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Resolve

Earth-shattering events of 2007 thus far:

  1. Chopped off my left thumbnail while wrestling with this stupid pumpkin. I knew a serrated breadknife wasn't the right tool for the job but persisted regardless
  2. Broke a mirror
  3. Fell asleep pants doon on the toilet after a big night out
  4. Was violently ill for three days straight

The last one happened because I was trying to stick to my twin New Years Resolutions of Saving Money and Keeping In Touch With Friends. I was in the post office in the first week of January sending a whole bunch of cards to Folks Back Home. I was straddling the space between old bad habits and fresh resolve:

  1. Wedding Card for wedding a month earlier
  2. 2 x Baby Cards for babes born in November
  3. Birthday Card for a birthday the next day
  4. Anniversary card for February

So I was writing on my cards there in the post office and feeling good about the ones that weren't late and also because I'd bought a roll of Christmas wrapping paper on sale for ยฃ1. The Mothership used to buy all her cards and paper in the January sales and I felt proud to be following in her footsteps, rather than disturbed.

When I joined the queue there was two Australian girls in front of me. They were about ten years old and holding postcards. Australians are always running amok in Edinburgh but you rarely see them out here. It's like seeing a tiger in the supermarket or a nun in a strip joint. A truly novel occurrence.

"HELLO CANNOIVE SOME STAMPS FOR SENDING THESE TO ASTRAYA PLOISE?" Girl 1 bellowed to the cashier.

That melted my heart and made me all the happier for my renewed attempts to keep in contact with the Motherland.

I floated smugly all the way home and it wasn't til I got to the front door that I realised I'd left my bargain wrapping paper in the post office. Oooh I was cranky. But far too lazy to walk back all that way for a pound.

So I started making my lunch, which was poached egg and a salad as I recall. Something thrifty befitting my resolution. I was still fuming about the wrapping paper as I took the egg out of the carton. I noticed it had a dent in the top, you could even say it was somewhat… pre cracked. Somewhere in the back of my mind a wee voice said, You're not supposed to eat broken eggs, dickhead but I said to the voice, "I can't throw it away! I'm trying to save money!".

I ended up spending the last three days of my holidays kneeling before the toilet and Ctrl-Zedding every meal, which proved far more costly that that one little egg. I'll try harder next month.

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About Shauna Reid

Ahoy there! Iโ€™m an author, copywriter and old school blogger. I love telling stories about life and helping my clients to tell theirs. Find out more about me and how we can work together.


30 thoughts on “Resolve

  1. It’s comforting to know that someone else Ctrl-Zeds things in their real life too.

    Hope you’re feeling better. Happy (rest of the) New Year!

  2. Urgh! Poor, poor Shauny!!!! I bet it’s a while before you want to eat eggs again. I hate that little voice, but try to pay heed. Last week I glad-wrapped an open tin of pineapple and heard mum say (not actually, but that voice) “You’ll get tin can poisoning if ya bloody do that!” or something similar. So I unlazified and put it in a container.

  3. Also, remember not to eat anything in a bulgy can. Something nasty could be a-brewin’.

    Hope that’s your last food-induced york of the year!!!

  4. OK, I’m not really laughing at your pain but you have such a way with words…this made me laugh. My food illness advice is that if the shrimp still feel funky after boiling them, don’t eat ’em. ‘Nuf said.

  5. TIN CAN POISONING! I used to get warned of the dangers of that one too. I wonder if it’s in official medical dictionaries. between tetanus and tinea.

  6. YAY! Shauny’s back ๐Ÿ™‚

    I don’t know which I like the best: the Australian accent or the quote of the century – Ctrl-Zedding your meals. Is that your invention Shauna?

    Reminds me of my accent: “Oi shell chicken to the hotil so Oi can drop moy bags off”.

    Welcome back and I hope you’re back to fighting fit (or at least to typing fit).

    Scott F ๐Ÿ™‚

  7. You poor thing!

    If you have to make up a new term like “pre-cracked egg” it’s time to throw it out and get a fresh one. I know I regretted it when I went ahead and continued to eat cereal with milk that was “only starting to think about getting sour, but not sour yet”.

  8. Something to cheer up your poor chopped finger. It is confirmed that Crowded House will re-unite.
    Neil finn and Nick Seymour have been working on a CD – Time on Earth to be released by EMI. A world tour is to follow, Edinburgh may yet get to rock.
    Elspeth

  9. Oh you dumb-ass! Eating a pre-cracked egg! I’m so sorry you were sick; I was wondering where you’ve been. FYI, I turned your PHWOAR into my You’ve Got Mail sound.

  10. I too have heard the news re Crowded House reforming – let’s hope they visit us here in Oz as well as Edinburgh….they still send shivers down my spine when I play their CDs.

  11. Scott, I think people say Ctrl-Z out loud, I can’t remember where I heard it. I dunno if “zedding” is the correct grammar but it sounded good to me. hehe.

    Elspeth and M’ship – thanks for the news, it’s kind of strange don’t you think? You can’t replace Paul! they should call the band something else i reckon. Sacrilege!

  12. Ctrl-Zedding! Oh noses!

    There’s an audio file of you going phwoar? Can I have it? I still only *think* I know what that sounds like.

  13. I just love the plot of this blog. You were ill because you heard some Australian girls in the post office queue. I mean, I don’t love that you were ill. I just love the way you’ve structured the events of the story.

    Mind you, I’ve never thrown away a cracked egg in my life. I don’t buy dented tins, but cracked eggs never did us any harm as far as I’m aware. Another ol’ Aussie myth, maybe? On the other hand, you were ill for three days…

  14. I almost ate interesting smelling cauliflower last night, on the same premise. Then I realized that “interesting smelling” was a lot more like “rotten” than I had originally anticipated. Pity. I really wanted some cauliflower.

    Here’s to a ctrl-Z-free! February.

  15. I’m in the same boat of trying to be better about sending things but still trying to catch up as well. So one of my christmas presents didn’t get sent until mid-January it’s the thought that…

    I’m in such trouble, aren’t I?

  16. love the image of you asleep with your pants around your ankles. … as for the pre-cracked egg … the number of times I’ve come close to food poisoning myself eating lingering leftovers out of total, slobby, couch-potato laziness. I should have been taken now by salmonella years ago.

  17. Well, I got food poisoning on my first trip to Spain – when I was considerably less adventurous with food than I now am. I had a tortilla boccadillo (a potato omelette baguette – or “inna bun”) that I was debating whether it was unusually spicy (it was a foreign country after all)…or off.

    Obviously making this decision half way though wasn’t a good idea. Bloody train station food! So, by the time I reached the next city I was so out of it I was weaving towards my hotel – rather than walking towards it.

    And when I got to Barcelona – well, you shouldn’t see a city by estimating how far a tourist attraction is from a toilet! Yuck. But I did find out later a good cure – Imodium. It makes food poisoning a 24 hour thing rather a week long thing.

    Ikky!

    Shauny – we need more stories! I’m suffering withdrawal symptoms!

    Scott ๐Ÿ™‚

  18. You remember This Life? Apparently there was a This Life + 10 reunion. If you blogged it, send me the link.

    Fell asleep on the toilet…classy! lol

  19. Shit, you broke a mirror!! I broke a mirror in 2001 and have had absolute shithouse luck ever since. Coincidence? Maybe but by year 6 of shit it definitely starts to make you think there may be truth in the wives tale.

    Then again, have also had two beautiful daughters in that time so not all bad.

  20. Uncrowded House?? Vacant House?? Room to Rent???

    I have ‘7 worlds Collide’ a live cd with Neil Finn and friends including Eddie Vedder (Pearl Jam) and Ed O’Brien (Radiohead). Great great great CD.

  21. Oprah Magazine article quoting my favorite aussie! Cool. Thanks Shauna for all the years of fine reading @ dietgirl and wnp.

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