2011 Review Thingo

 (with 2009 and 2010 answers as well)

1. What did you do this year that you’d never done before?

  • 2009 - Competed in a kickboxing tournament (v. unsuccessfully), went on the telly, became a UK citizen, grew tomatoes and salad leaves, bought a house.
  • 2010 - Visited Italy and Los Angeles, made a souffle, grew parsnips, got counselling. A low key kind of year to be honest.
  • 2011 - Started a business, made jam, grew beetroot, made rhubarb wine, went to Belgium, spoke at a blogging conference, rode a bike in Paris, made crumpets, road in a "bike race"!

2. Did you keep your new year’s resolutions, and will you make more for next this year?

  • 2009 - I resolved to 1) exercise 20 mins a day 2) write down what I eat 3) internet curfew of 10.30pm. About 37% success. My resolution for 2010 is to do more stuff that I enjoy. That is all.
  • 2010 - Success! Aim low, hit target. Definitely made time to do more stuff that I enjoy. Also ate more stuff that I enjoyed. Just too bloody much!
  • 2011 - Kept them like a mofo for the first six months then kinda lost my way for awhile. Back on track now. They're more Good Habits for Life rather than resolutions.

3. Did anyone close to you give birth?

  • 2009 - My foxy work colleague, Lorraine.
  • 2010 - No but 95% of my lady friends got pregnant!
  • 2011 - Lorraine again. And other work colleagues. And lots of school pals. The baby avalanche continues.

4. Did anyone close to you die?

  • 2009 - My great uncle Gordon passed away. He was a lovely man.
  • 2010 - No. Unless you count Peter Pan the sponsor dog!
  • 2011 - No. And no Sponsor Dogs died either, for a change!

5. What countries did you visit?

  • 2009 - Australia and USA
  • 2010 - Italy, France and USA
  • 2011 - Belgium, Italy, France and USA

6. What would you like to have next year that you lacked in this one?

  • 2009 - A clearer mind!
  • 2010 - Focus, drive and, self-belief and the ability to remain calm under pressure.
  • 2011 - Consistency!

7. What dates from this year will remain etched upon your memory, and why?

  • 2009 - Thursday 22 January. Last day in New York. Killer cookie from Levain Bakery.
  • 2010 - That San Francisco Saturday with Jillian & Greg. Sushi, booze, cards, brief sail on the bay.
  • 2011 - The first day of the Fitbloggin conference - meeting blog pals in a jetlagged euphoria.

8. What was your biggest achievement of the year?

  • 2009 - Growing tomatoes!
  • 2010 - Pretty lame old year in the field of achievement. Hosting the cupcake party, I'll say, for sheer joy of it.
  • 2011 - Starting Up and Running. It blows my mind every time I log on to our forum and see all these amazing women running around and kicking arse in a little corner of the internet that we created. Also reading 52 books in 52 weeks after years of trying to hit that dumbarse target.

9. What was your biggest failure?

  • 2009 - Ignoring my health.
  • 2010 - Being reactive rather than proactive.
  • 2011 - Working too much on the weekend.

10. Did you suffer illness or injury?

  • 2009 - The big D.
  • 2010 - Continued big D and 6 seperate colds. Did not eat enough veggies this year it seems.
  • 2011 - Just my stupid knee still being a bastard. Almost made it through cold-free until a rotten one right before Christmas.

11. What was the best thing you bought?

  • 2009 - iStuff 808 Bass Sound Isolating Earphones - only £16.99 to totally drown out snotty noses and rubbish banter on public transport! I heartily endorse!
  • 2010 - Bargain spinning bike so we can exercise indoors when the weather is shithouse.
  • 2011 - A decent hairdryer

12. Where did most of your money go?

  • 2009 - Airfares to Australia and deposit for Crooked House.
  • 2010 - Shrink fees.
  • 2011 - Four new windows and a back door. Honestly the most fucking boring purchase in my life. But nice to have windows that don't leak when it rains.

13. What did you get really, really, really excited about?

  • 2009 - The sausage and onion pie from SimpleSimon Pies.
  • 2010 - Wallander! I got just a wee bit obsessive about this Swedish detective and his various incarnations on the telly.
  • 2011 - The Killing! And this here Kvikk Lunsj chocolate bar that Gareth brought back from Norway. Wonder if I'll get excited about anything in 2012 that isn't either edible or Scandinavian!?

14. What song will always remind you of this year?

  • 2009 - Hocus Pocus. Gareth dragged me along to a Focus gig - Dutch prog yodelling ahoy.
  • 2010 - All the songs on Dusty Live From Memphis.
  • 2011 - Sadness Is A Blessing by Lykki Li. Also my box of CDs finally arrived from Oz and I became addicted to Different Class all over again.

15. Compared to this time last year, are you:
a) happier or sadder?

  • 2009 - I was sadder, but i'm doing something about it, so much happier now!
  • 2010 - Happier!
  • 2011 - I don't really like this happy/sad simplification coz life is always light and shade. But I'm more content and better at dealing with the shitty bits.

b) thinner or fatter?

  • 2009 - Fatter, but again doing something about it.
  • 2010 - Fatter, again. Obviously did not do enough about it!
  • 2011 - Marginally thinner. Which means still chunkier than I want to be, but really pleased with how it's going.

c) richer or poorer?

  • 2009 - Poorer financially due to mortgage shackles. But feeling very lucky and appreciative to have a good life and know so many groovy people.
  • 2010 - About the same!
  • 2011 - About the same, but those bloody windows didn't help.

16. What do you wish you’d done more of?

  • 2009 - Look after my mental health. Fun outings with Dr G. Travel. I've not been anywhere Euro since 2007! (shitey work trip doesn't count :)
  • 2010 - Take photos.
  • 2011 - Gardening. It's a jungle out there.

17. What do you wish you’d done less of?

  • 2009 - Worrying about what other people think.
  • 2010 - Panicking. Overeating. Excuse making.
  • 2011 - Staying up too late on a school night.

18. How did you spend Christmas?

  • 2009 - Rhi and the in-laws are coming to Crooked House! There will be feasting and port.
  • 2010 - Same! Christmas was even better this year thanks to better planning and advance preparation. The timings of the food were perfect on the big day, too. I dunno why that gives me such pleasure. Also: provided entertainment this year in the form of Billionaire card game. So much fun.
  • 2011 - Same! But with introduction of Jamie Oliver's Jerk ham. Bloody beautiful! We also started a new Christmas Even tradition: "Early Edible Present". Despite my obsessive planning I'd not bought anything in the Snacks To Eat While Watching Cheesy Christmas Movies category. So we raided the Christmas stockings for one tasty ration each.

19. Did you fall in love this year?

  • 2009 - Yes, with my cherry tomatoes! And more in love with Dr G. We have both had a real stinker of a 2009 in many respects but we kept each other trucking along.
  • 2010 - Still diggin' the G Man.
  • 2011 - With Barney, my Kindle! Gareth also got a Kindle this year and called it Kevin "Bloody" Kindle which never fails to crack me up when I see it on the screen.

20. What was your favorite TV program?

  • 2009 - The Thick of It
  • 2010 - Mad Men
  • 2011 - The Killing! The Danish one, tak you very much.

21. What was the best book you read?

  • 2009 - Forest for the Trees by Betsy Lerner
  • 2010 - A Tree Grows In Brooklyn by Betty Smith
  • 2011 - Didn't really have a particular favourite this year.

22. What was your favorite film of this year?

  • 2009 - Didn't see too many good films, but some oldies I saw for the first time and loved were Blade Runner and The Diving Bell and the Butterfly.
  • 2010 - Only saw Inception (nae bad) and Sex and the City 2 (urgh) at the cinema. Favourite LoveFilm rental was Etre et Avoir and also finally saw Gladiator which was ace.
  • 2011 - I saw five movies at the cinema this year: Tinker Tailor Soldier Spy (nae bad), The Lavender Hill Mob (classic), Bridesmaids (great), Whisky Galore (ace) and It's A Wonderful Life (blubbed like a baby). ET was on the telly on Christmas Eve and I blubbed at that too!

23. What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you?

  • 2009 - I went to the BBC Good Food show in Glasgow then I scrubbed the walls of our putrid house. I turned 32.
  • 2010 - I went to work! But the weekend before I had a spa day, dinner with the inlaws at a great pub, and dinner at Chop Chop with Rhi and Dr G. Was 33.
  • 2011 - Work again. Gareth took me out for a fancy dinner. It was lovely but we absconded to a cheaper place for pudding!

24. What kept you sane?

  • 2009 - Kickboxing and the addictive genius of SJ and the Egg's brilliant FYCL podcast.
  • 2010 - Books.
  • 2011 - Books again, but on the Kindle. I love having that instant escape in my handbag at all times.

25. Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most?

  • 2009 - Peter Capaldi. Loved him shouty sweary on The Thick Of It and loved him rambling on as he drew little sketches on that documentary about Scottish art.
  • 2010 - Was a pretty quiet year on the celebrity crush front. Quite fancied Don Draper for awhile there but it's on the wane.
  • 2011 - I quite fancied Strange in The Killing II. For awhile!

26. Who did you miss?

  • 2009 - Everyone in Australia, especially Peita, Jane and Jen Dog.
  • 2010 - Same!
  • 2011 - Same again.

27. Who was the best new person you met?

  • 2009 - Alison, a sage and hilarious arsekicker :)
  • 2010 - A whole tribe of Girl Geeks.
  • 2011 - Julia, in person at last, and a few hundred Up & Runners.

Giddyup!

2010 Review Thingo

(with last year's answers as well)

1. What did you do this year that you’d never done before?
2009 - Competed in a kickboxing tournament (v. unsuccessfully), went on the telly, became a UK citizen, grew tomatoes and salad leaves, bought a house.

2010 - Visited Italy and Los Angeles, made a souffle, grew parsnips, got counselling. A low key kind of year to be honest.

2. Did you keep your new year’s resolutions, and will you make more for next this year?
2009 - I resolved to 1) exercise 20 mins a day 2) write down what I eat 3) internet curfew of 10.30pm. About 37% success. My resolution for 2010 is to do more stuff that I enjoy. That is all.

2010 - Success! Aim low, hit target. Definitely made time to do more stuff that I enjoy. Also ate more stuff that I enjoyed. Just too bloody much!

3. Did anyone close to you give birth?

2009 - My foxy work colleague, Lorraine.

2010 - No but 95% of my lady friends got pregnant!

4. Did anyone close to you die?
2009 - My great uncle Gordon passed away. He was a lovely man.

2010 - No. Unless you count Peter Pan the sponsor dog!

5. What countries did you visit?
2009 - Australia and USA

2010 - Italy, France and USA.

6. What would you like to have next year that you lacked in this one?
2009 - A clearer mind!

2010 - Focus, drive and, self-belief and the ability to remain calm under pressure.

7. What dates from this year will remain etched upon your memory, and why?

2009 - Thursday 22 January. Last day in New York. Killer cookie from Levain Bakery.

2010 - That San Francisco Saturday with Jillian & Greg. Sushi, booze, cards, brief sail on the bay.

8. What was your biggest achievement of the year?
2009 - Growing tomatoes!

2010 - Pretty lame old year in the field of achievement. Hosting the cupcake party, I'll say, for sheer joy of it.

9. What was your biggest failure?
2010 - Ignoring my health.

2010 - Being reactive rather than proactive.

10. Did you suffer illness or injury?
2009 - The big D.

2010 - Continued big D and 6 seperate colds. Did not eat enough veggies this year it seems.

11. What was the best thing you bought?
2009 - iStuff 808 Bass Sound Isolating Earphones - only £16.99 to totally drown out snotty noses and rubbish banter on public transport! I heartily endorse!

2010 - Bargain spinning bike so we can exercise indoors when the weather is shithouse.

12. Where did most of your money go?
2009 - Airfares to Australia and deposit for Crooked House.

2010 - Shrink fees.

13. What did you get really, really, really excited about?
2009 - The sausage and onion pie from SimpleSimon Pies.

2010 - Wallander! I got just a wee bit obsessive about this Swedish detective and his various incarnations on the telly.

14. What song will always remind you of this year?
2009 - Hocus Pocus. Gareth dragged me along to a Focus gig - Dutch prog yodelling ahoy.

2010 - All the songs on Dusty Live From Memphis.

15. Compared to this time last year, are you:
a) happier or sadder?

2009 - I was sadder, but i'm doing something about it, so much happier now!
2010 - Happier!

b) thinner or fatter?
2009 - Fatter, but again doing something about it.
2010 - Fatter, again. Obviously did not do enough about it!

c) richer or poorer?
2009 - Poorer financially due to mortgage shackles. But feeling very lucky and appreciative to have a good life and know so many groovy people.

2010 - About the same!

16. What do you wish you’d done more of?

2009 - Look after my mental health. Fun outings with Dr G. Travel. I've not been anywhere Euro since 2007! (shitey work trip doesn't count :)

2010 - Take photos.

17. What do you wish you’d done less of?
2009 - Worrying about what other people think.
2010 - Panicking. Overeating. Excuse making.

18. How will you spend Christmas?
2009 - Rhi and the in-laws are coming to Crooked House! There will be feasting and port.

2010 - Same! Christmas was even better this year thanks to better planning and advance preparation. The timings of the food were perfect on the big day, too. I dunno why that gives me such pleasure. Also: provided entertainment this year in the form of Billionaire card game. So much fun.

19. Did you fall in love this year?
2009 - Yes, with my cherry tomatoes! And more in love with Dr G. We have both had a real stinker of a 2009 in many respects but we kept each other trucking along.

2010 - Still diggin' the G Man.

20. What was your favorite TV program?
2009 - The Thick of It
2010 - Mad Men

21. What was the best book you read?
2009 - Forest for the Trees by Betsy Lerner
2010 - A Tree Grows In Brooklyn by Betty Smith

22. What was your favorite film of this year?
2009 - Didn't see too many good films, but some oldies I saw for the first time and loved were Blade Runner and The Diving Bell and the Butterfly.

2010 - Only saw Inception (nae bad) and Sex and the City 2 (urgh) at the cinema. Favourite LoveFilm rental was Etre et Avoir and also finally saw Gladiator which was ace.

23. What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you?
2009 - I went to the BBC Good Food show in Glasgow then I scrubbed the walls of our putrid house. I turned 32.

2010 - I went to work! But the weekend before I had a spa day, dinner with the inlaws at a great pub, and dinner at Chop Chop with Rhi and Dr G. Was 33.

24. What kept you sane?
2009 - Kickboxing and the addictive genius of SJ and the Egg's brilliant FYCL podcast.

2010 - Books.

25. Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most?

2009 - Peter Capaldi. Loved him shouty sweary on The Thick Of It and loved him rambling on as he drew little sketches on that documentary about Scottish art.

2010 - Was a pretty quiet year on the celebrity crush front. Quite fancied Don Draper for awhile there but it's on the wane.

26. Who did you miss?
2009 - Everyone in Australia, especially Peita, Jane and Jen Dog.

2010 - Same!

27. Who was the best new person you met?
2009 - Alison, a sage and hilarious arsekicker :)

2010 - A whole tribe of Girl Geeks.

Phew!

Reverb 10, Day 18 – Try

December 18Try
What do you want to try next year? Is there something you wanted to try in 2010? What happened when you did / didn’t go for it?
Author: Tara Weaver

My 43 things list has the stuff I've tried and want to try so won't subject you to that again. The big thing for 2011 is to try and stay sane and healthy. At Chez Day Job, I'll be doing my dear boss's job while she's on maternity leave. I've got two weeks of holidays to psyche myself up and develop the ability to: feign confidence, multi-task, be organised, not take things personally, and cultivate an attention span longer than a flea's eyelash. Also: must astrategise how not to let it steal my energy so I stay off the chocolate and keep working on non-Day Job stuff. Ooh it's a saucy blend of determination and dread!

(Hey this post has only taken five minutes. Does that make up for cheating on Day 15?)

(Actually now I've spent twenty minutes trying to find out what the possessive plural of boss is. Boss's? Bosses? Boss'? B'o's's'?! The internet was conflicted on this one.)

10 Years of Pussycat

MIAOW Dear Blog,

Today you turn one hundred and twenty months old!

When you began I was just 23 years old, working as a web slave. Now I am 33 years old, working as a web slave. Where did it all go right?

(Actually the current web slavery is just helps pay the bills; I do stuff on the side that brings a dose of fulfillment. So don't close that browser! I'm not entirely a loser who has failed to evolve!)

Here are some statistics pertaining to this past decade together:

  • moved house 7 times
  • drove 3 cars
  • had 5 jobs (excl. tedious temp gigs)
  • became estranged from 1 parent
  • saw Radiohead 3 times (plus one aborted mission)
  • encountered 3 jolly bouts of depression
  • tried and failed to learn 2 languages (French, Spanish)
  • visited the United States 6 times
  • attended 3 funerals
  • started 1 novel
  • finished 0 novel
  • drank 0.5 beers (still can't get into it)
  • fell in love twice
  • fainted twice
  • vomited twice
  • the previous three points are unrelated

In recent times many people told me to put you to sleep because of my gross neglect. Why keep you limping along? Why not just write everything on the fatty blog? I could never do that. Sure I got distracted by life and Dietgirl book writing and pimping then got self conscious for about two years… but you are my favourite online hideout. You're small and cosy and nobody sends hate mail (yet!).

Thank you everyone out there who's reading or ever read. I've met so many wonderful people and made some friends for life. I love reading about other people's lives far more than wittering on about my own.

Now let us all pause and light a candle for online friendships that have drifted away, either dramatically, accidentally, reluctantly or inexplicably. You all rawk.

Here's to blogging just for the hell of it.

Yours sincerely,
Shaundogg

P.S. My favourite moment of the last ten years of blogging? Probably the Pussycat T-Shirt of July 2000. I always peak too early!


Yawho?

2009 and Feelin’ Fine

No internet at home so sneakily spewing this out at work! I got this from my pal Trish.

1. What did you do in 2009  that you’d never done before?
Competed in a kickboxing tournament (v. unsuccessfully), went on the telly, became a UK citizen, grew tomatoes and salad leaves, bought a house.

2. Did you keep your new year’s resolutions, and will you make more for next this year?
I resolved to 1) exercise 20 mins a day 2) write down what I eat 3) internet curfew of 10.30pm. About 37% success. My resolution for 2010 is to do more stuff that I enjoy. That is all.

3. Did anyone close to you give birth?

My foxy work colleague, Lorraine.

4. Did anyone close to you die?
My great uncle Gordon passed away. He was a lovely man.

5. What countries did you visit?
Australia and USA

6. What would you like to have in 2010 that you lacked in 2009?
A clearer mind!

7. What dates from 2009 will remain etched upon your memory, and why?

Thursday 22 January. Last day in New York. Killer cookie from Levain Bakery.

8. What was your biggest achievement of the year?
Growing tomatoes!

9. What was your biggest failure?
Ignoring my health.

10. Did you suffer illness or injury?
The big D.

11. What was the best thing you bought?
iStuff 808 Bass Sound Isolating Earphones – only £16.99 to totally drown out snotty noses and rubbish banter on public transport! I heartily endorse!

12. Where did most of your money go?
Airfares to Australia and deposit for Crooked House.

13. What did you get really, really, really excited about?
The sausage and onion pie from SimpleSimon Pies.

14. What song will always remind you of 2009?
Hocus Pocus. Gareth dragged me along to a Focus gig – Dutch prog yodelling ahoy.

15. Compared to this time last year, are you:
a) happier or sadder?

I was sadder, but i'm doing something about it, so much happier now!
b) thinner or fatter?
Fatter, but again doing something about it.
c) richer or poorer?
Poorer financially due to mortgage shackles. But feeling very lucky and appreciative to have a good life and know so many groovy people.

16. What do you wish you’d done more of?

Look after my mental health.
Fun outings with Dr G.
Travel. I've not been anywhere Euro since 2007! (shitey work trip doesn't count :)

17. What do you wish you’d done less of?
Worrying about what other people think.

18. How will you spend Christmas?
Rhi and the in-laws are coming to Crooked House! There will be feasting and port.

19. Did you fall in love in 2009?
Yes, with my cherry tomatoes! And more in love with Dr G. We have both had a real stinker of a 2009 in many respects but we kept each other trucking along.

20. What was your favorite TV program?
The Thick of It.

21. What was the best book you read?
Forest for the Trees by Betsy Lerner

22. What was your favorite film of this year?
Didn't see too many good films, but some oldies I saw for the first time and loved were Blade Runner and The Diving Bell and the Butterfly

23. What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you?
I went to the BBC Good Food show in Glasgow then I scrubbed the walls of our putrid house. I turned 32.

24. What kept you sane?
Kickboxing and the addictive genius of SJ and the Egg's brilliant FYCL podcast.

25. Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most?

Peter Capaldi. Loved him shouty sweary on The Thick Of It and loved him rambling on as he drew little sketches on that documentary about Scottish art.

26. Who did you miss?
Everyone in Australia, especially Peita, Jane and Jen Dog.

27. Who was the best new person you met?
Alison, a sage and hilarious arsekicker :)

Happy Holidays to all you groovy groovers out there!

2006: Sport

The longer I'm away from Australia the more obsessed I become with sport. I guess it's a sad little way to feel closer to home.

Top Three Sporting Spectacles of 2006

3.  Commonwealth Games, March
For that one glorious day when Scotland topped the medal tally, for the hilarious lawn bowls commentary, and just for two wistful weeks watching beautiful Melbourne on the telly.

2.  World Cup, June/July
The highs! The lows! The weeks on the couch with barely a pause to bathe! I'll never forget the joy of Australia v Croatia or the devastating kick in the guts that was Australia v Italy. And I will just gloss over that whole headbutting palaver and remember the most important lesson to be learned from the World Cup – that Zinedine Zidane looks much better without hair.

Ooh la.
L: Non.   R: Oui!

1.  MotoGP, The Entire 2006 Season
The day before the first race of the year started I almost wrote an entry BEGGING somebody, anybody; to tune in and give this sport a go in 2006. Share my joy, you bastards. But I didn't, and World Champ Valentino Rossi crashed out on the first turn, kicking off the most spectacular, unpredictable, tense, action-packed season in history.

From the nailbiting finish at Mugello to Dani Pedrosa "taking out" his own teammate at the penultimate race, to Rossi's devastating crash right in front of our stand at Valencia, there were many moments when I almost wept at being so bloody fortunate to witness the sheer brilliance of it all! Luckily Gareth bought me the Season Highlights DVD so I can relive it over and over like a sad git.

And Mothership, I apologise for being a little distant when you first arrived on my doorstep back in July; but it was right in the middle of a very exciting British GP.

Most Unspectacular Sporting Spectacle of 2006(07)

The Ashes
As I write this, I'm watching the English tail being killed off in the final test match. Or to be more accurate, I'm watching the radio coverage on the digital telly, which means just voices and a scoreboard. If you want moving pictures with your cricket over here you have to pay for Sky cable. Damn you, Rupert Murdoch! But the BBC's radio commentary and nightly TV highlights were great, and their ball-by-ball live blogging action is always hilarious.

dust to dust!

79 sleeps until the 2007 MotoGP season starts.

2006: Blogs

This week in Blogland feels dead, like the non-ratings summer period you get on Australian telly where it's all Macgyver and M*A*S*H repeats. So while it is quiet I shall write about my favourite things from 2006. And there's nothing you can do to stop me!

First up: BLOGS.

There are so many sailors on the sea of blogs these days, how does one pluck a few favourites out of the water? I like a blogger with a strong voice and a sense of humour. I like reading about lives far removed from my own, or people who are opinionated where I am fluffy, or people who are good at things at which I am crap. I like bloggers who are far more intelligent than me, when I'm too scared to leave comments so just sit in awed silence. And sometimes most of all, I like to make the first cuppa of the day then sip and read about people cooking good things, while I wonder how long it is until I can reasonably eat my lunch.

Here's a few of my favourites this year, many of which were new. By new I don't necessarily mean new new. Just new to me, as I always seem to "discover" blogs miles after everyone else has.

The last blog is by writer Jenny Diski and among the gold found while stalking her archives was this:

"I am a woman of no substance. I've always said so, but people choose to believe that it's some charming conceit of mine. It's true that the brighter you shine the light on the grim truth, the more people laugh gaily and exclaim how witty, indeed how wonderful, you are. The more you explain that you aren't, that you are speaking the simple unedifying truth, the more they shake their heads in admiration."

Finally, here are Gareth's Top Blogs of 2006, as deduced by peeking at his laptop screen throughout the year. First he scans my blogs for typos and amusing comments, then maybe he'll see which one of us has the most friends on stinking MySpace, then sometimes he checks for fresh bitter and twistedness on True Wife Confessions and asks, "Is this one yours? Is this one yours!?".

And then he visits his favourite blogs:

Impeccable taste!

Pussycat IV

So here I am, still writing on a website (four years today) and making it easy for old acquaintances to Google and quickly realise that I'm still an idiot so there's no need to get back in touch.

Writing on the internet is easy. Compare the life of an internet writer-type to that of an actor. The actor must go to auditions or to Blockbuster in order to check out the competition, feel inadequate and wonder if they should try and be someone else — internet writers just have to look at their blogroll. And they can do it without having to put on makeup or underpants.

Also consider the internet reader versus the movie-goer. Internet readers don't have to pay money and sit through what could be a rubbish film — they can scan the first few lines of a webpage and click away if it stinks.

It's also beautifully easy for everyone to interact. Readers can leave comments or zap emails and their words will wash over the writer, all sweet and warm like a strawberry being lowered into a pot of chocolate fondue. But if you want to communicate with an actor, you have to send a self-addressed envelope to a fan club, and who knows how long it will take for the form letter/head shot to get back to you? It's much harder to give feedback, unless you're really determined like that guy who tried to assassinate Reagan.

Blogging's been a struggle this past year without a job that supports the habit. But the urge to write never wavers; I think in paragraphs while sitting on the bus, lips moving slowly like a psychopath while testing lines of dialogue. This is followed by weeks of mental editing, so by the time I actually write anything down it is no longer relevant, timely or of any interest to anyone at all. When I actually manage to produce something, I feel an enormous, shuddering relief, like an old man on a toilet after a mighty Vindaloo.

I still treat like this blog like an embarrassing secret. I panic when friends discover it. For four years I've been "forgetting" to email mum the address. When I see it on my sister's screen my face burns with shame like a 13-year-old boy caught with a Playboy. Part of me still thinks it's insane that millions of people are all typing words into little boxes and sending them out into ether.

Still, you can't deny the good a blog can bring over the years. They open doors, they inspire and frustrate. They show you how big and small the world is. They lead you to friends you now couldn't be without, even someone to fall in love with. They improve your typing speed.