The three new dads were talking about their babies with the passion and in-depth analysis they used to reserve for football and chicks with enormous tits.
DAD 1: What nappies y'usin these days?
DAD 2: Pampers.
D1: Size 1 or Size 2?
D2: Size 2, I think. He's only 6 weeks old but he's a big bairn.
D1: Aye, but not fat like.
D2: Aye, not fat. Just a solid unit. Stevo, what nappies do you use?
DAD 3: Pampers, mate.
D2: That's what we're using too, but we're having problems with them.
D3: Bet yer putting them on backwards, ya numpty!
D2: Nooo. They're just not working. No absorption, leaking everywhere, the poor wee fellae's got shite up his back and that's not nice.
D1 & D3: Nooo.
D1: Do you remember their very first shite?
D2 & D3: [faraway smiles] Aye!
D1: It's sooo long. And it stretches out forever.
D2: And it's black!
D3: It's like tar. Stretchy tar.
D1: It's boggin'.
SHAUNA: Goodbye, maternal urges.