Mothership, Mothership. That’s all I ever hear from you people. I told her about all the comments and emails I got asking for her response to the engagement, and she was delighted to know she is still famous. She released this official statement:
“The Mothership knew it would happen! She started making the official Wedding Quilt as soon as she came back from her trip to Scotland last April! Motherships know these things. Hee hee!”
Yes, she now refers to herself as The Mothership and often talks in third person. She’s also a mad keen patchworker.
Everyone has been happy for us, and here on WNP the old Comment Count Record has been smashed! You all rule the school, thanks for your kind words. Here’s a few more reactions to the news:
SISTER RHI: Woohoo! I knew he’d come through!
GARETH’S DAD: Well done son! We’re so happy for you! I was hoping you wouldn’t screw it up!
GARETH’S MA: [dabbing tears of joy] Married by the end of March? That’s not much time for me to go on a diet!
SISTER HOLLIE: [in email with subject: oh my god oh my god oh my god oh my god oh my god oh my god!] CONGRATULATIONS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! AAAAAAAAARRGGHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!! I can wear my formal dress! LOL!
AUNTIE BARB: So is this Gareth a nice boy? Because if he’s not The Aunts can come over and bail him up. We can be very formidable, you know!
MY FORMER BOSS: Will you consider wearing a tartan bridal gown… like the famous one designed by Vivienne Westwood and modeled by Kate Moss? Now there’s something for you to ponder (from memory she had her left breast hanging out – so may not be quite you).
And now some answers to your burning questions!
Is this going to turn into a smug, insufferable, boring as batshit wedding blog?
Please don’t fret, petals. I just thought I’d be polite for those who wanted details. I’ll find some horrible Scottish grease to blog about tomorrow!
Have you given Australia the arse forever?
No! We’ll be back, I’m sure.
Have you set a date?
Will you have a gift register?
No! We don’t need anything of that wedding presenty stuff, so it would feel obscene to have one. The only thing I’d want a hand blender so I can mutilate vegetables at high speed. I was just about to add one to my Amazon wishlist when someone sitting beside me who shall remain nameless said, “You’re not going to put that on there are you? You’re a shameless whore!” and I said to that person, “Yeah well I don’t have to obey you YET, buddy!”
Will Gareth wear a kilt?
I think he’s warming to the idea, especially after I showed him 21st Century Kilts. There’s no need for the modern Scotsman to look like the lovechild of Groundskeeper Willie and a pirate.
Can we see a picture of the happy couple?
There are only two photos of us together in existence. They are both Lomo Action Sampler-style photos, the first taken when Gareth sampled his first Vegemite sandwich. It features four frames of Gareth’s face in various stages of contortion and me pumping my fist in the air coz I’d successfully identified which was the Australian and which was the New Zealand-made Vegemite in a blind taste test.
The second one is known as The Exciting Cake Photo. We’d been invited to Rory’s for dinner and decided to bake a cake. Our first cake together! We were excited. Jane pointed the Lomo at us and told us to look excited as we pulled the lid off the cake tin. We looked excited, but also drunk and deranged. The cake turned out to be raw in the middle.