Perhaps you’ve been admiring the Breakfast Pack and thinking, “Why yes that does look delicious, but how can I experience Scottish Cuisine if I’m not much of a cook?”
Thankfully there’s an abundance of outlets in Scotland offering deep-fried delights. One of my favourites is Serena, located in the Takeaway Quarter of Dunfermline, Fife. It’s two blocks of pure temptation with Chinese, Indian, Mexican and traditional Fish And Chips establishments all competing for your pound.
Strolling past is an assault of the senses, the air thick with heady aromas of lard, spice and MSG. But Serena, touting itself as a purveyor of “Exotic and Indian Cuisine”, is a standout least not for the sheer ambitiousness of its menu. Where else can you get tandoori AND baked potatoes?
On one particular evening I fancied something Italian. According to the Serena’s menu, the Mixed Calzone came “Highly Recommended”. You can’t get a much better endorsement than that!
I’ve had calzone before, you know, the folded-over pizza. But this turned out to be The Mother of All Calzones, a horrifying moment where Scottish and Italian cuisines collided! It began with a giant circle of pizza dough. Then on one half of the circle went a groundcover of Scottish cheddar. Next comes a heavy scattering of tandoori chicken pieces, followed by hulking handfuls of greasy doner kebab meat and great globs of onions marinated in a mysterious radioactive-red sauce. Finally, the empty half of the dough circle is stretched over the festering pile of diced animals, sealed tight and topped with yet more cheese before being popped into the oven.
When we finally dragged the hulking thing home, all we could do was saw it in half and just stand in awe, gawking at the horror within. I thought I’d seen it all after that Breakfast Pack, but this was a whole new level. I did manage to eat a few mouthfuls purely as an experiment. But even though four inches of solid protein might be okay with Doctor Atkins, the tightening in the chest area told me it was time to stop!
As always, you can see the greasy goodness for yourself over at Flickr.