What A Cheek

Three years ago today, Rhi and I were floating somewhere above China, halfway between our old life in Australia and whatever lay in store for us in Scotland. Yesterday afternoon Gareth and I were walking down North Bridge in Edinburgh, picking our way through the crowds of tourists and goths. A woman was sprawled on the footpath, her bleached tresses askew, her trousers around her ankles. Her equally inebriated mate was trying and failing miserably to help her to her feet. "'Scuse me pal," he yelled out to Gareth, "Gis a hand to pick her up?" It took all three of us to haul off her the ground. Unusually she had not been floating in a puddle of vomit or pee. "Aww thankshh," she slurred, wrestling her handbag back over her shoulder. "Thankssho much!" "That's okay," said Gareth. "See ya later." We headed off down the street. "Wuh-wuh-wait!" hollered the guy. We turned back. "Would you mind pulling her troosers up?" he asked me. "She cannae dae it hersel'." Without hesitation, I walked behind the woman. Crouching down, I regarded her bare buttocks – pale, gelatinous and bisected by a sparkly black g-string. I gathered up her jeans and gave a brisk upward yank. "Aww thanks. Yer so kind hen thanksshomuch." "No problem!" We strolled on. It wasn't til about an hour later that Gareth said, "Wait a minute, did you just pull up some bare-cheeked lassie's trousers in the middle of the street without even pausing for thought?" After three years, it had seemed like just another sunny 4 o'clock in Scotland. But had that happened on Day One, I probably would have run screaming straight back to the airport.

About Shauna Reid

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7 thoughts on “What A Cheek

  1. oh aye, that happens. i’ve been in bradford for eight months and i’ve already got used to the bonfires every other day.

  2. Hehehe! How hilarious! I bet life in good old conservative Canberra seems a lifetime ago – although I can tell you there is much drunken debauchery across the border, just not in my house unfortunately!

  3. Edinburgh is a wonderful place to live in, isn’t it Shauna:) be it after 3 (you) or after 7 (me) years. Enjoy!

  4. I’ve never picked anyone off the sidewalk I didn’t know. Nor lifted pants, for that matter. I did see quite a few people (mostly ladies) in Edinburgh that were having some kind of too-drunk issue (it being festival and all). I ignored it, like I’m used to.

  5. They must’ve twigged you being a no nonsense Aussie lass because I reckon every Brit out there would have just given them a wide berth. A very wide berth. lol

  6. New reader, new commenter too. Just wanted to let you know your blog was fun to read through today. Plenty of food for thought and plenty of laughs, so thanks =)

    This is the first entry I read, so I thought it seemed appropriate to start my commenting here and continue as I go through other posts. It’s just a hilarious story. I can see it happening =D

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