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Return of the Mothership

After few days of mooching around feeling pathetic and sad, I'm rejuvenated. The meeting did not go very well, but I just got my hair cut and I feel good so that's what I chose to focus on for now. Woo!

On Monday we got tarted up for my sister's graduation. Although she graduated last year, she had to return to receive her top of the class medal thingy. Very impressive looking hunk of metal, I tells ya.

Mum arrived in town only half an hour before we had to leave. She came bearing carrots. We don't pass down precious heirlooms in our family, just vegetables. My grandmother's neighbour gave my grandmother a Clint's Crazy Bargains bagful of home-grown carrots, tiny and deformed looking with huge green tops, so they made the journey down to Canberra for our dining pleasure.

We were running terribly late. Of course that was the moment our iron decided to spew murky water all over Mum's suit, leading to a rousing chorus of "Don't you ever clean your iron?".

Then poor E was in the bathroom cleaning her teeth when Mum strolls past the half-closed door, reaches in and turns the light out. E later reported that Mum muttered, "You kids! Wasting electricity! Disgusting!"

Finally we were off and we dropped Rhiannon off out the front of Parliament House, she had to be there a bit earlier to get her cap and gown. As she made her greatful escape, Mum is rabbiting on, "I hope she's got a good deoderant on a day like this. What's that black gunk on the back of her leg? Shauna she's got black gunk on the back of her leg! Quick! Beep the horn and get her to come back here and get that gunk off the back of her leg!"

She was just winding down her window to bellow at my poor sister when I pointed out that the black gunk was in fact a small bruise.

I then had the pleasure of sitting in the foyer of Parliament House chatting to Mum for 45 minutes before the ceremony began. Once the local gossip was out of the way, she took to her usual habit of saying, "So what's new?" every 2 minutes.

MOTHERSHIP: So what's new?

SHAUNY: Nothing.

M: Did you know these granite floors came from Eugowra?

S: I did not know that.

M: I'm glad I'm not the one that has to clean these floors.

S: *sigh*

M: What's wrong with you?

S: I feel like a blob today.

M: Well, you're quite an attractive blob.

S: Um. Thanks. M: See, don't you just love me? This is why you bring me places.

Five minutes blissful silence.

M: So what's new?

S: Nothing!

M: Well there has to be something!

S: There isn't!

M: Well. Alright. I see you are wearing a skirt today.

S: Excellent observation.

M: It's nice to see you wearing a skirt.

S: Thank you.

M: But are you wearing a petticoat?

S: What?

M: [schoolteacher voice, over-enunciating] Are you wearing a petticoat?

S: Do I look like a crusty old lady?

M: You should wear a petticoat if you're going to wear a skirt. You may as well be naked without one.

The clock inches forward a little, Mum's still talking and I am watching the cricket on a television in the corner.

M: So I haven't been to your website lately.

S: Good.

M: I just haven't had the time! I'm flat out at work. I'm running around like a mad chook! But don't think I'm not interested! I do want to go and see what wonderful things you're writing.

S: I haven't written any wonderful writings lately.

M: And why not?

S: Just feeling a little uninspired.

M: Well. Let The Mother help you. You should write about something funny you see. People like to read about funny things. Like look at all those men gathering around the television to watch the cricket. Isn't it funny how men always do that? Oh you could write about that. And how the more things change the more they stay the same! What do you reckon?

S: Umm.

It was lovely evening, we had dinner at The Tryst which is always tasty. Especially when Mum has a few wines then decides to make her own road rules on the drive home. With my fifteenth reminder from mum to Please Clip Harry's Toenails, and nice bellyful of red, I slept very well that night.

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About Shauna Reid

Ahoy there! Iโ€™m an author, copywriter and old school blogger. I love telling stories about life and helping my clients to tell theirs. Find out more about me and how we can work together.


26 thoughts on “Return of the Mothership

  1. oh dear god, she sounds just like my dear mother. we arrived at the airport, having not seen her for a year, and the first thing that pops out of her mouth is ‘what bra are you wearing?’. ye gads.

  2. Yay! Shauny blog! And in fine form too ๐Ÿ™‚ Your mum sounds like a hoot! At least my mum never asks me about petticoats or bras – or at least not for a while now.

    Oh, and a Merry Christmas right atcha! And a Splendiforous New Year!

    So there.

  3. *ROFLMAO!*

    Your ma and my ma should meet. They’d get on like a house of fire.

    (Only my ma says “So what else is happening?” ever 2 minutes….not much happens in 2 minutes though!)

  4. ROTFLMAO…. I’ll have to remember that one.

    I always love your stories, Shauna. And I have to correct your mum on one small point: men don’t always gather in front of the TV to watch cricket. Sometimes they gather to watch Baywatch.

    Heh.

  5. Hey Shauny, Was very happy today when I dropped by the pussycat and saw your post. Sorry to hear that the meeting did not go so well. But had a great laugh re your mum story. Hope you have a wonderful Christmas and New Year. Take care.

  6. Kind of sorry I missed meeting your mum when I was there. Oh, well.

    Don’t you find it deliciously ironic that, even as she is telling you to find funny things to write about, she’s providing those very funny things?

    Course, she’s probably reading the comments too, so…uh, ooh.

    Er.

  7. Thanks for the reminder of how scary parentals are… 5 days till I see mine ๐Ÿ™
    7 days till I get home ๐Ÿ™‚

  8. TC – can’t say i’m disappointed you didn’t get to meet her ๐Ÿ˜›

    mark – explains what? huh huh?

    testing “remember info”… testing testing 123…

  9. Hahaha! Just as you said. “How *do* they clean these things?”

    Your poor mum. I’m sure she means well ๐Ÿ™‚

    And I like the black here!

  10. Welcome back, Miss Shauny! It’s very cruel of you to leave us Shauny-blog-less for so long, but I suppose we might forgive you in the end. ๐Ÿ™‚ *Christmas hugs*

  11. Hey Shauny. Thanks for the tip on MT, will definately change it over. What happened on Tuesday? Is it too too horrible? Don’t worry about the MFH (mum from hell), they all mean well. Like, yeah, right! LOL for Xmas xxx

  12. Scary parental Christmas time. I’ve already had my mother back in the country and re-running my life. Nice work if you can get it, I guess.

    Sounds like your mum should be made aware of the women who watch cricket, though – all Tuesday it was my Mum who gravitated to any TV screen within sight, made even easier by going to the MCG, while I stood around bored out of my gourd and trying not to catch any.

  13. the more things change the more they stay the same!
    it’s true!

    and just wait until you realise you’re her!
    (and your daughers realise they’re you – that’s even funnier!)

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