Cyclists of the nation's capital, listen here. I really respect your eco-friendliness, your bravery to ride on a winters day, the muscular thighs and pert buttocks for my viewing pleasure. But why can't you make up your bloody mind. Are you going act like a car, or a pedestrian?
There's nothing worse than cruising along a major road in peak hour and you're wobbling all over the left lane. You won't bloody stay near the edge and there's nowhere for me to move because all the other lanes are clogged. I'm terrified of coming too close and shaving off your arm like a meat slicer, but you just keep pedalling along, veering ever closer to my car, when there's a perfectly good bike path a few metres away!
Then in the morning when I am late to work, you chug along the street as slow as molasses, so I put my foot down and overtake you. In return you get all huffy and wave your fists and curse at me!
I almost killed one of you when turning down a street. This time you'd chosen to go Pedestrian and ride along the footpath. You got to the end of it and instead of stopping to look for cars as a normal pedestrian, you decide you are a law unto yourself and sail across the intersection without stopping for me, who was already halfway turned into the street. So I have to slam on my brakes, and suddenly your front tyre is kissing mine.
"Gee, don't you watch what you're doing?" you snarl.
If you want to be given the same courtesy as an ordinary old car or someone on foot, how bout giving me some courtesy? You expect us to treat you the same as any other car on the road, yet if the light goes red you decide, "Hey! I'm going to make a like biped now and ride across the crossing! Then when it's convenient for me I will ride in the middle of the frigging road again!".
You're zipping all over the place like an angry mosquito, confusing me and scaring me witless. So if you expect me to brake at the zebra crossing, pick up your act. Or better still, use one of the twenty bazillion bike paths in this crappy town. You can't have it both ways. Make up your mind before I mow you down in cold blood!