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Head Trauma

Headache No. 1 came from slamming my head in the car door. I'd opened the door and was sliding onto the front seat with a bag of groceries when my foot slipped. POW! The right side of my noggin smacked hard against the side of the car, which was unfortunate enough. But alas, at the same time my left hand happened to be pulling the door shut. POW! The door thwacked into the left side of the head. Just to even things up.

I've seen cartoon characters getting smashed with a pair of cymbals by their arch rivals; it looked a lot like that. Except more industrial. And because I inflicted the damage myself, it was a hoot. Gareth almost wept from laughter. And so did I, until it turned into searing tears of PAIN.

So this may have contributed to Headache No. 2 – Filling out my permanent residency application for the stinking Home Office. It's all been sent away now and I'm praying I didn't make any errors while mildly concussed. I shall find out in 4 – 12 weeks.

One question in the form intrigued me:

"Have you or any dependants included in this application ever been involved in acts of committing, preparing, financing or instigating terrorism or acts of encouraging or inducing others to commit, prepare or instigate terrorism, or the attempt of any such acts, either within or outside the UK? Or have you or any dependants included in this application ever been a member or supporter of an organisation which has perpetrated or supported acts of terrorism in furtherance of its aims?"

I know they've got to ask these things, but I wonder if anyone has ever actually ticked the YES box then sent the application in? Yes sir, I am a terrorist, and here's my cheque for £335!

Incidentally, if you've fallen in love with a British citizen, may I suggest you hurry the hell up and apply for your visa before 2nd April, as the already heartbreaking fees are set to rise. It's proposed that Indefinite Leave to Remain, aka permanent residency, will leap from £335 to £750 for postal applications, and £500 to £950 if you want to apply in person. OWW. The price of love ain't cheap, baby! But as you gaze at your British beloved as he heats up a tin of Tesco Value Baked Beans with a single match, you'll know it was worth it.

Likewise I was looking forward to applying for British citizenship next year, but that's set to rise from £200 to £575. I guess if you're not tempted by the right to vote and the right to a snazzy passport with a lion and a thingy on it, you could always just remain a permanent resident. You will always have the right to pay TAX, and that is a joy in itself!

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About Shauna Reid

Ahoy there! I’m an author, copywriter and old school blogger. I love telling stories about life and helping my clients to tell theirs. Find out more about me and how we can work together.


19 thoughts on “Head Trauma

  1. Oh no! I did something similar when I was 16 or so…which explains my current eccentricities. Hur. Hope you’re okay!

  2. Mega OW! (Imaginary kiss to both sides of the head! And your purse, for the ouchy fee you paid! OW! OW! OW!)

    xxx

    Over the past couple of days, I’ve been banging and whacking into things and cursing in a reprisal of Richard Pryor’s role in ‘See No Evil, Hear No Evil’. I wonder if it’s the planets, Shauny, considering our very similar constellations, one day apart n’ all. Yes, I always like to pass the buck, rather than take ownership of being a klutz…

    With those ‘hey, r u a terrorist?’ questions (not usually posed in text message syntax), I reckon they think if you’re loony enough, you might just tick ‘yeah’.

  3. Hee hee hee. What a hoot!

    Shauny isn’t there a grandparent in your past who derived from the UK and isn’t that your ticket to duel citizenship?

  4. Hee hee. What a hoot!

    Shauny isn’t there a grandparent or great grandparent in your family that is derived from the UK so that you can get duel citizenship??

  5. I did this a few years ago – I was rushing as people were waiting for me to move out of my park (so lots of people watching)… my unfortunate side effect was that because the impact was on my ear, I pushed one of my earring studs back into my ear…!

  6. hehe! poor kekster…

    momo – could be, mate! if there’s any other injured scorpios out there let us know!

    NJ – nah no british grandparents at all, tis why we had to get married in the first place 😛

  7. AFAIK, Commonwealth citizens resident in the UK are entitled to vote without taking out citizenship. I voted at the last general election, for example.

  8. Oh, Shauny, I hope your head is feeling better.

    It seems to be pretty arbitrary, who’s a faux-terrorist and who isn’t. For instance, I always, always, ALWAYS get picked to do that explosive trace test at the airport, and I’ve never done anything remotely terroristic. Apparently poor bespectacled uni students are a new menace. As are spunky Australian doctor-marrying redheads.

  9. Dear Miss Shauny,
    (actually, is it not Mrs Shauny, or Mistress Shauny now? Ummm, don’t know… where is etiquette advice when you need it?) I thought that seeing as it was on, I would take your advice and watch a bit of yon mannies on bikes thingy.
    I was dismayed and distraught that you had not warned in advance of the ‘arse-cam’, which frankly, came as a shock. I am used to all manner of odd shots these days as sport attempts to lure us in, but Rossi’s skinny ‘The Doctor’ in vivid hues bedecked arse was nevertheless perturbing.
    Furthermore, due to some sort of balance issues, the arse does not stay still but pertly points to every point on the compass as it bounds around the screen.
    This has been very traumatising, Shauna, how could you?

  10. I once managed to slam the car boot on my friends head. I then tried to do it again because I couldn’t understand why it hadn’t shut. I think that hurt a lot… she still reminds me of that!

  11. Dear mother of god! – I had no idea the fees were going up by that much! I just got my limited leave to remain this past October so i’m out of luck for making the perm res application before the increase. I guess that gives me time to put my kidney on ebay to fund it. lol

  12. firstly, Brave Sojir! who’s a brave sojir?

    Shauny is!

    That sounds like quite the whack to the melon you took there Blue!

    On the subject of applications, residency passports and such tosh.
    I noticed that my passport (Pomgolian) had expired, but my Aussie PermResidents Visa (a thing of beauty that makes me weep with happiness) has ages to run yet.

    The weird answer from Australia House?

    Get a new passport and just carry the old one around as well.

    I suppose it makes sense, but it feels weird knowing you have to travel with two passports.

    Much odd.

    Big bag of frozen peas on the head.

    Pol x

    usual apologies for shit typing

  13. Wow! ‘spensive! But cheaper than a Russian bridegroom! And Gareth speaks English… well sort of! 🙂

    I work with a man who is missing 2 fingers… they were slammed off in car-door mishaps… on two separate occasions! You’d think he would have been more careful after losing the first digit!

    I’m glad you didn’t lose your head Shauny!

  14. Ouch ouch and double ouch!

    I think I’ll just neglect to mention how much the visas going to cost when we relocate to blighty in a few years…and stick to reminding him he’ll be moving closer to the source of whiskey and haggis. Yes I managed to find a man who likes haggis, and marmite too for that matter. (personally, I like marmite more than haggis)

    Hope your head recovers soon, and there’s no more forms to fill out for the forseeable future.

  15. I am a Scorpio(10/27)and I have a splitting headache and a fever….so I am sick….I wouldn’t say injured, but my head also hurts, and it is making me groggy and clumsy (who knows it may evolve from forgetting numbers and what I am doing to forgetting how to walk properly;) )

    Could very well be the stars are aligned just so!

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