So Long, Suckers!

Moving house would have been quick and easy if I wasn't so sentimental. I came here with just two wee suitcases, but now I have those same two wee suitcases plus eleven boxes chock full of "mementos". I like to sift through this magpies nest and let random objects trigger memories, rather than having to remember things with my actual brain. So in lieu of packing, I spent Saturday sniffling and blubbering over two years of Scottish detritus. The wrapper from my first Tunnocks Tea Cake. A tiny lump of Icelandic volcano. Twenty-two boarding passes from our travels. A Durex wrapper from a Particularly Good Shag. A handwritten sign, SHAUNA AND RHIANNON'S FOOD CUPBOARD: KEEP OUT! And what a crying shame to be parting company with my treasured flatmates, what with their radioactive cheese in the fridge, penchant for playing The Best of Elton John at midnight; their rainbow of pubes on the bathroom floor. I haven't bothered to actually tell them I'm leaving, but maybe I'll reminisce as I waltz out the door, "Remember when you brought that guy home from the pub and your fake orgasm sounded like a cow being slaughtered?". Or, "Remember the time I peed on your bra?". Yesterday I woke up and thought, This is the last day on my own. Tomorrow it's off to the marital home. What would you if you had just 24 hours left as a single person? Take yourself out for lunch? Go clubbing? Bungee jump? Furiously masturbate, all day long? Well I chose to go the gym, scramble some eggs then arrange my boarding pass collection in chronological order. I was a thrillseeker right to the end!

About Shauna Reid

Ahoy there! Iโ€™m Shauna, an author, copywriter and content mentor. I love telling stories about life and helping others to tell theirs.

Find out more about me and how we can work together – I’m now booking for June 2021.

25 thoughts on “So Long, Suckers!

  1. (the move actually happened last night, just took me awhile to post the entry! the title comes from what i said as i slammed the door shut for the final time ๐Ÿ™‚

  2. wow… It is the end of an era!

    No more crazy roommate stories… wah. ๐Ÿ˜‰

    So exciting for you guys though! Now you will REALLY find out what you think of each other… haha

  3. I’m expecting “the kilted one” to provide plenty of stories to make up for the lost flat-mates.

    Congrats on the little move and the big one.

  4. hmm.. curious… how you have a link for the tea cake, the icelandic volcano, the radioactive cheese and even the peeing on the bra .. but no link for the particularly good shag .. is this just a coincidence or .. go figure.. ๐Ÿ™‚ .. whish you all the best in the .. time to come

  5. i can always count on you shauny to make me laugh! what fun. what did i say as i moved on from my house of 5 surfing roommates? nothing. i snuck out and hoped nobody would contact me for at least three months! and they didn’t, thank god, because now i miss them and it’s fun to get together again! (as long as i don’t have to clean their dribble off of the toilet seat when i go to sit. which reminds me: when i lived with them (four men, mind you) for over two years, i fought the urge everyday to write a note and leave it above the toilet that said “if you sprinkle when you tinkle, be a sweetie and wipe the seatie”) (i should’ve done it) (i originally saw a hanging with this quote in my grandmother’s motorhome)

  6. Do you still have that… thing… with… you know. The thing with the bits. What you hit. Tell me you haven’t thrown it out, I’ll be so distraught.

  7. Do you still have that… thing… with… you know. The thing with the bits. What you hit. Tell me you haven’t thrown it out, I’ll be so distraught.

  8. Congrats on getting moved out! I can’t wait for the new posts about all the adventures you’ll be having with the new hubby!

  9. so, if the move was the night before, and you had just 24 hours left as a single person… are you like, married now? or is my maths getting worse?

  10. No, didn’t she just mean 24 hours more until she started life as part of a couple who live together?

    Eeek, indeed. I occasionally have the odd qualm about Never Living Alone Again myself. It does seem weird. Frankly I’m still somewhat startled that anyone would want me, as it were, to be their Flatmate for Life, given my utter lack of domesticity…

    You sound a better bet, notes and all (not that I’m suggesting Gareth will need any notes!). AND you can cook. Wow.

  11. i’ve happened upon you at a transitional moment in your life. good luck with the move and happiness to you in your new life.

    Kimba suggested i stop by this and your other blog. i’m happy she did.

  12. monkey – of course i still have it ๐Ÿ™‚

    bushra – i meant 24 hours til we started living in sin… the hitch bit is next thursday! woo!

  13. Wowsa. That must mean you’re getting married, like, right now. Bless! Oh Shauny, from all that you’ve shared here over the years, I feel like I know how much you deserve and will have a marriage filled with fun and love. Congratulations, and here’s to both of you!

  14. I keep checking your blog daily now… Have you managed to publish your stuff? I know at least a few other BLOGGERS have done as much… and yours by far outranks the typical rigmarole…

  15. Don’t be nervous – it’ll be fun!

    Trust me, I’ve done it … eh…. four? five? times? (six?) and it never ceases to entertain!

    The battles over his soccer awards in the living room….and your wish to paint that same living room a lively red and gold….and whose turn it is to attack the fungus-encrusted pile of dishes…. and the ensuing wet t-shirt/snapping tea towel fights….and the fact that you can now rely on getting carried home when excessive alcohol consumption takes its toll yet again….even if you won’t stop singing all the way….

    Aaaaahhh….. maybe I should try again…

    All the best to you and The Kilted One!

  16. i knew it, i knew i managed to fluke my way through maths!

    i’m sure there’ll be a lot of people thinking of you next Thursday! i hope you have a lovely day!

  17. I have wasted an inordinate amount of company time this week trawling through your archives…your writing is brilliant. I really must get off this site and get my arse back into my poxy job.

  18. Congrats! You’ve experienced so much in life, and this is just another step in that direction. Best of luck to both of you. And tell Gareth he doesn’t get to be my bitchmaster for nothin’. Unless you will it, BitchMistress.

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