Built For Speed

I spent the day at the Macromedia Built For Speed seminar today. Woohoo. It was interesting to see all the computery folks of Canberra surface for the event. And what an odd bunch of individuals they are. I am sure most of them were government contractors looking for a day release from public service a la me.

I don't know how it happened but I ended up sitting surrounded by the most annoying people in the universe. In front of me was Mullet Man, his long greasy brown tresses cascading over his shoulders like Michael Bolton in flannel. And he had the most appalling body odour. Not that there is any kind of BO that isn't appalling, but his was particularly potent.

Behind me was The Sound Of One Moron Clapping. You know the kind. They can't just laugh at a joke like a normal person. They have to shout "HA! HA! HA!" really slowly, with each HA punctuated by a clap. HA *clap* HA *clap*. Like that. Grrr.

To my right was Whistler. His nose trilled away like a rabid canary all day long. Phhhhwwwwwwwwwweeeeeeeet! I wanted to slap him down and scream "JUST BLOW YOUR FUCKING NOSE DAMMIIIIIIT!"

But I didn't. I am a classy, tolerant dame.

There were also a couple of dozen losers in the room who found it necessary to shout out stupid comments and laugh uproariously at their own efforts. A note to programmers: You're not funny. So shut the fuck up.

Then there was Annoying Redhead Bitch (ARB). ARB is a teacher at the fine institution I attended last year and is one of those know it all types, completely oblivious to the fact that all her students know more than her. Every time one of the presenters would make a mistake she sqwark out, "No! That's wrong!". Or if someone got in and answered before her and won themselves a totally choice Macromedia mouse mat she'd sulk, "I said that before!"

She was bleating away with some answer but the presenter didn't hear her, so Mullet Man yelled it out and won a Macromedia t-shirt for his efforts. "Hey that was my answer!" sputtered ARB, then whacked MM in the manner of Elaine's "get out!" thing on Seinfeld, except MM was sitting in from of ARB so MM went sprawling off his chair and hit the decks.

It's amazing what people will do for a stupid hat or a pen. You should have seen the frenzy when they drew the winners of the software. I was feeling lucky and planned to sell my software on Ebay, since I have all the Macromedia stuff nice and cracked on my puter already. I was picturing myself putting the dough towards that camera I've been lusting after for so long. It was mine, all mine. The winning tickets were Red F17 and Red F7. My ticket was Red F 70! Bastards!

But I did win a cruddy lollipop for answering a question.

About Shauna Reid

Ahoy there! I’m Shauna, an author, copywriter and content mentor. I love telling stories about life and helping others to tell theirs.

Find out more about me and how we can work together – I’m now booking for November 2020.