The day of Wedding Part III dawned more obscenely bright and blue-skied than Wedding Part I and II put together. After bacon and eggs and Sunday papers we slowly got organised. Here’s Gareth ironing his shirt. He was continually amazed by these marvellous things Australians have called LAUNDRIES. A whole separate room, just for the Read More
Here’s a theory: The fancier you make your wedding invitations, the more you increase the expectation that the wedding will be of corresponding fanciness. Like a few months ago a friend of Gareth’s got hitched. The event was announced by a posh, creamy envelope swishing through the mail slot. The two of us gawked at Read More
Domestic Harmony at the Edinburgh Botanic Gardens, 4 March 2006.Portrait by Rory Ewins. Incidentally that's a backpack on my back, not some sort of quasi-Quasimodo growth. What happened next? The snowball connected with my head and I screamed, "YOU HIT ME, YOU FUCKER!". Despite the violence, we are still happy together one year on. I Read More
As the Australian leg of the wedding odyssey rapidly approaches, it’s The Mothership’s turn to get the Wedding Fever. While she has a more relaxed approach than the Motherinlawship for the Scottish one, she’s still a stickler for details. Because weddings are all about details. She came up with the idea of decorating the cake Read More
Cutting the cake was the only Official Wedding Thing we thought we'd have to do during the whole Official Wedding Party. We stabbed the slab, posed for pictures then poised to flee. But that's when people started hollering, "Speech! Speech!". "Ummm," gulped Gareth. He briefly thanked our friends and family then we attempted to scurry Read More
One unexpected side effect of getting married seems to be an increased capacity for shouting at the telly and moaning about the state of the world. We watched a bit of Glastonbury this weekend and complained about: bands that plunder Talking Heads but with sharper suits, the honking huge void left by John Peel and Read More
The stinking invitations have been sent. Thanks to all who offered to be guests; I have you all on standby! GARETH: Can't we just run away from the wedding party? SHAUNA: You can't elope when you're already married!
Gareth and I quite often forget we got married. It still feels like we just went on a really excellent holiday and there was that guy in the Elvis suit. That's why we can only blink confusedly when asked how the Wedding Party Preparations are going. Luckily Mary, Gareth's Mum, knows how lazy and inept Read More
So I finally got round to getting a proper wedding ring. I was hoping the perfect ring would come to me in a dream, delivered on a velvet cloud. But in the end it involved getting off my arse and going to the shops on a crowded Saturday afternoon, ensuring maximum flusteredness. I chose a Read More
"Hey lady!" "Me? Hello!" "Do you like bubble baths?" "Yeah?" "Well if you ever wanna take someone home for a bubble bath, I like candles! And rose petals!" It was strange being in America, the place where strangers talk to you on the street. In our two weeks we encountered so many people who were Read More
