Long Car Trip with The Mothership

"I am having trouble finding things on the Internet lately."

"Have you tried Google?"

"Google? Is that www G-O-G-G-L-E dot com?"

"No, that's goggle."

"Oh. So if I type google in to Yahoo, will I find Google?"


Brief, merciful silence.

"Did I tell you I took a bath in methylated spirits the other day?"

"No you did not."

"Well I can tell you now! There's been a stink in my classroom, for a week now, we couldn't figure out where it was coming from, but it smelled like metho. On Thursday, no, Wednesday, the kids were in Scripture class, but I had to hang around and make sure they didn't misbehave. So I decided to investigate!

"I sniffed here and there and managed to track it down to this one particular cupboard. I ferretted around but couldn't see any metho. But then I noticed a big wet stain on the top shelf. It looked like something had leaked from above. Anyway, so I gets on a chair and hops up and there's was two huge bottles of metho sitting on top of the cupboard! I'd say they were left over from the days of duplicating machines, before photocopiers. And one of them had a huge hole in the side of it that had been gnawed away by mice! I'd say the mice started chewing the bottle some time ago and got all crazy on the fumes and said oh boy oh boy, let's have a party and bought round their other filthy mouse friends and chewed and chewed and eventually it started to leak!

"Anyway, I reached for the bottle but I slipped on the chair, next thing the grotty bottle of metho goes flying in the air and I go flying and I end up with a mouthful of metho! I was snorting and sputtering but I couldn't swear because the students were there and it was scripture class! So I had to go home and get changed otherwise I'd have stank all day. So yes. Wasn't that exciting?" Pause for breath. "So why didn't you tell me things were going so bad with your job?"

"I dunno."

"So have you adopted your sister's policy of Not Telling The Mother Anything?"

"I already had that policy, I just didn't tell you about it."

About Shauna Reid

Ahoy there! I’m Shauna, an author, copywriter and content mentor. I love telling stories about life and helping others to tell theirs.

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25 thoughts on “Long Car Trip with The Mothership

  1. All bow before the blog queen! A more perfect example of Catch-22 even Joseph Heller could not have contrived. Hail Shauny!

  2. Beautiful! Torture! Your mother- I don’t think you could make something like her up…unless you are, of course. Heh.
    Hey Anon. chickenshit: did you know that deleting posts is every blogger’s right, and if you don’t like it you should email her personally, instead of cluttering up her comments like I am? Did you know that every time she deletes a post someone jumps down her neck about it? Makes a person not want to blog at all, if you know what I mean.
    The beauty of blogging is that it’s so ephemeral- your server could blow up tomorrow, eating everything you’ve done for the past two years. Or the blogger could lose their marbles and yank everything except for pictures of their cat.
    I say, enjoy it while it’s up, be glad you saw it, and then move on.

  3. I saw your post on the food at Google. I am going to bookmark that site and steal all their recipes. That potato and feta cheese salad sounds good!

  4. actually, i thought the Google motto ‘don’t be evil’ was far more interesting than the food. it shows what they think of their competitors.

  5. Ahh you can not talk to her, as long as you listen and retain what she says to you.

    That way we all win!

  6. I envy the fact you get so much material from your relationship with your mother. I live on the other side of the country to mine (she still lives in The Hole, I got wise and moved to Melbourne). We chat about once every three weeks and the conversation is over after about five minutes.

    I ask her about the garden, the dog (it’s a fat, spoiled Schnauzer called Mitzi. Why is it called Mitzi, you ask? “Because I had to call it something German” was my mother’s reasoning …. I dunno … beats me.), work and the rellies. I usually get very short sentences in reply.

    I’ve come to the conclusion that she’s not shitty with me (well, not on any kind of superficial, phone conversation kinda way), it’s just that she’s Scottish, and where she grew up you learned economy before everything else. Be economic with your food, your words and your money. And your expressions of love, too, for that matter. Stiff upper lip, and all that.


  7. Oh dear, sounds like your mother’s becoming an Old Person.

    I bet her thinking is that ‘Goggle’ must be so named because you might wear goggles when looking for something. ‘Google’, I can imagine her thinking, is just the way young people today mispronounce ‘goggle’. Like ‘swimming googles’.

  8. miss jenjen, are you referring to Perth as a hole?

    the more i hear about your mum and other aussie bloggers’ mums, the more i believe that all aussie mums are cut from the same mould. like you’ll have a perfectly normal, reasonable and sane girl, who as soon as she gives birth, a little switch in her head flicks to ‘aussie-mum-mode’ and she is compelled to collect bizarre objets d art and old food. there is no hope for us.

    i am never having kids.

  9. Oh and Ben, that’s like an in-joke between Marybeth and certain Australians. It’s not as it seems. 🙂

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