Help The Aged

Team Australia are working as administrators for a company concerned with aged health care. This means data entry and filing.

Remember that period of insanity I went through last year as Secretary Girl? Well I’m there again, baby! But I’m not whinging this time. Why? Because I really don’t care. I know I’m not here forever, and Rhi’s working with me.

So we’re going batty together. We spend our days in a teeny tiny office, typing in medical details for elderly folks and climbing over staff to reach the shelves to file things.

The longer we’re there, the more loopy and juvenile we seem to be become.

SHAUNY:  What would you like us to do now?

SCOTTISH DUDE:  Umm. I’m afraid it’s more filing. Do you mind filing?

SHAUNY:  Noooo! I was born to file!

It gets rather depressing occasionally, seeing all this information about people in their twilight years. Some of them are really in a bad way. It’s quite an eye opener. I spend a lot of time sitting there wondering if they’re happy or if they’re lonely, if they’re alone in their house watching Coronation Street or if they’re got enough legs to pop out to the bingo. I type in their contact details and wonder who will be my contacts when I’m old and grey and need someone to come over and pick up my wrinkly bod when I’ve fallen over in the garden. Perhaps I should be nicer to people now.

It also scares me, all these things that can go wrong with your mind and body. We’ve seen stomach ulcers and paralysis and hernias and cancers and dementia, all manner of things. Sometimes I feel like nicking out of the office and to go do things like climb some hills or write a book or shag some kilt guys while I’m still relatively spritely.

All this musing aside, the urge to be unprofessional quite often prevails. We amuse ourselves by setting challenges to find the oldest client (101), the most common geezer names (Mary and Alex), the one with the weirdest ailments. The first one to find someone with a goitre wins a fiver.

RHI:  Hey look at these two old ducks. They’re sisters.

SHAUNY:  Oooh er. Just like us!

RHI:  Do you want to be Margaret or Mary?

SHAUNY:  It depends who’s got the worse ailments.

RHI:  Well, you have to be Margaret because she’s older.

SHAUNY:  But I don’t wanna be! I’m arthritic and blind in one eye!

RHI:  Well how do you think I feel? I’ve got bowel troubles and I’m mildly confused!

About Shauna Reid

Ahoy there! I’m Shauna, an author, copywriter and content mentor. I love telling stories about life and helping others to tell theirs.

Find out more about me and how we can work together – I’m now booking for January 2022.

25 thoughts on “Help The Aged

  1. Sounds like you’ve nailed a plan:
    nick out of the office to go do things like climb some hills or write a book or shag some kilt guys

  2. Damned uncanny that you’re secretarying for the infirm. Just don’t lose sight of your purpose!

  3. Hey, who cares if you are filing again! You have a paying job, you’re not leeching on society. You sold everything and travelled across the globe and you are experiencing LIFE! It doesn’t get any better than that. You go, girls, I am experiencing it all vicariously through you two! 😀

  4. Reminds me of what Seth says about shuttling fogies around in his cab. I would like to think that our generation won’t let itself go so much, but I will probably be wrong.

  5. *climbs up a hill with his kilt on, and waves a brand new, fully charged laptop in the air to catch your attention*

  6. Shauny, go climb a hill. In fact, climb Arthur’s Seat. It’s a beatiful walk and a lovely view from the top.

  7. I remember when I was over there and work was giving the shytes. I’d have a really bad day and then all of a sudden stop and say to myself, “Who cares! I’m in Scotland!” and usually the thought of being in Scotland would make my day better seem all the more brighter.

    Besides, it’s not the same as having a bad day at home is it 🙂

  8. I’ll give you a tenner for the first colostomy bagpipe you find.

    I look at my dad’s family to get the good oil on being old.
    Pros: grandfather lived to 92.
    Cons: most of dad’s brothers have Alzheimer’s.
    Pro: my dad has none of the early indicators for it.
    Con: it skips generations.

    This is, of course, without mentioning the uncle who wore an Akubra splashguard (sans hat) at his brother’s funeral a couple of years ago. Woo!

  9. “Well how do you think I feel? I’ve got bowel troubles and I’m mildly confused!”




    Damn. You’re in Edinburgh filing, I’m in Melbourne and today I’m … filing.

    Hmmm, no it’s obivious.

    You win.

  10. I can only suppose that filing in Edinburgh beats filing in Melbourne because it’ll soon be (what passes for) summer in Scotland.

    And no more nasty cracks about us old farts! 🙂

  11. hehe shagging and filing at the same time 🙂 women are very good at multi tasking… i am sure you could pull it off 🙂 you go girl 🙂 Congrats on the employment. Everytime I file something in the office I’ll think of you doing your filing but in a much more exotic location than Canberra 🙂

    PS It is starting to get very cold here… you left at a good time 🙂 Canberra misses ya though 🙂

  12. please go and get yourselves matching ‘margaret’ and ‘mary’ tee-shirts, you know, with the iron-on felt letters. perhaps you could have ‘bowel movements today’ written in an arch on your back, with your preferred number beneath. like a basketball singlet. sponsored by metamucil.

    it’ll make the filing so much more fun, i promises ya!

    my mother is a nurse in a nursing home, regales me with stories about crazy old people, and tells me that she actually WANTS to go in a home when she’s old and loopy: “dear god, if i’ve got dementia, don’t try and look after me yourself, will you?!!”.

    it totally weirds me out.

  13. Someone I knew worked in a home like that. Apparently, all the residents were outfitted with these synthetic dresses which made skrtch-skrtch noises and resulted in fearsome displays of geriatric-made lightning.

    THAT would be worth seeing… though perhaps not from inside one of said dresses…

  14. I don’t have anything to say ‘cept I loves me Shauny! Hope you gals are having a ball. And when you’re blind in one eye maybe you could get one of those fake eyes that’s an eight ball or has a cat’s slitted pupil.

    Rock on Maggie! Say hi to Mary from me!

  15. dejavu….i worked for the social work dept of the Edinburgh city council….doing, you guessed it..FILING., argh…the best thing to do is go out with some of the scottish staff Friday arvo, they have brilliant accents and are usually excellent drunks. Hope your loving the place, enjoy

  16. Gawd, my first ever job involved filing. I was pretty crap, I filed my glasses case once by accident and found it 3 months later in amongst the ‘J’s. D.I.P.S is the way forward baby, slice, dice and scan. Instead of filing bits of paper you can go demented by trying to find where your system has added the scanned in bits of paper too instead *le sigh*. I work for my local council btw, you can’t tell that my sections in the shit can you *grin*

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