I was trudging back to my car this eve with a trolley full of groceries when I noticed the Great Dane. A great big brown smooth-hair doe-eyed Great Dane, sitting on the passenger seat in a tiny Holden Barina, his oversized snout resting mournfully on the dash.
I'm a sucker for big brown eyes at the best of times, but when the big brown eyes are attached to a big brown furry body trapped inside a tiny white car with all the windows wound up, I saw red.
My sister, who'd gone back to purchase something we'd forgotten, awwwwed when she saw him there. I pointed out to her that all the windows were up. Then I asked her did she have a Post-It note.
There's thing with me and cars and Post-It's that goes back a fair way. Back in my crazy uni days we once happened along a car with two flat tyres. So I scribbled on a post-it and slapped it on the hub cab, HEY. YOUR TYRE IS FLAT.. Then we added to the other, AND SO IS THIS ONE.
And the poor soul who left their lights on one foggy winter morn: YOU LEFT YOUR LIGHTS ON… DICKHEAD!
Then another day we found this obnoxious powder blue Volvo parked in a place that was clearly not a proper parking spot. And knowing that the driver of said obnoxious powder blue Volvo was quite obnoxious herself, we promptly scribbled, THAT'S NOT A PARK. Which sat prettily next to the parking fine the campus nazis slapped on there 5 minutes later.
So today, I brewed about the doggy gasping for air for about 15 seconds before asking my sister, "Don't spose you've got a Post-It?"
She handled me the crumpled shopping list. Carrots, OJ, museli bars, laundry liquid, rice, ice cream, Harry Food… There was just enough room for me to scrawl my note: GIVE YOUR POOR DOG SOME VENTILATION
I chewed my pen in deep thought before adding … YOU BASTARDS!
My sister grinned and carefully stuck the note to the door of the car, made some consoling kissy-kiss noises in the Dane's general direction before screeching to me, "Quuuuuuuick! Quick! Drive awayyyyyy!"
So we sped out of the parking lot, laughing maniacally. We were halfway back into the city when I said, "I wish we could have seen the owner's reaction!"
"Yessssss…. me tooooo."
Three minutes and a red light later we were back in the carpark, staking out the offending vehicle. I'm sure we were most inconspicuous, a big gold coloured car hiding behind a concrete pole and some abandoned trolleys in a deserted Sunday night carpark.
But we didn't have to wait long. A young woman with badly bleached hair, sweat pants and cigarette sauntered to the car. She plucked it off, read it, frowned, looked around furtively then tossed it away. The dog jumped around happily when she opened the car door.
"Woohoo!" my sister squealed. "Now let's go home!"
"No no no, wait wait. I want to get the note so I can scan it for my web page!"
"Just drive! DRIVE!"