Chicken Bones

There's talk of a wedding in the office. "My mother is being such a control freak. We had a roast chicken for lunch the other day and I went to throw the carcass out and she starts shrieking, No no! Put the chicken down! I say, but it's an empty chicken, mother! But she's all, No no! I have to save the wishbone! She huffs and puffs and takes the chicken off me and ferrets round for the wishbone. She wipes the little bits of chook off it then goes to the pantry and pulls out this plastic bag. And there's a dozen wishbones in there! Crikey Mum, I say, what are you up to? I am collecting wishbones for the wedding. I'll spraypaint them silver and put them on the tables. And I'm like, Muuum! That's bloody revolting! But she thinks it's a fantastic idea! Everyone at the reception can sit around pulling skanky silver wishbones. So I say, Mum, I have one hundred and twenty guests, how are you going to collect so many wishbones by then? But she has a strategy. She's told all the neighbours to save them, and she even went down to Charcoal Chicken Land and asked them did they have any lying around. And I'm like, jeeeeez Mum. I am going to have to put a note on every table, Disclaimer: This Was My Mother's Stupid Idea. But she protests, Well it's better than those stupid sugared almonds!"

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27 thoughts on “Chicken Bones

  1. I just threw out one yesterday. Please don’t tell your mum! I fear her wrath, even from a distance.

    (I mean, first comment! Woooohooo!)

  2. nooo! not my mother! the chick in the office. i’d tell you guys if i was getting married. in fact maybe you could be a bridesmaid, Row. In red PVC.

  3. Oh. I wasn’t thinking! It’s early, and that first comment euphoria was getting to me :p

    But it does sound like something your mum would say/do.

    And can’t I be in hot pink? I would for sure be your bridesmaid. Maybe even your matron of honour, if we ever get around to it.

  4. ick, snapping an animals bones for good luck is a bizarre ritual. spraypainting an assortment of animal bones (ham hocks, leg o’ lamb legs, human fibias) silver would make for a much more interesting game. they could play ‘guess the bone’.

    maybe your office mate could suggest that to her mama. the whole niftiness of silver wishbones might lose it’s sheen.

  5. ohh… I get it. I don’t get to be a bridesmaid because I said ‘yuk’ to the dead sheep the other night. Well. I’m SOOO not talking to you anymore.

  6. It’s okay Row, I missed that it was someone else too (and I didn’t even have to deal with the euphoria of pretending to be sad enough to care about “first comment” *g*)


  7. OK, mum, but I’m putting a chicken skull on every plate — a symbol, of, uh, the cackling with joy we’ll have and the liplessness of us not giving each other lip. (And his pecker.) — so don’t forget to ask for chicken heads when you’re collecting those wishbones. And do it soon. I need time to boil them all down and get the brains out.

  8. hehe! I liked the bit about it being an “empty chicken”.

    But it’s weird to read this entry. I’ve just got up, having just had a minidream in which you had just got married. It was just a marriage for practicality, according to your narration of the dream, though you still took the surname of whoever it was you married. (I think I just used the word ‘just’ just too many times.)

    So, um, I think I must’ve misread this entry (like Row did), but before reading it 😛

    And yeah, the mother does sound like yours. Are all Aussie mothers like that?

  9. OMG … i am so glad that I am getting married by a Justice of the Peace and NOT having a big wedding .. I can just imagine my mom trying to do something like that.

    That is hilarious!!

  10. Is this an Aussie mother thing? Oh, someone already asked that. Still – I’d like to know, are all aussie mothers barking? Like all Welsh mothers are overprotective?

  11. HeeHee Hee!! “Put that down, that’s an empty chicken” reminds me of John Cleese, “This parrot has ceased to be. It is a dead parrot.”

  12. i’m getting married. on october 12th. to feistynoodle. in a park. there will be no chicken bones, wish or otherwise, in attendance. shauny, you are invited.

  13. Just happened across this whilst researching for a paper and thought of your blog.

    Hard to believe that people really do try to be Martha.

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