"I am having trouble finding things on the Internet lately."
"Have you tried Google?"
"Google? Is that www G-O-G-G-L-E dot com?"
"No, that's goggle."
"Oh. So if I type google in to Yahoo, will I find Google?"
Brief, merciful silence.
"Did I tell you I took a bath in methylated spirits the other day?"
"No you did not."
"Well I can tell you now! There's been a stink in my classroom, for a week now, we couldn't figure out where it was coming from, but it smelled like metho. On Thursday, no, Wednesday, the kids were in Scripture class, but I had to hang around and make sure they didn't misbehave. So I decided to investigate!
"I sniffed here and there and managed to track it down to this one particular cupboard. I ferretted around but couldn't see any metho. But then I noticed a big wet stain on the top shelf. It looked like something had leaked from above. Anyway, so I gets on a chair and hops up and there's was two huge bottles of metho sitting on top of the cupboard! I'd say they were left over from the days of duplicating machines, before photocopiers. And one of them had a huge hole in the side of it that had been gnawed away by mice! I'd say the mice started chewing the bottle some time ago and got all crazy on the fumes and said oh boy oh boy, let's have a party and bought round their other filthy mouse friends and chewed and chewed and eventually it started to leak!
"Anyway, I reached for the bottle but I slipped on the chair, next thing the grotty bottle of metho goes flying in the air and I go flying and I end up with a mouthful of metho! I was snorting and sputtering but I couldn't swear because the students were there and it was scripture class! So I had to go home and get changed otherwise I'd have stank all day. So yes. Wasn't that exciting?" Pause for breath. "So why didn't you tell me things were going so bad with your job?"
"So have you adopted your sister's policy of Not Telling The Mother Anything?"
"I already had that policy, I just didn't tell you about it."