always golden, the real madness comes from random Google visitors and their comments on ancient posts. Years after an entry has passed its relevancy, people stumble in, skim read, then spout off. Some commenters seek advice. Some commenters give advice. Some just want you to know that they vehemently disagree with your opinion of half a decade ago.
Sadly I had to kill off this font of entertainment. While Movable Type has excellent spam fighting tools these days, and my thousands of comment spams were banished to a Junk folder, the extreme load on the server drained my bandwidth. So I closed comments on old entries.
In memory of my beloved comment-come-latelys, here's a few choice highlights.
The Funeral Business – September 2001
The Mothership went through a brief crackpot phase of coming up with small business ideas to help fund her retirement. First she was going to start a mobile adult toy store, a Bookmobile-style vehicle bringing vibrators and ben wa balls to deprived citizens of remote areas of New South Wales. The next brainwave was to start a funeral business run entirely by women as they are apparently more compassionate. The result – fifteen commenters over four years, seeking or offering advice on how to get the show on the road.
Hi there, my name is xeng, i am interested in building a funeral home business for the hmong community. However, i don't know much about what to do, how to start, and what to expect. If you know, and would like to share, it would be a pleasure. Thank You, Xeng Yang
Posted by XENG YANG on March 30, 2003
Hello, Death – October 2001
Australian children of the 80s will remember student news show Behind The News. BTN was universally loathed as we had to pay attention and do worksheets afterwards. One of my classmates hated presenter Richard Morecroft so much that she stood on a chair, hurled pencils at the screen and screamed, "I HATE YOU RICHARD MORECROFT AND I WANT YOU TO DIE!".
She must not have wanted it enough, for he went on to present the ABC news and all sorts of wildlife documentaries. In what is probably my most cherished WNP comment ever, the man himself wandered in a few years later. Don't try and tell me it's not the real Richard Morecroft. So polite, so articulate, so balanced!
I very much enjoyed reading this piece… really – I did. I also really used to enjoy working on BTN, but I had no idea of the pain it caused Melissa and her classmates!
Posted by Richard Morecroft on May 26, 2004
Cats Stuck Up Trees – May 2001
Inane entry about seeing a local TV anchor at the gym sparks a dozen folk asking for advice on how to get their moggie down. The last comment was particularly heart-wrenching:
I see plenty cries (or is that meows) for help, but no answers!? My cat is stuck up a 25 metre gum … He's only a kitten and the horrid dog next door chased him up there – the tree is in the neighbour's garden!!!!!!!!! What happened to the cats that feature on this site? Any stories of hope?????? Do they come down????
Posted by Judy on September 2, 2005
I am looking for a talent agent to help me exploit my talent and I meet peter [Criss, KISS drummer] when he was up in tahoe in 93 I need someone to help me find a realband that is career motivated and has what it takes to go to the top! thanks Gene for your time and consideration
Mark /Bam Bam
Posted by Mark Steffens/Drummer on June 24, 2003
Get Skinny With Portia – February 2002
I had a dream in which slender actress Portia di Rossi launched a cookbook of the above title. I even dreamed the back cover blurb: Hello. I'm Portia de Rossi. It has always been my aim in life to weigh as little as humanly possible. Let this be your mission too. Put down your chocolate bars and get cooking with me.
For years there was a steady trickle of teen visitors begging Portia for her diet secrets. Many of them are quite troubling and sad, but I liked this one:
HEY BABES!!! IF YOU ARE NOT PERFECT IT DOESENT MATTER!!!!!! LOVE YOURSELF FOR WHO YOU ARE AND EVERY TIME U EAT SOMTHING NAUGHTY, BE HAPPY, IF U ARE NOT HAPPY YOUR BODY WONT BE HAPPY!!!!! NO ONE IS PERFECT!!!!!!!
And then last year this guy lost it:
Do you people realize that there is no such book as "Get Skinny With Portia"?? This story is just a joke and if you had even a minute semblance of a brain you might understand it. I am so sick of ignorance and just well, plain stupidity. Please learn how to spell too you moronic, self-absorbed, media-obsessed dumb-asses…
Posted by ben dover on July 23, 2005
Everybody Hates Raymond – August 2002
Although my petition to outlaw Everybody Loves Raymond failed miserably despite 91 passionate supporters, the sheer venom directed at the show raged on:
Everyone hates ramen sucks. I'm so hatefull of the show that I just did a search on the internet which brought me to this site. I searched for "everyone loves raymond sucks"…
The first time I watched it I saw this raymond guy acting like a little boy to who seemed to be his mother, by the way she was talking to him. After a while I figured out that was his wife. Maybe it's a Oedipus complex that interests some people in this show?? that's my only guess.
Posted by RELON on December 28, 2003
And sometimes, not.
I LOVE Everyone loves raymond and I think its a really good show for many people that have a borening life like me. I laugh and I cry and enjoy everyone on the show expecially raymond and his brother. KEEP UP THE GOOD WORK. AMERY WISCONSIN LOVES YOU
Posted by A on November 5, 2004.
Soul Shite – November 2000
Legendary Australian rocker Jimmy Barnes will be pleased that while I slagged off his cheesy album of soul covers, a devoted fan came to his defence, albeit four years too late. This ranks high amongst my all-time favourite comments because you can just hear the flannel shirt and Victoria Bitterness in his words:
shit mate I must have missed your #1 record last time I was at the record shop…… Then I look further down and see that you are from Canberra, and that explains it all. Wanker…
Posted by juddster on August 6, 2004
WNP's 6th Birthday is hereby dedicated to commenters both past and present, young and old, sane and clearly otherwise. Thank you all!