Dirty Creatures

The award for Most Baffling Support Act goes to Minnie Driver, actress turned songstress, who is currently warming up the crowds for The Finn Brothers on their UK tour.

As we have been reminded in every bloody interview of late, Minnie has been singing forever and had a recording contract long before she ever made a movie. So we vowed not to write her off too quickly on Saturday night. She floated onto the stage to hopeful applause, reduced to a cloud of curls and a pair of levitating Hollywood teeth that gleamed like a halloween decoration under the dim blue lights. Rhi and I squinted to give her the once over.

"Wow, she looks just like a person."

"Except for her stomach. I'd buy her album if it came with a FREE stomach as flat as hers."

Her songs were… how can I put this nicely? Dull as dogshit. Her voice was husky sweet, the band was tight, she smiled and shuffled with lovely breasts that didn't move. But the songs had the uninspired "Woe is me, I'll cry into my cup of tea" depths of Dido.

This next one's about the end of a bad relationship. Of course I won't name names! 

"Oh go on, Minnie! Name names!"


Now this is the title track from my album, 'Everything I've Got In My Pocket'.

"What has Minnie Driver got in her pocket?"

"A shredded photo of Matt Damon?"

Her set was mercifully brief.

"Well, nice one Minnie. That was pleasant enough."

"Yes. But if she wants fodder for a second album she'll need to shag someone more exciting than Matt Damon."

The Finns, on the other hand, were good value. Whether they're in Split Enz or Crowded House or solo or in their current brotherly incarnation, Neil and Tim in concert are the musical equivalent of coming home to your favourite comfy slippers and a cup of tea. They've never lost their charm or witty banter, and played an elegant mix of classics and new stuff.

Neil was youthful as ever, sporting a dodgy vest and bouffy hairdo that harked back to the early Crowdies days. Tim really stole the show for me, he looked a new man. Last time I saw him at the Opera House Farewell he looked truly haggard and struggled to hit the high notes. Eight years later he was all energy and crazy dancing with a floppy mass of silver hair. If he wasn't older than my dad I might say he was rather sexy.

I went bezerk with the camera, and here is a gallery of the least dodgy shots. I still haven't mastered the art of staying still, resulting in some freaky distortions. The happiest accident came during Dirty Creature. Tim danced round the stage being endearingly sinister while Neil strummed in the background – somehow it looks like he's about to rip his brother's head off.

image from www.dietgirl.org

About Shauna Reid

Ahoy there! I’m Shauna, an author, copywriter and content mentor. I love telling stories about life and helping others to tell theirs.

Find out more about me and how we can work together – I’m now booking for October 2021.

13 thoughts on “Dirty Creatures

  1. why is it that whenever a celeb switches careers, they ALWAYS say the thing they switched to was their “1st love”?

  2. I’ve always likened Tim to be the narcissist and less talented of the duo and Neil to be the most talented and all round nice guy.

    I bought their new CD and for most of it, gound my teeth at Tim’s vocals. You could also tell who wrote what song on the CD. Suppose I expected a bit more Crowded House on the CD and was a little disappointed.

  3. >>musical equivalent of coming home to your favourite comfy slippers and a cup of tea.

    That is SO true. Even if they are kiwi slippers.

  4. I’m sorry – I just don’t get the Finn brothers. Never have. I know that this will earn me allround hatred of all Aussies living, but I think their songs are either whiney or boring as batpoop. When I’m even the slightest bit depressed, a quick “you better come home soon” will get me pouncing the radio to change the channel or else tragically bawling along, while remembering EACH AND EVERY failed relation I’ve ever contributed to. And I really don’t need that.

    And then there’s Wendy Matthews. PLEASE put an end to her misery! Quick!

    AB SO LUTE LY don’t get the general adoration and reference flowing their way.

  5. Oh, and what I forgot to say earlier:

    Shaunster, you light up my life.


  6. while admiring the Finn brothers talent I could never REALLY get into them either. Now, the Ted Mulry Gang was another matter, SERIOUS talent there!

    Very kewl fotos…

  7. oooh you went!! glad you caught them – yeah, i am a bit suss of Minnie too, I think i will sit in the bar when she’s playing (am going to London gigs). great pic of tim – can i post your gallery url & review to a couple of finn-loving friends, shauny?

  8. Well, no need to tell you I am a SERIOUS Finn fan, but then I’m old enough to have attended a Split Enz gig – so say no more.

    I saw them in August. And will see them twice when they’re in London next month.

    Aside from the music, the lyrics and the sheer talent, the best thing about the Finn Brothers is, has and always will be NEIL’S HAIR!

  9. Did you just write ‘elegant mix’ ? *mumbles* twat…. 🙂

    I personally like the idea of coming home from work to firmly jam each of my feet up a finn brother.

  10. Never mind loving rock and roll, I love your photo of the Parl (with hairdryers) – see left if you haven’t noticed it, people. Complete with mildly baffled onlookers, I see.

    I wish it would stop raining. Just for a couple of hours would do.

  11. I only have to think of the words “Split Enz” and I’m back in sixth form. As for Minnie, I guess you could say she had everything to lose and nothing to gain, and at least she is playing gigs (and as a support act). And as I said under your flickr photo – I can’t bring myself to hate someone who was in “Grosse Point Blank.”

  12. Great to see you bigging up kiwi musos. I was brought up on Split Enz in the late seventies and early eighties.
    I love the latest FB album. My partner and I are going to see them in Bournemouth because we’ll be in Venice when they play in London. Apparently the tour is sold out…
    Can’t wait but hope they ditch Minnie on the M1 somewhere!

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