The warm autumn

Three weeks til our wedding and Gareth is all smugly sorted with his kilt. Meanwhile I’m sitting around like Cinderella, waiting for the fairy godmother to show up with a frock for the ball so I don’t have to go to the shops.

At least when I do go, I’ll know what to look for. About five years ago when I was lounging in my life of trackpants, depression and unemployment, The Mothership decided to cheer me up by Getting My Colours Done. She dragged me along to the Women’s Weekly Craft Fair at Canberra’s Exhibition Park.

Amidst the cross stitch, teddybear and decoupage stalls lurked a lady with prim lips and clanky bracelets. She peered at me under the fluorescent lights then wafted a rainbow of scarves around my face to determine which shades suited me best.

“Right darling,” she purred. “With your orange hair, brown eyes and pale, on-the-brink-of-death complexion, you are definitely a Warm Autumn.”

I gave her a Cold Winter glare. She flicked her wrist like a magician and produced a little fan of plastic strips, in graduated colours like Dulux paint samples. “These are the colours you must stick to when out buying shoes or lipsticks or suits for your non-existent job interviews. This,” she paused dramatically, “Is the Warm Autumn palette.”

At one end of the spectrum we had dirt brown, which wandered along into cack brown, cack green, khaki, diluted mud and so on to BEIGE. The message was clear: You look good in poo!

I am starting to get worried that I’m not that worried about not having a wedding dress. I’m also worried that other people are worried that I’m not worrying.

Example: Gareth’s lovely Mum’s innocent enquiry: “Do you know what you’re going to wear?”

“Ahh, not yet.”

“Oh. Do you think you’ll wear a dress? Have I ever seen you in a skirt before?”

“Hey, I HAVE skirts.”

My paranoid translation: She thinks I’m a lesbian just using her son for the visa.

Anyway, if anyone knows the best place for poo-hued frocks, please let me know.

About Shauna Reid

Ahoy there! I’m Shauna, an author, copywriter and content mentor. I love telling stories about life and helping others to tell theirs.

Find out more about me and how we can work together – I’m now booking for June 2021.

29 thoughts on “The warm autumn

  1. Visa? Are you never coming back?! I had distant visions of meeting Miss Shauny one day, shattered.

    Do they do wedding gear in “Warm Autumn” colours anyway?

  2. If you decide on traditional, go cream, not white. (Or, that’s what I learned when the color-lady excitedly proclaimed me (also) a warm autumn.)

  3. Shauny! Get yourself a dress, girl!
    Jeezy chreezy! It’s only 21 days away!
    You have people all over the globe in a panic!

  4. another warm autumn! COOL πŸ™‚

    snorks – noooo i will be back in oz! i just need a visa to be able to stay in the uk for the moment…

    el – please don’t worry… I’m not worried! (not)

  5. Warm autumn my arse. I say fuck the pallette and get whatever damn colour you want. I doubt you’ll be happy being married in poo brown or orange or beige, so go out and get yourself something that thrills you, no matter what the colour.

  6. I’m most impressed you’ve even got THIS organised in the timeframe. I’ve been engaged since August and I’m still trying to pretend its not happening. i figure if I bury my head in the sand, I’ll emerge and it’ll all be done for me eventually.

  7. I bought my wedding dress a week before I got married. It wasn’t poo coloured, but it was funny to see the expression on the shop assistant’s face when I told her it was for a wedding and that yes, it was next week and that yes, I was the bride. I had a great day, I’m sure you will too.

  8. Green!! I said it before: Go GREEN, girl!! Bright emerald treefrog traffic light green!!
    With peach glitter smear!! (I don’t think that’s the official name)

    I bought my cocktail dress three days beforehand AND got the shoes covered and had a cumberband made for Fatso. And the wedding was BRILL.

  9. no need to worry .. 21 days left .. my brothers wife started makeing the dress the night before the wedding .. and it was quite good actually …

    if .. in the morning of your wedding day you still don’t have a dress .. THEN it is time to start feeling a bit worried .. and even then .. not too much .. nobody has ever not-gotten married just cos they have no dress ..

  10. Hey Shauny, I haven’t checked on your blog for a while, but I’ve been around, lurking in the shadows, since around 2002. Great stuff, and good to see the you keeping up the same quality of posts. πŸ™‚

    Anyway, re the wedding dress. Well, they’re always varying shades of white aren’t they? I reckon you’d look awesome in a lovely creamy white (eg white with a very subtle hint of beige) dress. Thats my 2c. πŸ™‚

    Oh and btw, I’m actually moving to London soon to live/work for abt a year or so! (I’m from Sydney). πŸ™‚

  11. go with the trad colours, white or cream. you will look pale and interesting. sort of an auburn Gwyneth Paltrow ( isnt she with a Scot too). anyway the fact you haven’t bought anything yet shows a commendable ability to be relaxed about one of life’s major stressful events. This should serve you well for married life. (phew enough phlosophy for one day)

  12. I don’t know what your colouring means but traditional cream or white works for most women – not cream for me ’cause yellow tones make me look sallow. I’ve usually gone on instinct with colours for myself and after reading a book on the colour thing it appears I’ve been doing it right (I’m a Winter). _I_ wouldn’t wear white though if I got married. The white symbolises purity and, I’m not that pure πŸ˜‰ Go with a colour that you feel works with your colouring. You have favourite colours in what you wear right? It doesn’t have to be white, it just needs to make you feel gorgeous!

  13. my favourite colour is chocolate brown.
    rather close to poo on the colour wheel, wouldn’t you think?

  14. See how far you’ve come, Shauny! That’s such a lovely story of you and the colour wheel. Fluttering scarves makes me think of Fleetwood Mac and Black Magic Woman, just for me to say for no particular reason whatsoever.

    Regardless of colour, and whether or not you decide to go the traditional bridal route of white/cream/ivory/champagne or just a pretty colour like emerald green (I agree, that would be gorgeous), I think you should select your dress/hotpants jumpsuit on the basis of it being the most gorgeous thing you see, and it being the one that makes YOU look the most gorgeous, like more gorgeous than usual. If you get stuck on the fact that it is your bridal gown, it might make you feel … stuck.


  15. I’m sure whatever outfil you pick will be lovely.

    It’s my theory that the preamble to weddings are meant to test your mettle. Once you have made it down the aisle, then you and your kilted wonder are meant to last forever. All the best for the next 21 days. After that it will be plain sailing.

  16. I’m sure whatever outfil you pick will be lovely.

    It’s my theory that the preamble to weddings are meant to test your mettle. Once you have made it down the aisle, then you and your kilted wonder are meant to last forever. All the best for the next 21 days. After that it will be plain sailing.

  17. I never understood what “getting your colors done” meant. Back in the ’80s, it was a popular thing to do. Good luck finding a dress–something creamy white, but not to frou-frou. Although from reading your blog, I don’t think you’re the kind of woman who would wear somthing with tons of bows, sequins and tulle. Have fun shopping!

  18. Prom dresses work well, and are often elegant and the cheaper of alternatives.

    (I’ve been down that aisle twice – cream prom dress the first time, blue the second … both gorgeous and no one was the wiser).

  19. I think you short go for a trouser suit of some description, after all your intended is going to be wearing a skirt!

  20. i once went to a wedding where everyone (bride, groom, all the guests) wore orange. it felt a little rajneeshy . Amazing the many shades/interpretations of “orange”.

  21. i once went to a wedding where everyone (bride, groom, all the guests) wore orange. it felt a little rajneeshy . Amazing the many shades/interpretations of “orange”.

  22. You are going to make a gorgeous bride Miss Shauny regardless of what you wear πŸ™‚

    I’m with Monkey – wear what you want to wear πŸ™‚ Hell, if it becomes that difficult, just go in jeans and a t-shirt. That should raise some eyebrows.

    (I’ve threatened to do this when I get married because the thought of looking like a big white marshmellow just doesn’t do it for me. My mother almost had a heart attack when I told her. The look of horror on her face was priceless hehe)

  23. Maybe you could wear the Kilted Wonder’s kilt, and he could worry about finding the right dress?

    I’m sure a chocolate and orange kilt would look nice – a schoolgirlish mode statement.

    You could pretend to be a child bride.

  24. Here’s a tip from an old hand ( well OK completely crap but old) 1. He aint marrying the dress 2. He will be so overcome with a combination of love lust and happiness he may not even notice if you are wearing a dress. 3. Its about you feel. Choose something that makes you feel good, but erm, in the scheme of things, you’d probably better be getting on with it.

  25. Oh that whole colour thing is a load of bollocks. I was supposed to be a cool Spring, but if I wear those colours, I feel like a prat and look like I need to be hospitalised. A friend was told something similar and the colours made her look 20 years older.

    Wear whatever you like and feel fabulous in. Get married in whatever colour pleases you. I was a black and red bride and I was stupidly happy (still am.)

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