Temporary Insanity

It is ridiculous that I have been hired as the Personal Assistant. He is having to remind me to remind him to go the meetings. Asking me to organise your working day is about as logical as asking Elizabeth Taylor how to fix your crappy marriage. I have newfound respect for the cool efficiency of secretaries and PAs. Meanwhile, I've stabbed myself three times with the stapler, written on the whiteboard with permanent marker, and cannot grasp the concept of folding letters so the address shows up in the window envelope. How can I organise someone else when I can't even organise myself? Where's my bloody PA? It would be nice to have the little secretary there every morning, handing me some toast and a glass of orange juice. Time to get out of bed, ma'am. Here are your messages. Here are your pants. You have three minutes to get to the bus stop.

About Shauna Reid

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17 thoughts on “Temporary Insanity

  1. So let me get this straight, it’s handy having a secretary, but no one wants to be a secretary? hmmm…I see problems, hehe

  2. Okay, because of the time difference (you in scotland, me in us-land), I might not be the best secretary to wake you up, but I certainly could provide long stories now and then that could somehow make it easier for you to sleep? Not quite sure what I could tell you, but I have the feeling that all of my stories are pretty much good night stories, aren’t they?

  3. Rick brings up an important point. Didn’t you go to Scotland cause your sis had some opportunity or other? All we’ve heard was something during the trip to Paris. Not that we don’t enjoy hearing about you 😉 but hearing about both of you makes it even better!

  4. Permanent pen on the whiteboard – I’ve done that!! Writing over it in whiteboard pen gets it off – they told me that after i spent half an hour stressing…

  5. Hmmm. I’m sure most people angling for riches and success have found it necessary to stab themselves with the stapler on the slippery ladder to the top of P.A efficiency. Folding the letter so the address is in the right place is a different matter entirely – if you master this then you are doomed…only truly anal people are able to master this feat in an admirable fashion. Stay crap and proud.

  6. for some really strange reason that i’m have therapy for, i love being a PA (to someone decent only). of course, current unemployment due to health and nearing NHS surgery date might be to blame.

  7. Ah, those heady days of corporate whoredom when I had 1/4 of a secretary, all of my own …

    “Here are your pants” – it’s those little things one so often needs assistance with, isn’t it?

  8. Ouch! i feel your pain. i’m afraid i gave up secretarial in a fit of self-disgust when i was temping. But i believe writing a lot of lists and stuff helps.

  9. For some reason, I am reminded of Homer as Mr Burns’ PA:

    Homer: Here are your messages:
    “You have 30 minutes to move your car”,
    “You have 10 minutes”,
    “Your car has been impounded”,
    “Your car has been crushed into a cube”,
    “You have 30 minutes to move your cube”.

    [phone ringing]

    Homer: [answers] Yello, Mr. Burns’ office.

    Burns: Is it about my cube?

  10. ahh paul, that’s a classic scene.

    rick, svarit – rhi is temping somewhere on the switchboard… and no, there was no ‘opportunity’ for her, we just wanted to come to scotland.

    if she starts blogging i’ll let you know, in the meantime you’re stuck with me.

  11. must… make… lists…

    and seepi, thanks for the whiteboard tip! 🙂

    and alegna, the stationary is pretty rockin’ here. the pens suck but there are envelopes of all sizes… ooh er.

  12. ” Asking me to organise your working day is about as logical as asking Elizabeth Taylor how to fix your crappy marriage.”

    I have reread that sentence three times. It keeps getting funnier.

  13. Wish my old boss could’ve walked a mile in my shoes.

    Some advice – get a blank book, or lined journal and write EVERYTHING down in it that he wants you to do, as soon as he says it. Carry it around with you, and check it every half-hour of the working day. Cross items off as they get done. Last thing before you leave, turn to a fresh page, copy all the unfinished items onto the new page, and put a paperclip on it.

    This little system turned me from “that idiot” into “You’re the best damn assistant I’ve ever had. I’ll pay you $600 more a month if you’ll just stay”. [Thanks, but no. I quit!]

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