What happens when your mother is a drama queen AND a hardcore fan of vapid confections like 7th Heaven, Touched By An Angel and Oprah? She breaks sad news in a way that would make Michael Landon proud.
MOTHERSHIP: Shauna! This is The Mother.
M: Poppy’s left just left us.
S: Ohh Mum.
M: I’m at the hospital, sitting here at his bedside.
M: Do you want to say something to him? He’s right here.
S: Umm… what?
M: Hey, I will hold the phone out right now and you can talk to him.
S: Mother, did you not just tell me he’s no longer with us?
M: Yes! But I am sure he can hear you!
M: Speak up, girl. I can’t hear you!
S: Well neither can he!
M: What? Say something!
S: Christ! Okay… Helloooo?
Five minutes later
MOTHERSHIP: Rhiannon! This is The Mother.
RHIANNON: What’s happening?
M: It’s not good.
M: Poppy is… [long pause, voice low and pious] … resting with the angels now.
R: I see. So are you okay? Is anyone there with you?
M: No… [long pause] It’s just you, me, and Poppy.