I neglected to mention that as part of our Sorry You Had To Get Married Twice compensatory gifts, they also threw in this genuine replica of Elvis and Priscilla’s Marriage Certificate in a white vinyl presentation folder! I assume Elvis’ floating head was part of the State Seal of Nevada at the time.
But even that pales in comparison to the stunning gift we received from Rory and Jane – a genuine 1981 Charles and Diana commemorative coffee mug. We are having the velvet-lined display case custom built as we speak!
People keep asking, “How does it feel to be married?”. It still doesn’t feel real. I don’t think it will until I get my passport and Spouse Visa back from the Home Office, the official word that I am allowed to stay in the UK. Until then I feel like a fraud; I am Gerard Depardieu to Gareth’s Andie McDowell with a lower maintenance hairdo. I keep waiting for Immigration to knock down our door and scream, “SHAM MARRIAGE! SHAM MARRIAGE!” because the wedding was a bit too ridiculous to be real.
But it is real. Can you believe we pulled it off? Just three years ago I caught the bouquet and bitched all about it, but somehow I ended up hitched. Am I supposed to act different now? Should I bake some pies?