In Your Face, Space Coyote

It has been suggested my infrequent posts are because I am sitting here waiting until I get 50+ comments on an entry before I write a new one. Good on ya, smart arse. But I haven't felt like updating because what's been on my mind isn't the stuff I like to write about here… I like posts in neat little packages with a distinct structure. And a punchline. I don’t like to talk about personal stuff unless I’ve edited for an hour, until I’ve stripped out so much that it sounds like just another dinky mildly amusing story. But things aren’t happening in neat little packages lately. It’s all a blur of activity. We’re now officially homeless. I felt sulky and betrayed as I watched our furniture walk out the door with its new owners. How one forms an emotional attachment to a microwave beats me. Finally on Friday afternoon, Rhi and I dropped off the keys then headed off for the Sydney leg of our Farewell Tour. (Farewell Tour! I feel like KISS or John Farnham: I know I’ll be back on the road again in a couple of years, a little older and uglier… but it sure felt like the last hurrah.) So I got to meet the Jeb, spend quality time with the Luke, and rock my socks off at the Dirty Three. It was a top weekend, but wasn’t long enough, nor did I get to meet everyone I wanted to meet. All this saying goodbye crap has left me rather emotional and pathetic. This morning my boss looked at the calendar and said, “You’re leaving in two weeks!” and my response was to croak, “I don’t wanna go!” and burst into tears. This is the second incident of workplace bawling and I’ve only been here six months. At least last time my grandfather had just died so I had a decent excuse. But today the poor boss just stood there, looking very alarmed as I hiccupped and honked away. So yes. That’s what I’ve been doing. Crying my eyes out. Being a wimp. (And trying on a different perfume each day at David Jones so I’m all ready to go beserk at duty free. Sure we’ll be poor little backpacking types, but I want to stink good! Current frontrunner: Dolce & Gabbana Feminine.) Zzzz. Another reason I didn’t want to post about this wimpy stuff is because I know what everyone will say. That this is no big deal. That millions of people nick off to another country every day. That my much-loved friends and family will be here when I get back. That I will make new friends. That I should stop being afraid. That I should shut up and be thankful because I’m so lucky to be doing this. That “Shauna Being A Pussy” seems to be a common theme here lately. Blah blah blah. You know I’ll delete this. Let’s hope something happens soon that can be written about in a neat little package.

Share on FacebookTweet about this on TwitterPin on PinterestEmail this to someoneBuffer this page

About Shauna Reid

Ahoy there! I’m an author, copywriter and old school blogger. I love telling stories about life and helping my clients to tell theirs. Find out more about me and how we can work together.

46 thoughts on “In Your Face, Space Coyote

  1. I think I’d feel the same if I were leaving the country, Shauny.

    You’re not a wimp. You’re terrified to leave, but you’re doing it anyway. That shows how strong you really are.

  2. OOh I’ll ring you tonight anyway, but there’s a shindig at my house on the 15th. Although you possiblywon’t be around. Poo.

  3. Quick everyone, post losts of comments realy quick so we can get this baby up to 50 comments. Then she’ll have to post again.

  4. Oh Shauny, this is a great entry! I mean, I’m glad to know you’re alive and well, even if you are homeless. Two weeks … as much time as I was in Australia, that’s how much you have left there. *hug* Good on ya!

  5. Last year I took six weeks off to go traveling. And right up until I did it, I was having anxiety attacks and second guessing my decision and telling myself that this was the WORST idea I’d ever had.

    I had a great time. I know what you’re going through, but trust me, you’ll be glad you did it.

  6. i could never do what you are doing! Totally admire you! You’ll love it so much you’ll turn into “Jetsetter Shauny” and I’ll probably never leave the country! 🙂

  7. Well, I’ll miss you anyway. And I wouldn’t tell you any of that advice because I know exactly how mind-shearingly odd the whole thing is gonna be. You’re not being a pussy – you’re being understandably freaked out by something that is (after death and divorce, I believe) one of the biggest causes of stress in life. Freaking out is an acceptable option here, because you’ve already got your shit together and it’s all on-track. Go woopy for a while: it’ll stop you killing the stewards on the airliner, though at the end of the nine-hundred hour flight, you may well want to anyway.

    But this is all by the by. As for the visit? De nada, kiddo. Would do it anytime; like many things, kitchen-fu is only good if you can use it to make people happy. And I hope you’ll have happy thoughts to take with you, ‘cos you deserve ’em, chook.

    And I told you Dirty Three were good…

  8. ah. you’re kind people. i just would like to feel non-wimpy non-angstypants about this for a little while. my sister, seasoned traveller, is excited as all get out, but i am all.. eeeeeeeeeeeeek

  9. I’m kinda attached to my microwave. I bought it with my first CityScape pay!

    So, if you’ve left already (!!) then what do I do with these here CDs?

  10. we’ve only left our apartment, rowy! the lease ended march 7 so we decided to move out rather than pay another full month of rent. saving: $1260.12! staying with mothership and generous friends til we leave on march 25 🙂

  11. I nicked off to another country in the late 80’s, and I’m still here. Then, of course, I nicked off from here to your neck of the woods that time, and that only lasted a month. So anything could happen, really. Whatever it is, I’m sure it will be good fun. But I completely understand the emotional bits. Just think of them as good, Russian-style cathartic cleansing thingies.

  12. Amy – the 15th! you said 16th!

    Miss Shauners, we all love your neuroses – why not splash em around for the world to see? Leave it up, or I’ll pull your hair.

  13. Shany, if you weren’t afraid, there’d be something terribly wrong with your head! It’s a scary, scary thing you’re doing, and there is a chance that it will suck completely. My overseas trip last year did. But you’ll have done it anyway, and lived and learned and all that jazz, and it’s only a single day’s travelling to come home.

    Having said that, it’ll probably rock, and you’ll look back and shake your head at your nerves, and wonder how you could ever have been so young and afraid.

  14. Don’t forget, if you’ll be kicking about my town on the evening of the 26th, give me a call if you want to meet up (e-mail me for my number).

  15. The taxi driver who picked me up at Edinburgh airport talked like groundskeeper willie. That made me so happy. Hooray for the amalgamation of global culture!

    What i’m trying to say is, it’s different over there, but not TOO different.

  16. Oooh Shauny, I don’t think you’re wimpy, I think you’re incredibly brave! I wish I was brave to so I could go do exciting stuff like moving overseas. Maybe one day I’ll get there. Don’t delete the post, it gave such a good picture of what it’s like to be packing up and moving.

  17. Well, I’ve never understand people’s need to travel — especially to goddamn England — so it’s all a mystery to me! Good luck!

  18. I just got back from what you’re about to do, and I’d do it again, over and over and over if I had half the chance. Enjoy every second – but enjoy the panic before you leave as well, because that’s half the fun! And you’ll feel awfully proud afterwards that you made such an easy job of the whole thing! If you want any last minute advice give me a yell.

  19. Not to sound morbid or anything but I think what makes one yearn for a microwave is the realization that this here right now is over. That this book or chapter is at an end and the next one is so radically different that you don’t know how it’s gonna play out.

    What if I hate haggis?
    What if I can’t “come home again”?
    Will I ever like the taste of Scotch?
    Can I get Vegemite?
    What if I can’t understand a single thing being said?
    What if being a red-headed Australian is cause for ridicule at the super market?

    Back in the early days of WWII, we here in the States actually had a pretty good president and at a time when he was telling us we were going off to a far away land to fight the Germans told us “We have nothing to fear, but fear itself”

    Not exactly words of comfort, but words to live by non-the-less.

  20. Are you kidding me?!?! I just had a weekend long conversation with my fiancee about how we needed to be making PLANS, about how we needed to nick off to another country before we were too old and feeble to be doing such things. Shauny, what you’re doing is inspirational!

  21. Let me sum things up and perhaps give a slightly different perspective.

    -It’s perfectly normal to be afraid of change.
    -Doing what you are doing is very brave.
    -The only way the experience will suck is if you have the wrong attitude, and from reading your blog for a while now, I can say I believe you won’t have the wrong attitude.
    -Therefore I believe you will have one of the best times of your life, especially since you will have your sister to share it with.

    I can’t wait to hear the stories….

    Best wishes on your fantastic adventure.

  22. i was terrified when i went to london for school. i panicked about leaving. i panicked about getting there. i spent the first three weeks there bawling and begging my boyfriend to let me come home. after that i was a little better – but it was only with the intervention of st john’s wort and tylenol pm and the tea party. so yes, blah blah blah it’s totally normal. just don’t let your panicking get in the way of having a good time. i really regret doing just that – letting my uncertainty nearly spoil one of the greatest experiences of my lifetime.

  23. Hey, what you’re about to do is huge so of course it’s a bit scary, and who wouldn’t be a bit reluctant to leave friends and family who are your support network. But in saying that it will be a great learning experience for you, you’ll no doubt have heaps of fun, and you’ll come home a stronger person. Being worried and not wanting to go is a good thing I think.. it means you have something worth coming home to.

  24. I’m sad about leaving Seattle for Vancouver, BC so I know (somewhat) how you feel. And it’s only 2 1/2 hours away!
    I’m even whimpier!

  25. Well, considering I’ve managed to blog from three different continents, Anon, yeah, I’d say it can be done 🙂

  26. Crying, in and of itself, is an avalanche of a cathartic reaction. It can involve heaving motions from the chest, inflammed and reddish eyelids that make you resemble a pothead waiting for the next score, farragos of declarative sentenes (such as the aforementioned “I don’t wanna go!”), and a litany of emotions that can be downright difficult (at least initially) to deal with.

    But it becomes very clear just after those first salty droplets droop down your cheeks that what you are doing is actually good, that there is a huge millstone being lifted by tremendous corporeal bulldozers from the solar plexus, that this is a way of coping, that you are doing the brave thing in breaking that foolish NDA you signed with your four ventricles.

    In considering crying, it is necessary to understand that tears are a form of protection. Tears are always being generated from tear glands to form that ever important protective film over the eyes. There are reflex tears, the kind that come when you chop onions or when a University of Texas frat boy has decided to pull a particularly cruel prank involving visine, and then there are emotional tears, the type that is at issue here.

    Emotional tears, brought upon by heightened feelings, have 20-25 percent more protein than regular tears. And they contain additional hormones too. (Yum, yum, says the culinary experimentalist.) However, crying also allows the body to release toxins from the body.

    As I said, it’s a protective device.

    And all that is really going on here, Shauny, is that a person is coming to terms with a major decision and doing it the admirable way. Simply by protecting herself.

  27. okay, I’m sorry for calling you a pussy! :

    I only did it to shake things up a bit, and so you could put on your big brave dog face. (aka chucky in rugrats)

    ..and there’s the name of your blog which also makes it kind of ethical.

    so – no more pussy!

  28. I left my country to live in Europe (Switzerland) – spent four years there. I’d moved around a lot before and had always adapted to any new environment. But I hit a stump in Europe. I missed my “home” like crap and felt like I would go crazy if I didn’t come back. I didn’t miss specific people or scenery … I missed the “ambiance”, the smell, the winters, the “feel” of life here. There’s no place home. But the only way to really appreciate that feeling is to leave. So weep on baby… and then go.

  29. i cried before i left too. it’s a huge thing, even though lots of people do it. it’s a whole new life, something that will change you forever in all kinds of ways, and it’s exciting and wonderful and scary. and sometimes, no big deal.

    good luck!

  30. oh & may lots of good fortune gravitate towards you too! it is a big and wonderful and wavering process. hard to leave what you love to find more things that you love, without knowing whether you will actually find them, but of course you will.

  31. Louise is right. It’s not until you fly back in that you’ll realise what home means to you. Stupidly obvious, but true.

  32. awwwww, Shauny, I think us commenters wish to reassure you, not suggest that you’re being a wimpy-puss (and you’re not a wimpy-puss!) 🙂

  33. If you ever don’t post again, I’ll take it as a sign that you’ve forgotten to breathe, and need a call to remind you…

  34. Darn…I was hoping you wouldn’t address it in an actual post, because I was just about to make a line chart showing the average number of comments in a post before you posted again…but now I guess I’ll actually have to lay off. Hehehehe.

    Hey that’s heartbreaking by the way, about the microwave and all. I hope you have fun, though!

  35. Shauna–I can see why you are reluctant to go…but it will be so much fun. Now I can’t remember if Rhi is going with you. Isn’t someone else going with you? That will make it all so much easier. Still I freak out when I have to go away for a long time–usually it is my husband dragging me to formerly war torn countries with very high murder rates. But that’s not the reason I freak. I freak about my inability to get the right conditioner and moisturizer…

    I should say I found the BEST conditioner last time we went to Guatemala for 3 mos.

    So things work out.

    I’m only joshing you. Puh-leez don’t say you won’t be continuing the Pussycat though! Eeek!

Comments are closed.