It’s twenty minutes to half an hour to work on the bus each morning, depending on the Moron to Bus Stop ratio. There’s always someone who has to argue with the driver, lose their bus pass, not have the right change, or generally mess with the efficiency of Lothian Buses.
But I look forward to the journey. It’s a delicious chunk of time to just sit up the top and daydream, to attempt to put on lipstick, peer into peoples backyards, snigger at bad hairstyles, doze briefly, or chase fallen lipstick down the aisle.
There’s a lot of elderly people on the route. They’re loud and funny and always bitching about the weather. The other day some old biddie got on, flashed her OAP card then sat down. The bus driver called her back and reminded her that she had to pay 40p as it’s only free after 9.30 AM.
“Ooh, I clean forgot!” she blushed.
“Yoooo stupid old fart,” muttered a sweet little dame in front of me, who looked at least ten years her senior, “Everyone knows that.”
Then she gave her the finger.
Another day an old guy went sprawling when a particularly wild driver really hammered on the brakes at his stop. He giggled and brushed off his coat, and we all smiled back at him, knowing it just as easily could have been one of us. Except for one cranky wrinkly who snarled, “Look, sonny. Maybe you’re just too old to ride the bus now!”
If the oldies aren’t entertaining me, there are plenty of intriguing conversations to drop in on. There’s politics…
“You know they keep saying on the news how disappointing the turnout was for the Scottish elections, I can tell ya what the real reason for that is. It’s because it’s just so bloody borin’. Why don’t they make it worth our while? They should put it on the telly and make the politicians sing or dance or do magic, and then we ring up and vote for our favourite. We wouldn’t have to go out in the rain or anything.”
… and technology…
“I don’t know how I’d get through the working day without Solitaire.”
“Don’t you think it’s a bit borin’ and lonely? You can only play it on your own.”
“But that’s the idea!”
“Personally I think Hearts is more excitin’.”
“You can only play that on your own too!”
“Aye, but Solitaire just seems more solitary to me. I think it’s got something to do with the name.”