The long dark winter of Netflix


Since we had to give the telly away I’ve discovered a new life without the box. With all this spare time I’m writing poetry, I’m doing a hundred push ups at sunset; I’m trimming bonsai trees. Except that is a lie… I’m gorging on Netflix.

The first obsession was Twin Peaks. Gareth had seen in it high school but was foggy on the details, whereas I’d missed it completely as back in those olden days our telly didn’t have the channel that it was screened on.

My prior knowledge was the image of Laura Palmer, blue-lipped and wrapped in plastic, as gleaned from my stepmum’s TV Week magazines. I thought the show would be dark and eerie, which it was, but I hadn’t realised it was also hilarious and weird with a brilliant soundtrack and characters that worm their way into your dreams.

(Except for James and Donna, I just wanted to punch them the entire time.)

Agent Cooper on the other hand… swoon! I’d only seen Kyle MacLachlan in Portlandia and Sex and the City up to that point. I’m belatedly amazed how he managed to carry on, after that once-in-a-lifetime-delicious role.

The second season was long and wandered off into batshit bonkers territory. I started whinging to Gareth, I don’t know if I can make it to the end! and he’d say Just hold on!  If I’d said that all breathily and put a mullet wig on Gareth, it would have been a total James and Donna moment.

And then, deep in the throes of Agent Cooper lust, I accidentally spoiled the ending with a wayward Google image search. After suffering all those Season 2 hours of crazy, I could have screamed. But we ploughed on and it was great.

Agent Cooper

(Tangent: I just saw on Facebook, did you know Laura Palmer died 25 years ago today? 24 Feburary 1989!)

We’ve also dabbled in 30 Rock. I love it but they’ve lost me a bit in Season 6. There’ve been a few gimmicky episodes, and has Jack Donaghy trimmed down? Call me shallow but his appeal was the contrast between his conniving ways and his slightly lumpy exterior. The emerging cheekbones have somewhat quelled the flames.

It took ages to find our next obsession, Gareth scrolling impatiently through Netflix while moaning, ‘THERE IS NOTHING LEFT TO WATCH IN THE WORLD, IT’S ALL SHITE!’. Then I saw Friday Night Lights and remembered someone saying on Facebook half a decade ago that they were really looking forward it, so we decided to give it bash.

I’m so in love, y’all.

I never thought small town Texas and American football would be something I’d get into but here I am, obsessed! I’ve crushed my way all around the town. Tyra and Landry are my favourites. I love Coach Taylor and all his Let me tell you somethings. I’d let him tell me something. I love Matt… those eyes! And at first with that Tim Riggins I was all, “Put down the drink and wash your hair, young man”. But then, you know… phwoar.

A minor highlight: Buddy Garrity begging his wife for forgiveness. It’s fantastic all the syllables you can cram into “Pam” with that accent. PAY-UM. PAY-UM. PAAAYYYY-UHM!

Why do I love “The Football”, as we call it round here? Because the characters basically do what people do in real life: they say and do stupid things, then they realise they’re idiots, then they do their best to fix it up. But unlike real life, they have amazing hair throughout the process.

Now Season 3 is over and some of my favourites are off to college and I fear it’s downhill from here. If that’s the case, please don’t tell me!

Perhaps the best thing about it is the excellent work by redheads. Gingers on the telly are usually psychopaths, sexual deviants, stalkers or power-crazed biatches, or all four at once.  In Friday Night Lights they get more range. I love Mrs Taylor, dispensing advice while looking ravishing. I gaze at her and daydream, Okay I just need to grow my hair another few inches and lose a gazillion pounds and adopt a drawl and we’d totally be twins and kick some ass. Never mind the show finished years ago and she’s on Nashville now. I also love Landry/Ginger Matt Damon. There was a scene with both of them, in which Mrs T reassures Landry that he’ll be fighting off the ladies when he grows up and I thought I’d keel over from sheer gingers-on-the-telly delight.

But Spring is almost here, y’all. So we shall shut down the laptop and head back out into the light.

Friday Night Lights