Arch Enemy

I got my eyebrows waxed yesterday. Since they’re quite light in colour I tend to neglect them until one morning I’ll peer close in the mirror and notice they’ve gone feral beyond the reaches of plucking. Anyway, yesterday I was attended to by a perky lass named Lynette, and I knew instinctively I shouldn’t trust someone so perky. Now my eyebrows are ridiculously thin and arched like a cartoon villian. I turned to my husband for reassurance.

SHAUNA:  Do my eyebrows look funny to you?

GARETH:  Whoa!

S:  I knew it! She butchered me!

G:  You look like the Mercedes!

S:  What?

G:  Jeremey Clarkson said on Top Gear that the headlights of the new Mercedes look like a woman whose had a banana shoved up her arse.

S:  Just GREAT! I look permanently surprised!

G:  Don’t worry. People will just see you walking round and think you’re REALLY AMAZED by Australia!

About Shauna Reid

Ahoy there! I’m Shauna, an author, copywriter and content mentor. I love telling stories about life and helping others to tell theirs.

Find out more about me and how we can work together – I’m now booking for January 2022.

40 thoughts on “Arch Enemy

  1. Whoo! First comment!

    I’m sure you still look lovely. If not, draw them on with black texta… that’ll solve the problem…

    When I was about 10 I realised I had ‘Brooke Shields’ eyebrows (ie bushy) and so decided to do something about. I hadn’t at this stage heard of plucking so I thought shaving would be a good idea. Trust me — shaving your eyebrows is quite a difficult task when you have never used a razor before. And that’s how I ended up missing half on one eyebrow for my school photos!

  2. That’s it. I am NEVER messing with my natural eyebrow growth. I shall stick with the natural look (aka slight monobrow). Besides, once you start you have to keep doing it, don’t you?

    Then again, I’ll rethink if I turn out to have the same eyebrows as my grandfather and his sisters. He has to get his trimmed when he gets a haircut.

    Honestly, I’m sure nobody else will notice. And haven’t you already BEEN a cartoon villainess (or at least a sky pirate)? And that was extremely cool, in my book…

    Have fun in Australia! and tell us all about it…

  3. Guys just don’t get the eyebrow grooming thing. Yet we still keep doing it. Every time I’ve had mine done I get the response of “where did they go?”

    At least you didn’t have them darkened as well as waxed into oblivion, then it would be really obvious.

    I’d forgotten what a complete ARSE Jeremy Clarkson is…there’s one thing I don’t miss.

  4. Oh, I wish I was going to Australia (looking permanently surprised or not). Go to Bathurst for old times sake (and go to Zeiglers and have NY chunks and baked cheesecake for me).

  5. I leave my eyebrows alone so I’ve never had this problem. But I did get a haircut on my thirteenth birthday which was so bad I didn’t go to a hairdresser for 15 years.
    I used to have a boyfriend who loved bushy eyebrows; only problem is i’m a redhead so mine, while bushy, are completely invisible.
    Hope you enjoy your trip back to Australia, with or without eyebrows.

  6. LMAO – G really has a way with words. Made me laugh, good thing I wasn’t drinking at the same time, my laptop would not be a happy camper.

    I’ve never gotten my eyebrows waxed though I have thought about it – though now your entry has me definitely putting it on the backburner and continue with my tweezers…on my own 🙂

  7. I am scared of those ladies. So I fall victim to pluck, pluck, pluck…shit, now they’re uneven. Pluck, pluck, pluck…now the other one’s too thin! Rinse, repeat. I am cockeyed.

  8. I pluck. not as often as I should since the arrival of jacob, its sort of one hair a day… and I like Jeremy Clarkson and looooove Top Gear. Enjoy Australia!

  9. My ex’s aunt has pale eyebrows so she choses to draw them on about a centimetre above where they actually are. And she looks exactly that… surprised, I mean! Though maybe it is a banana.

  10. i disagree with the “married person blog overload” comment by The Student. in light of the ‘spare room’ entry, shauny posting 3 times in 5 days is not something to complain about. hehe.
    hope you’re having fun in Oz!!:)

  11. Did ‘The Student” mean an overload of blogging about married people or about being married? or did he/she mean too much blogging (in general) from a married person?

    Whatever it is “The Student” is right… much too much blogging Shauna — you are distracting me from much more important things. (I wish!)

  12. Posted by The Student on September 12, 2005 07:37 AM: “I reckon this site has become arse. We aren’t hearing about Gareth anywhere near enough. He is the star, give him some oxygen and some good lines.”

    Posted by The Student on September 25, 2005 11:49 AM: “Married Person Blog OVERLOAD.”

    Four lines was a bit too much, was it?

  13. Have fun with it, Shauny. While you’re on holiday, keep looking over the shoulders of the people you are talking to and see how many of them freak out because they think you see some sort of missile or projectile heading their way!

    Alternatively, you may nod a lot and look extremely interested in all of their stories, thereby offsetting your aforementioned problem of boring them with stories of your travels.

    Just take it in stride… but leave the banana at home (don’t want those eyebrows disappearing into your hairline, now do we?).

  14. Oh geez, I’m being cross referenced.

    A little joke between me and Shauny shouldn’t be taken out of context, all the Shauny defenders need not get their collective nickers in a pointless ‘defending bloggers in the blog comments is SO July 2005’ knot.

    I still think the G man should guest post, taking this blog right into MARRIED PERSON BLOG OVERLOAD TERRITORY.

  15. That’s the point, The Student; this IS the context. We only know each other by our words on the screen. And coming in with what looks like full-on snarking without any obvious reason isn’t going to look good.

    This is why I don’t comment at Shauna’s blog much any more. The risk of in-joking about offline stuff is too high.

  16. Eyebrow- trimming is an ART. Not many can do it right. I pluck my eyebrows but every time I’m not fully concentrated they end up looking weird. And we all know the look of a face is all about the eyebrows. Damn.

  17. Jeez, TS, what’s with the OVERREACTING to other people’s comments? ISN’T that WHAT you WERE just COMPLAINING about? “Risk” doesn’t just mean 9/11-Scale Risk. Okay, you’re right, it’s not the main reason I don’t post comments here much. The main reason is that I don’t comment anywhere much any more. A good policy, which I should have followed this time.

  18. hoy, the Student

    If you don’t like it don’t comment

    Now fuck off or I’ll kick you to death.

    Fair enough?

    silly little man

    pol x

  19. Gah. This is what I hate about online communication: once you’re in one of these defensive feedback loops, everything you write looks passive-aggressive or just plain aggressive. This comment isn’t: The Student, I’m sorry for misreading what you wrote. I thought you were snarking at Shauna for the second time in a fortnight, which seemed unduly harsh, so, as a friend of hers (i.e., someone who has her round for dinner, borrows her Seinfeld DVDs, etc, not just some “circle jerking” online guy), I snarked back. So, I’m sorry about that.

    The comment about “this IS the context” was just to point out that we (other readers) have no way of knowing about in-jokes that aren’t explained here, so anyone who makes them runs the risk of being misinterpreted. Obviously it’s not a life-threatening risk, but for those of us who know Shauna and Gareth offline, the risk of coming across as in-jokey, cliquey etc. is greater than for those who don’t, which is what I meant when I said that I’m careful about it when commenting here. I don’t want any of Shauna’s other readers to feel excluded by something *I* write in her comments. That would be unfair to them (including you), and ultimately to Shauna – even if I meant it as a bit of a laugh between the two of us. So I personally don’t do that stuff here – I do it in email.

    That’s all I meant by that comment. I wasn’t trying to cramp your style (once I realised you weren’t being snarky before), just trying to explain why I reacted as I did. Once again, my apologies.

  20. I don’t believe it… That had to be the first time I’ve ever experienced such maturity on the Internet! Right on, Rory!

    (Awww, look… Our little World Wide Web is growing up…)

  21. *yawn*

    polx – I do like it, the married blog line is a joke between me and shauny – unlike some vapid defenders of the shauny crown around here, I know her, and it’s a joke.

    Beyond that, I’m stunned any of you have bothered writing replies. I mean really, get a life.

  22. shauny, come back and post something new, before your readers eat each other in a “lord of the rings” type fashion!

  23. Why do people who don’t want to read the garbage other people spout in comments come back day in and day out to see who has responded to their protestations against pointless comments?

    I just don’t get it…

    And now I’m sucked into it too… Damn you all!


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