Bad Accent Day

They sat around a table full of muffins and a bizarre Rice Krispie/toffee concoction, cackling and talking about Coronation Street. Once again I was the new kid, quietly and politely sipping tea even though I don't drink tea, but I couldn't just sit there looking like a pussy who doesn't drink tea.

One of them plonked down beside me and peered at me all too closely. The hue of her thick sunbed-toasted face reminded me of the cows on our farm, with deep wriggly crevices like soil erosion. She had cropped bleached hair and her eyes were almost black. She reminded me of someone who would bash you up in the canteen line at school if you didn't surrender your lunch money.

"Have I met you?"

"No! I'm Shauna."

"You're SHOR-NA!" She smirked. "Are you from where I think you're from?"

"I'm from Australia."

"AH-STRAY-LI-UH! Whereabouts in AH-STRAY-LI-UH?"

"I'm from Canberra."

"KEHHHHN-BRUH! Why don't you live in Sydney?"


"Ha! How long are you working here for?"

"Just this week. I'm temping."

"Just this WOIK. You're TEMPEN."

"Yes. Yes I am."

"Well I gotta go. NOICE TO MEET YA MATE!"

A few hours later I was waiting for the bus when a young man with equally dark eyes shuffled up beside me. He smiled and mumbled something in a thick Scots accent.

I smiled helplessly. "Sorry?"


"I'm really sorry…"

He rolled his eyes. "Nniiidddeee?"

"You need change? For the bus? I don't have any, honest. I just use my bus pass thingy you see…"

"Noooo! I said, nnniiddeee?"

Did he want to kill me? There was noone else around. I shrugged meekly.


"OH! Nice day? Yes! Yes I did have a nice day. Thanks for asking! God I am so sorry, I –"

"Noo. Noo. I am so sorry."

He rolled his eyes again and disappeared before I could explain about being Australian and particularly stupid.

The next day at work I wandered down the hall to the kitchen when I heard those mocking tones behind me.

"Well well well. It's SHOR-NA from KEHHHHN-BRUH!"

About Shauna Reid

Ahoy there! I’m Shauna, an author, copywriter and content mentor. I love telling stories about life and helping others to tell theirs.

Find out more about me and how we can work together – I’m now booking for August 2020.

22 thoughts on “Bad Accent Day

  1. I don’t think anyone will blame you if you slap that girl next time she does it.

    That old entry you linked to before — I liked the “paper jam” bit a lot. You’re funny. Go you. Um.

  2. I lurve your accent! So I’m gonna come over there and beat her ass senseless. Yeah. Once I get the money and the martial arts training.

  3. People that mock accents annoy the hell out of me. They all think they’re so funny and accurate, but they just look like jackasses.

  4. Well Shauna dear, I’m afraid that’s where Scotland is obviously different from the US, where I am able to wield my accent as some kind of magic friend-making device.

    Also – Beware the Dark-Eyed Scots. Actually, that sounds like a good title for a C-grade paperback novel… or NaNoWriMo contender!

  5. Laughed out loud is what I did…water dribbled right out my nose.

    I don’t know if YOU had a “Nniiidddeee” but you were kind enough to give me one!

    *stands behind mb in the people smackin line*

  6. I reckon that Shor-na from Kehhhn-bruh should engage that black-oied scrubba-dog in a good old-fashioned tea-room scrag foight, orroight?

    And, in the words of Momo’s mum:

    They’re just jealous of you, cos you’re such a cutie.

  7. I mean really, a Scot making fun of *your* accent?

    Remember that Trainspotting was either dubbed/subtitled (forget which) for distribution in the States?

    I think the Scottish accent is universally accepted as the most amusing English accent of all (just getting in ahead of the Irish).

  8. I so know how you feel..for some reason, whenever i introduce myself as Stephen, Canadians go ‘nice to meet you DAVID!’

    It has happened so many times but it still amazes me

  9. I can feel your pain.I am an expat living in the states and it pisses me off when bloody american morons ask what part of England am I from.I tell them to have another guess and they get it.Some take a little while longer.And then say “G’day mate, want a Fosters ?” I just walk away from them.Trust me,don’t let it get to you.

  10. I absolutly love taking the piss out of australians for their accents,
    it really is one of life’s little pleasures

Comments are closed.