A big chunk of our Easter Monday was spent in a queue in Anstruther. This little village on the Fife coast is home to what is often called Scotland's finest fish and chip shop. The queue stretched halfway down the street.
The sun elbowed out from behind the clouds and I peered at my forearms, noting that after a year I'd become just as pale as the locals. Dogs eyed the queue, wide-eyed and slobbery with the scent of sea and saturated fat. Elderly couples shuffled along the cobblestones, tongues flapping slowly at their ice cream cones. A red-haired kid tugged at her mother's arm and tattled on her sister, "She called me a stupid big bum!".
After half an hour we made it inside the door of the shop, only to be greeted by an even longer queue. But we didn't mind because we spotted a notice board full of newspaper articles. Tom Hanks had visited the shop just last week! His daughter attends nearby University of St Andrews, and evidently they'd had a day out and the local press went crazy.
By the time we got to the counter I was ready to break the glass and grab my own goddamn fish supper. But I thought of Tom in Cast Away when he was stranded on the island with that volleyball. He knew how to be patient. So I watched spotty boys peel potatoes and old guys scoop haddock so tenderly from the deep fryer.
Not so patient was the constant rotation of middle-aged bald guys out the front of the shop. They scratched their heads, tapped at the glass, frowned at watches, smushed their beer bellies against the window as they tried to locate their spouses in the queue.
What the bloody hell did they think that would achieve? Did they really think making that vein pop out on their ruby foreheads would make the little missus fetch their sausage supper and Irn-Bru any quicker? No, so go and sit down, you lazy bugger.
At four o'clock we skipped triumphantly cross the street with our white paper bag. I wanted to yell, "Enjoy the queue, SUCKERS!". But instead I remembered the dignity Apollo 13 Tom showed in the face of adversity and sat down quietly to eat.
It was heavenly. Light crispy batter, fresh crunchy chips wolfed down with a steaming cup of tea.