Vegetable Warfare

Discovery while putting away the grocery shopping tonight: being whacked across the back of the thighs with a leek really bloody hurts. My reflexes are notoriously slow. By the time I wheeled around and yelled Hey!, my sister had already scampered to the other side of the room, cackling as she waved her garden fresh weapon around, "Oooh, I didn't know leeks were so hard! I thought it would have made more of a limp lettucey tap…"

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30 thoughts on “Vegetable Warfare

  1. What is a leek? Obviously, it’s a vegetable, but other then that, I haven’t the foggiest what it is. What is it used in? Just curious.

  2. it seems to be used mainly in soups or quiche type things, and it’s got something to do with wales. (the country, not the aquatic mammal.)

  3. Isn’t a leek like a really big scallion (green) onion? I think you can use it just like you would an onion, maybe, I think they are usually in soup. hehe.

  4. I’ve got a sister D and let me tell ya…there not all there cracked up to be. (excluding present story company of course) Mine is a total kook…or is that cook…I can’t remember

    Potato and Leek soup is always nice on a blustery day.

  5. The great conundrum here is that Vonnegut’s notion of “taking a leak” does not involve mirrors in this case. And how does one get whacked across the back of the thighs hurt? Couldn’t attire cushion this in some manner? Are you trying to infer, Miss S, that you put away your groceries in the buff? Personally, I always put on shin guards when putting away groceries. But that’s just me.

  6. This woulda been better as a dream sequence… nubile young women beating each other with vaguely phallic vegetables… screaming, running… Where *is* Dr. Freud when we need him??

  7. so it wasn’t ‘the leek of love’ then?

    ok. graham’s was MUCH better. hehe.

    i’ve never experienced vegetable warfare, tho might start. potato cannons, carrot jousting sticks, brussel sprout grenades – the possibilities are endless!

  8. mwhahaha! good one, graham and momo 🙂

    ed – the leek is HARD, man! My sister is quite the athlete, she took a big backswing then WHACK!

  9. The leek is quite a dense vegetable. Very fibrous. Very heavy in the hand. I’m sure your sister knew that and did it anyway.

    I enjoy some leek from time to time.


  10. I feel your pain and am horrified at the lack of sympathy you are getting. It’s time we got serious about vegetable abuse. Is there a number you can ring?

  11. Leeks are like green onions after the atomic bomb, huge with hard bulbs at the end. I could see them hurting, you got one mean scary sister. But if she’s “nubile” I might retract that statement. Did ice help?

  12. I’m not witty at all. So I say hmmm… 🙂 Shauny are you writing a book or anything? You should. you have such a wonderful way with words.

  13. and the entries stay entertaining.

    but the way, the dream possibly is a ‘backspill’ from you documenting all of these ‘life events’ into your journal. your subconscious mind just took it up another step and turned it all into a terse thriller, complete with your mum leaving you wondering what the actual point of it was at the end.

    just an idea.

  14. I am now cosidering carrying a leek or two around in my handbag as a security measure.If the whacking didn’t work on a would-be attacker, surely the aroma would be fairly overpowering.
    I once did a painting of some leeks..mmm,very nice.
    And who is Charlotte Church?

  15. I have taken part in Potato Warfare whilst i was rinsed. I found a box full of potatos and proceeded to throw them at randoms in the street. My missiles were quickly picked up by several members of the enemy and they returned fire.

    There were no further casulties on our side as we were all casualties already.

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