There was a guy leaned over someone's desk, pointing at graphs on the computer screen as I was sailing past to make the seventeenth cup of tea for the day. My right hand twitched automatically and raised slightly. I was just about to swing it towards his butt when I remembered where I was. Would Read More
We saw a couple of most rockin bands on Friday night. The smoky little room above the pub was crammed with drinking dancing bodies, and Gareth seemed to know about 90% of them. How can one person have so many bloody acquaintances? Maybe it just seems a lot compared to the measly three or four Read More
This month in UK Cosmopolitan magazine: Agnes Freeman is the UK’s only penis reader. And Cosmo comes but once a month, so only twelve women per year get to unlock the secrets of their partner’s privates. This means that sadly, for every Verity from Gloucester, there’s a million Melissa’s from Manchester or Confused of Glasgows who Read More
"Have you ever had sex while you were stoned?" "No… what's it like?" "It's amazing. It makes everything so much more intense and wild!" "Wow. So when you'd do that?" "Oh… I haven't. But I had a stoned wank one time!"
There were two girls on the bus the other day, and thank goodness for that, for if it wasn't for people on buses I would never have anything to write about. Anyway, they spoke in the italicised manner of young teens. They huddled over notebooks and scribbled intently with neon pink pens. "We're doomed," declared Read More
When it comes to books, film and television shows, I've always had a strict No Pointy Ears policy. NPE was the umbrella term for all things remotely sci-fi or fantastical; including Star Trek, Buffy, Harry Potter or any thick novel with embossed lettering and a dragon on the cover. To me, the word 'fantasy' meant Read More
I woke up when I heard the mournful cry of a harpooned whale. Actually it was the sound of a flatmate approaching orgasm. Then suddenly she was bellowing impatiently "C'mon! C'mon! C'mooonnnn! C'MON!", followed by a quick and cranky smacking sound. You know when you have a bottle of tomato sauce (ketchup) and it just Read More
Oh that Christy Turlington with her exquisitely flared nostrils; remember when she sat on the cover of Time in the lotus position? Now there's a dame who loves a bit of yoga. These days everyone's into it, for all sorts of reasons. You have the old-school devotees, the ones who've been saluting the sun since Read More
It's been oh oh oh oh so long since there was talk of orgasms on this site. But as I scribble in my notebook it's Saturday 12.33 AM and, ladies and gentlemen, we have a newcomer! What a screamer. I've never heard such a high note, sustained for so long, ah ah ah ah ah Read More
If you were ever a curious teen, you may recall Forever by Judy Blume. There was a young lass, a young lad and a whole lot of shaggery. And a penis named Ralph. It is only referred to as Ralph for the entire story. You can imagine the millions of naive young pups across the Read More
