Following on from the whole Baby or Budgie debate, while in Australia I found evidence that Dr G and I were destined to be together. It seems we've both wanted the same thing all along! While pawing through a folder full of stories I'd scribbled as a five year old, we found this: I Read More
There needs to be a word for the pathological loathing one feels when boarding a plane and having to walk through the First and/or Business class sections en route to your own pissweak Economy class seat. Nothing makes me spew more with futile rage than seeing a fully reclined someone with a pre-takeoff glass of Read More
Here’s a theory: The fancier you make your wedding invitations, the more you increase the expectation that the wedding will be of corresponding fanciness. Like a few months ago a friend of Gareth’s got hitched. The event was announced by a posh, creamy envelope swishing through the mail slot. The two of us gawked at Read More
“G’dafternoon!” boomed the cheery blonde behind the Virgin Blue desk. “Got any bags to check in?” We heaved our giant suitcases onto the scale. Virgin Blonde tapped away at the keyboard, then suddenly froze and gasped. She whipped off her shoe and started pounding Gareth’s suitcase with the pointy heel. “That’s got the bugger. There Read More
“Are you ready for the ride of your life!?” “Yeah,” I sulked. “I s’pose so.” Gareth grinned. “Then brace yourself, lassie!” We were briefly in Sydney last year to visit my little brother and sister. Our schedule was crazy, but we squeezed in a detour to the Blue Mountains. After all, no introductory trip to Read More
I'd assumed going to see a bike race in Australia would be pretty much the same as seeing a bike race in Scotland. Same speedy bikes, same clouds of dust, same hairy bikers, same skanky lassies in lycra shorts. However, there was one major difference: the food. Last summer at the British Superbikes at Knockhill Read More
“Now whatever you do, don’t pay full price,” the Mothership lectured as we pulled into the Woolworths petrol station. “You have to haggle.” “But we’re buying an electric frying pan!” “So?” “You can’t haggle on a frying pan! We’re going to Retravision, not a market in Thailand.” “Nonsense! Did you know, I got five dollars Read More
Bread Clips! In Britain, loaves of bread are sealed shut with these infuriating strips of sticky plastic that, unless you have ten-inch talons, take half a bloody hour to pick open and then rarely reseal with any degree of satisfaction. But in Australia, you get a miniature masterpiece — the humble bread clip. The simple Read More
“Isn’t it GREEN?” cried The Mothership, taking her hand off the steering wheel and waving it round. “I’ve never seen it so green. Have you ever seen it looking so green?” “Never!” For once The Mothership wasn’t exaggerating. It really was green. Australia, that is. At least the little chunk we saw on our trip. Read More
What’s big, brown and looks like a turd? Why it’s the Big Potato, one of Australia’s premier tourist attractions. A couple of years ago we told Gareth about this monstrosity and I don’t think he ever quite believed us when we said it was utterly crap – an entirely pointless giant concrete lump plonked in Read More
