Married to the Church

After the initial shock of the Zizou Head-Butt comes sadness, speculation and much furtive lip-reading. Perhaps we’ll never know what really happened, but I hope the man himself speaks out soon.

My head says, violence bad! My heart says, violence perhaps understandable if what’s alleged to be said was said! And then another, rather primal part of me aligns with this unique perspective from Heather of This Fish, in which she admits to finding Zidane’s headbutt just a wee bit of a turn on:

“I turned back to the TV just in time to catch the immediate aftermath. A man’s eyes were on fire and everything in his face screamed, ‘Merde! I am one angry Frenchman!’

And that’s when I fell in love.

The announcers started jabbering, as I waited for a recap. And then they showed it again. I sat in stunned silence. And by the third time… well, holy moly, I think I became pregnant by an instant replay.”

Now before you leave outraged comments, just pretend for a moment that you had no knowledge of football or the context of the incident whatsoever, and you looked at the move purely as a display of manly biffo. Heather may just have something there. The sheer, decisive forcefulness of that butt is exhilarating and holds a certain animalistic appeal.

I don’t wish to speculate as to who said what or who’s right or wrong in this situation; I’ll let the journalists scrap over that one like Scottish seagulls on a packet of hot chips. Instead let us pause and reflect on one thing of which we can be certain: Zizou is a handsome bloke. It’s in the smile, the frown, the skillz, the eyes with shades of light and dark; the perpetually sweaty shaven head.

Actually it’s really got a lot to do with the shaven head. He did nothing for me when he still had locks!

Ooh la.
L: Non. R: Oui!

This reminds me that I am lucky enough to actually be married to a lad with a shaved head.

One time we were flipping through an old photo album and Gareth was sighing wistfully at his locks of yesteryear. But he just looked all wrong to me! I much prefer his current do, even though he says I can hardly call it a do if he has no choice in the matter.

We have a photo from Wedding Part III displayed on a bookcase. My mate Peita gave us a beautiful frame and it’s just the one picture, high up on the shelf. Recently our friend Maggie was sitting on the opposite side of the room, squinting up at it.

“Shauna,” she said in puzzled tones, “Why do you have a photo of the Pope?”

“The Pope?”

“Aye! Over there on the shelf. The Pope. You’re standing right beside him!”

“The Pope?”

“Yes. The Old Pope, not the new Evil one.” She leaned forward in her chair. “Are you… are you feeding him cake?

“Nooo!” I cackled, “That’s Gareth! At our wedding!”

“No way.” She ran over the bookcase. “It is too! You know, he really looks like the Pope from over there. It looks like he’s got one of those wee white Pope hats on.”

“That’s not a hat,” said Gareth, “It’s just the AUSTRALIAN SUN shining on my baldy heid!”


About Shauna Reid

Ahoy there! Iโ€™m Shauna, an author, copywriter and content mentor. I love telling stories about life and helping others to tell theirs.

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26 thoughts on “Married to the Church

  1. hehe ๐Ÿ™‚

    just in case any crazy people come round while i am asleep, please remember this is all tongue in cheek AS USUAL.

  2. probably the funniest comment from heather’s site from someone called jen, “Hot. Definitely hot. But, as violence is wrong, he should be punished. By me.”


  3. hahaha… im cracking up while reading this at work. i especially like the bit ” are you feeding him cake?”

    yah zz is hawwt. i like his hands.

    p.s. why does your rss feeds show only the first few lines of the post?

  4. ROFL @ Gareth/Pope confuzzlement! Fantastic post, Shauna! Hilarious from top to bottom, and shaven frenchmen to boot, Ooooooooooooooooo yeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeh! Delicious! *wink*

  5. As a skinhead of 22 years standing I can only applaud the recent up turn in fizzy knickers that the buzz cut seems to cause.

    Huzzah I say.

    Pol x

    goes off to polish his noggin

  6. Buy that woman a pair of glasses. There is no way Gareth looks like the Pope – sun or no sun.

    My Dan isn’t quite shaven headed but he always has a no1 at the barbers and starts to get irritated by the hair if it is longer than about 3mms long. I’ve always known him like this and I’m used to it and think he looks so cute. But in his late teens he was a bit of a metal fan and had shoulder length hair – OMG No! At uni he grew a beard. Ew.

    Zidane is lovely but Thierry is No1 sex god. I could almost become an Arsenal fan (shh – don’t tell Dan!). But they both have beautiful smiles.

  7. Ohhh, I love that photo! It needs speech bubbles, though. Something like:

    Shauna: Ow, I’ve bumped my head. Hilariously!

    Gareth: I’ll comfort you in a moment, dear, but just wait while I stuff the rest of these M&Ms in my gob.

    I think perhaps you could come up with better.

  8. Zidane will speak here in France on the tele at 8pm, thats 7pmBST, fingers crossed its good. He’s in a no win situation though, we want an explanation but then noone likes a dobber

    Im with you, Zidane shaved is much sexier.
    All the better for head butting with perhaps!

  9. Here’s my outraged comment… ๐Ÿ˜‰

    It wasn’t a headbutt. All butts are done using the head, by definition. A headbutt is a butt _to_ the head. So really it was a chestbutt, or just a butt.

    Ah, the pedantry of Radio 4. Amazing what you can learn! ๐Ÿ™‚

  10. I’m sure Materazzi said something completely heinous. Being Asian, I can understand wanting to fly off the handle for a derogatory comment. Why SHOULD you have to swallow it all? But at the same time, I think about people like Muhammad Ali and Pele and Jesse Owens, and all the other great athletes who had to swallow a lot of crap, but ultimately let their talent speak for them instead. Now that’s character.

    And this is probably going to land me in the Dork Seat, but bald men? HOTTT. Yummy Michael Jordan! Yummy Jean-Luc Picard! But you know, it has to be the right kind of baldy head. Adrien Brody bald? Not so much.

  11. OH



    breaking news on channel 4… footage from his interview on french tv just now… he is looking SPECTACULAR!

  12. Have to say have always been a hair girl myself but those hair and hairLESS pictures, (not to mention of course the completely un-popelike Gareth) may make me change my mind. What I LOVE though, and not necessarily to look at, is that 1/2 – 1 cm stage…!

  13. a pic from the interview tonight (nicked from the bbc!)

    (gareth just said, “you said no more sport!”. okay, the sport ends…. NOW! ๐Ÿ˜› )

  14. I’m with you one the hairlessness of this guy – he has definite phwoar value, but have to point out that he is also helped along by his cheekbone action. (There. Did I mention SPORT? No.)

  15. I do believe YouTube ROCKS!

    I love going bald, the feeling of a woman’s cool, soft hand caressing your noggin on a hot summer’s day is just unbelievable.

    Luckily with Melbourne winters I can get all hairy again ๐Ÿ™‚

  16. But Gareth, it ISN’T about sport, it’s about religion, violence and fetishes, which obviously COULD also be about sport, but only in a West Coast Old Firm context.

    I do like ZZ, there is a sort of ‘quietness’ about him that is lovely, especially when combined with gorgeousness, talent, and a very fine body. *sigh*

    I was about to write that Gareth does not look like JPII but then I closed my eyes and looked through my eyelashes and I sort of see what Maggies means… Lovely photo, though!

  17. I don’t understand what he’s saying but this is sexy as hell. Him explaining what he did. That soft tone.. sigh.

  18. No I didnt tape it and probably a good thing I suspect I would of abused it!

    Not sure about the coat drap, maybe he’s a fan of Federer.

  19. claire, you make me smile ๐Ÿ™‚
    i’m not sure about the coat drape either! sort of looks like a walking wounded soldier from WWII.. mwahaha.

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