Hey Dollface

Where does confidence come from? How come some people can just believe in themselves and in what they do and just go for it? How do you get to the point where you can create something without wanting to tear it to pieces five seconds later? How do you stop feeling so overwhelmed by doubt and crapness to actually finish anything? Does anyone else want to shag Ken from Survivor?

About Shauna Reid

Ahoy there! I’m Shauna, an author, copywriter and content mentor. I love telling stories about life and helping others to tell theirs.

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21 thoughts on “Hey Dollface

  1. Believing in yourself is easy but the fine line between confidence and cockiness is an easy one to overstep. As for Ken, sorry I can’t comment. Anne-Marie and her ARSE DANCE scared me away from reality TV forever.

  2. Heh. Sylvania Waters scared me from reality TV forever.

    Yeah, I know it’s hard. Sometimes you’ve just got to turn a few lights off and plough on…

  3. Confidence comes and goes.

    Don’t destroy your art. At least not immediately. Put it away for a while if you can’t stand to look at it, but don’t just trash your creative strivings. It doesn’t have to be purty to have a lot of value. And sometimes you just think it’s fugly ’cause it’s part of you and it’s just had a hard time coming out…

    I don’t know, maybe I’m just talking out of my arse.

    I’ve got a tone of sculptures sitting on my shelf getting dusty and sometimes I just wanna smash ’em all. Especially when I’m feeling unappreciated and I haven’t sold any in a long long time.

    There’s my one hundred and eighty-two cents.

  4. Use what talent you possess: the woods would be very silent if no birds sang except those that sang best.
    Henry Van Dyke

    i dunno where confidence comes from, but i’m sure it has a lot to do with your attitude towards your own work — how seriously do you take it, why do you do it, what validates you etc.

    That aside, though, i think people who are finicky with their work improve and grow more than those who are in love with everything they do. The creative process is a roller-coaster ride, i guess.

  5. Confidence is in the dictionary =P

    Sometimes people go for it cause they have no choice (like having a baby once you’re pregnant) and other times they go for it cause they have overwhelming desire for a certain outcome which their head knows is possible.

    It’s hard but practice does make close to perfect, unless you have talent which lucky for you, you have more than others. But still, I guess one needs to just write and write and every hundredth word, you get one that’s just right and you don’t have to modify it or change it in any way. The other 99 words, weeell…a little modification can really change the aspect of the whole piece. Same thing for other “created” items, like Rice Krispy Treats.

    Generally I have friends force me to keep going until I finish a product. Then to try to save myself from furthur embarrassment, I jazz it up and try to say someone else made it…

    I can truthfully say “not really” =P

  6. Some theories as to the origin of confidence.

    1. It comes from being tall and strong and beautiful and witty and wise and everyone treating you that way your whole damned life. I hear.

    2. It is genetic, which may be the same as point 1.

    3. It comes from ‘confide’ Latin: con (together) + fidere (trust). I just scraped by in Latin. But trusting yourself and your audience, and trusting that your audience trusts you.

    4. It comes in pills and bottles and glasses. Ah.

    5. It comes from recklessly making yourself fuck up in public so many times that:

    5.A. You can no longer be embarrassed by it.

    5.B. You get tons of practice and so fuck up less often, and there’s always point 5.A when you do.

  7. hmmm .. i think conidence is a little act that sticks.. you pretend to be confident until another failure brings you down then you gotta start all over again a little bit wiser.

    Its about power too.. e.g. when the new office junior comes in and you can be all ‘confident’ to her.. hehe

    Its also about knowing your capabilities and you baby have heeps..

    is ken the same ken barbie likes? ? B?P

  8. is confidence being able to to keep a straight face comment “but none of them look like bums… except maybe that choccy donut..”?? at the assistant when you saw a sign in the bakery that said ..


    and yes it happened yesterday B?P

  9. No one has that kind of confidence to start with. I think it’s something you acquire with practice. Someone who has complete hardheaded confidence in themselves, and is convinced they’re going to succeed no matter what, is a narcissist. In my opinion.

    That doesn’t mean people don’t have a drive to succeed, or to keep trying very hard to do something they want to do. But you can be working and writing like crazy and still be scared shitless that one’s stuff isn’t any good. I think this is normal. Creativity is a hard thing. After a while you may come to trust your own feedback, and to trust the process, and this may be called ‘confidence’ – but I don’t think it’s the same thing that you posted about. A better word for it might be ‘experience.’

  10. Confidence comes from the ability to declare victory and move on. How else do you think us cocky American bastards are able to look back at Vietnam?

    Tell yourself it’s great.
    That you’re done.
    Ask what’s next.

    (Unless of course you’re tying to please everybody. In that case wait for them to tell you you’re great and then doubt them because either 1. They’re idiots 2. They’re trying to kiss up to you or 3. They’re related to you. This way you will never be finished and it will be their fault because they either lied to you or they don’t know any better.)

    Confidence also comes from lack of self-awareness. This is why drinking is such an effective tool.

  11. Mm, all good comments. I personally think confidence comes from being valued by your family and friends, and stuffing up, and realising that they still love and support you. When you have that kind of support-network it’s easy to be confident in what you do because you know that regardless of how many times you fail, someone out there still thinks you are the ants pants.

    From a technical point of view, it obviously helps if you’re good at what you do (which you are, no doubt about that!) and if you practice lots. Confidence in your work, as opposed from confidence in yourself, comes from the positive reactions you get from people, and you’ll get more of those the more you practice.

  12. I myself personally am not the most confident person ever. I have no backbone, am unable to tell people no. I want everyone to be happy. See, confidence comes from not wanting everyone around you to be happy. Er, well, not as harsh as that sounds. I mean it comes from actually wanting yourself to be happy and going about getting your happiness. I’ve not gotten there just yet.

  13. In order:

    – a small village in Surrey. it’s a by-product of goat-farming, apparently.
    – they don’t. they have domineering mothers.
    – write on laminated cardboard. un-tearable.
    – sing songs as you work. everything’s better when you sing a song. may i suggest the theme from “the wombles”?
    – no, it’s just you.

    “… underground, overground, wombling free … the wombles of wimbledon common are we …”

  14. I think you get confidence when something works. It might take three years to get there, but you *can* get to a place where it works, and success begets success. Just keep prodding along.

    And what they’re saying is true, make yourself happy first.

    I can’t comment on the Survivor part, having not seen him in action.

  15. hmmnnn… sometimes it seems to come in the thought of being 5 kilos lighter, then other times it comes in the thought being about 10 centimetres taller, but holding onto those 5 kilos cos it all stretches out. currently it comes in the thought of having whiter teeth. after all 5 kilos lighter 10 cms taller white teethed gals can do anything…

  16. also, as i don’t watch survivor, i’m not familiar wtith ken. but if he’s anything like barbie’s ken with the moulded ‘codpiece’ i’m guessing he’d be a dud shag.

  17. Agreed with Eeksy-Peeksy more-or-less with her thing #5… taking risks and challenges even they scare you, and swallowing it when you don’t exactly win through, and trying again next time. After awhile you find that you’re succeeding a little more often, then a little more often yet… it comes from there. The way I see it, dollface.

  18. Considering my view of the world is grounded on two unquestionable facts (1. I’m a completely worthless being who can’t do anything right and deserves only the worst. 2. I’m the greatest thing that’s every happened to the world) confidence is something that is easy to get but hard to keep for any longer time periods. ROLLERCOASTER!

  19. Confidence is not an attribute, like intelligence or wit. Confidence is a mask that gets used so other people – including the mask wearer – believe that they *can* just go for it and believe in themselves.

    It doesn’t work that way. I’m about to turn 31, and I still have no idea. I just fake it to make it, as AA is wont to say, and somehow I get through, and other people seem to think I’m all determined, or some such.

    I think the difference is that while I’m no more confident than I was at 21, I care a lot less about what other people think, and that can really help things along.

    As for Ken … well. RUH-ROH!!

  20. I don’t know where confidence comes from. Actually, I know some comes from alcohol – Dutch Courage, dotcherknow – but that’s not only ephemeral, it’s the wrong sort of courage, the sort more likely to make you think ‘What did I do???’ than “Look what I did!’

    But you write well. Maybe, if enough people remind you that you can, you can take some confidence from that.

    And, yes, Ken from Survivor is completely shaggable – my favourite of this year’s bunch. I mean, he’s not Colby, but he’s definitely better than anyone from first season, and I think beats Silas (definitely) and Ethan (by a shorter margin) from Survivor: Africa.

    And, well. He’s a cop. So. Um. The less said the better, eh? But believe me when I say the fight over him would be fierce. If you didn’t just know he’d go straight for the female of the species.

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