The escalator groaned as I ascended, red-faced and sweaty. Only elite athletes like myself spend two hours at the gym then take the escalator afterwards. Once at the top, I spied all sorts of action at the nearby cinema. It's one of the venues for the Edinburgh International Film Festival. There were shiny cars, people with cameras and… a red carpet!
Oooh, excitement. And I'd heard Ewan McGrrrrregor was in town for the premiere of his saucy new film. Just my luck, I'd bump into the lusty lad while wearing baggy pants and a hint of that morning's Weetabix on my t-shirt.
Thankfully he wasn't among the crowd. But you never know who you could bump into this time of year. This town is buzzzzzzzzing! There's also the Fringe Festival, the Book Festival, the International Festival, the Edinburgh Tattoo… there's no Ewan but there's a dude juggling chainsaws, too many bloody pipers, bad street theatre, busloads of wrinklies shuffling up to the Castle. Every available surface is slathered by wacky posters of wacky comedians with wacky faces. Every night there's fireworks and cannon's firing, the blast sends your lungs rattling in your ribcage. Afterwards there's a flurry of noise, dogs howling, birds squawking and spluttering.
Last Sunday there were all sorts of free performances on The Meadows. It was a gorgeous summer day. When it warms up here it's like a dream summer, it doesn't sap your strength like in Australia, it's more slow and languid and… nice. It makes me want ice cream. At one point there was a salsa band and all sorts of people were getting up to dance. I couldn't take my eyes off this exotic looking girl and her geeky dance partner. She really looked the part, all dark and long haired and snaky hipped. When she dragged him up I thought, Hehe, he is gonna suck. Why are they together?
But he didn't suck. He just transformed when the music sparked up, moving so gracefully and sexily like he had caramel flowing through his veins, oooh they looked so good together.
It would be so cool to have a hidden talent like that. I would be at peace with being a dork if I could do something. Do you ever dream of just waking up one day, opening your trap and suddenly you could sing? Or when dinner parties were dull, you could pipe up and say, Don't worry folks! I can can-can!
Or maybe you knew how to juggle some cutlery. Or you could pick up a guitar and pluck it into life. All these crazy people in town right now, maybe some of them are accountants or bus drivers normally, most people don't know that they have this thing that they can do. People think they're Mr Ordinary walking down the street, but little do they know, he can burst into an entertainment machine at any moment.