Big Mama on the Hill

“So we had the Cross Country the other day, we’re out in the middle of a paddock somewhere and the stewed ants [mothership speak for “students”] were limbering up to start the running.

And Leanne is organising everyone and getting people to be checkpoints along the course, to make sure none of the kids run off into the wilderness. Then she hands me this walkie talkie. What am I sposed to do with this? I says to her. It’s a walkie talkie, says Leanne. I know it’s a walkie talkie, but why do I need it? You have to report back to me when the last kid has run past your checkpoint, she says. Well, okay, but I don’t know how to use a walkie talkie. It’s easy, Leanne says, you just press the button and talk, and when you arrive at your checkpoint I’ll send you a message to make sure it’s working.

So I toddles off to my checkpoint and I am standing there waiting waiting waiting. The race starts and the kids are off, so I sit down and enjoy the sunshine. Then all of a sudden the walkie talkie is talking…. Big Mama on the Hill! Big Mama on the Hill! … I look at the walkie talkie and wonder who this Big Mama person is, but think nothing of it.

And then… This is HQ. Come in, Big Mama on the Hill! Big Mama, can you read me? … I am scratching my head and I just couldn’t figure out what the hell she was on about or who she was talking to and thought she must have a drinking problem. And there it goes again… Big Mama on the Hill! Hello! We are looking right at you but you do not seem to be responding! Come in, Big Mama!

This is when my sister had to interrupt. “Mum, how many of you had walkie talkies?”

“Three of us. Leanne and the lady at the other checkpoint down the track.”

“Didn’t it occur to you that you were the only one standing on a hill?”


“And also the only one with a walkie talkie on a hill that happened to be a little roly poly?”

“I guess my powers of deduction were a little off. Anyway I finally figured it out so I pressed the button on the walkie talkie and said, Leanne, if I am supposed to be Big Mama on the hill, I am going to have to come down and discuss this Big Mama business with you, I demand a new code name!”

About Shauna Reid

Ahoy there! I’m Shauna, an author, copywriter and content mentor. I love telling stories about life and helping others to tell theirs.

Find out more about me and how we can work together – I’m now booking for January 2022.

17 thoughts on “Big Mama on the Hill

  1. first comment! yay!

    and my mum thought it was funny too!! sounds just like the sort of thing she would do. why do they always think that they aren’t the one being spoken to when they are the only one there?!

    wanna swap mums?

    and if you want to know how much life sucks in sydney shauny, just go to my blog!!

  2. Mums are strange, thats a fact. Trying to teach a mum how to use technology is always challenging.
    And theres nothin’ wrong with sydney… well, the bit near the harbour and some of the bits near the sea.. and the inner bit too.
    You can burn the western suburbs for all I care though.

  3. everywhere between penrith and strathfield is pretty crap. albury has more cultural life and is probably more tolerant too.

  4. fortunately i’ve managed to keep mum from surfing the web, if she ever starts i’ll have to sneak some censorware onto her computer to stop her from reading my site.

  5. Heehee

    There’s something about walkie-talkies; anyone who uses them is instantly transformed into an irritating Commando Dude.

    “Foxtrot Oscar! Foxtrot Oscar!”

  6. Mark, I had the exact same thought. Is it just so intrinsic to start speaking in code when a walkie talkie is put in your hand?

    It’s all “oh-five-niner” and “thanks. over.” What is that? For the most part we’re not CB radio users. We’re not in the military on a special op. But why do we talk like this when a walkie talkie is anywhere nearby?

  7. Shauny, I thought I’d posted a comment, but it doesn’t seem to have come up. I didn’t check at the time, so I don’t know if it appeared and then disappeared, but I’ve noticed it’s not there now.

    Fortunately, it was a completely unimportant comment.

    Over and out.

  8. All the Walkie Talkie people that I used to have to work with strutted around like cowboys with gun belts on…

    If your ever on a movie set and you see someone talking into a Walkie Talkie they are a menial pisant. Thats a fact.

  9. Roger that cooter. I reckon Mz Shauny should head on over here: and submit a mothership story for first prize. Aint no doubt in my mind she’d be a winner!

    Over and out, ten-four-what-ho.

    Copy that, Horse.

  10. i already have a handle. or three. love handles, anyway. heh.

    oh, the humanity :p
    my family all had walkie talkies as kids and we still use the retarded code names we had then. well, they still use mine anyway. it was given to me at a time when i was suffering under an unfortunate deluge of puppy fat. those bastards!!

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