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Bizarre Double Life

Hey comrades, it’s confession time! I’ve been wanting to write this entry for over five years but have chickened out, time and time again. But now it’s got to the point where I’m so anxious and exhausted from keeping this dumb little secret that I need to come clean and get it over with. It’s a long story, so go make a cuppa if you need to.

In January 2001, when Pussycat was a mere whiny 6-month old, I was a Very Large Girl. So large that were no clothes left in the shops that fit me. So I decided to do something about it. And typically, I decided to write about it, too. But I didn’t want to write about it on here. I didn’t want any of the Pussycat People knowing how depressed and screwed up I was. I didn’t want to bore anyone with my fat girl whining.

In hindsight I know the Pussycat People would have been kind and supportive, but at the time I was so deeply ashamed and afraid that I couldn’t do it. In fact, I didn’t tell anyone. None of my friends, not even Rhiannon or The Mothership. So I started an anonymous blog, and posted what I hoped would be my Before picture with my face disguised by a Gaussian blur.

And so began five years of dedicated fat fighting, fat blogging, and near-hysterical guarding of my anonymity. By the time I moved to Scotland I had shrunk dramatically, but was still too terrified to talk about it out loud. When I hooked up with Gareth I didn’t even tell him. That’s the beauty of moving to the other side of the world, it’s a chance to leave the past behind and reinvent yourself.

Then last year I was lucky enough to be a contributor for Erin Shea’s book, Tales From The Scale. It was so exciting to see my name in print and on Amazon, and I thought that might be a good time to spill on here. But I still couldn’t bloody do it.

After keeping it quiet for so long it seemed lame to mention it now. I also worried some folk would be hurt or annoyed that I’d been so secretive and sneaky. Actually, I was mostly afraid of anonymous commenters gasping in shock, “You… hideous… FREAK!”.

Then in June things went mental. The book got published in the UK, a possibility I’d naively not considered. I thought I’d just be quietly happy to be in this book in America and nobody in my Real World would ever have to know. But then Grazia magazine published extracts of my chapters . And then the Sunday Mail ran a story, complete with my Before picture cut out so the text wrapped round my Jabba the Hut-esque frame.

When I arrived at work the next day I was well and truly outed. Everyone now knew that I was quite literally Half The Girl I Used To Be. Who’d have thought so many people read that shitty paper? All my colleagues, it seemed. And my friends. And my In Laws. I wanted to crawl under a rock and dieeeeee.

Even then, I still couldn’t fess up to the Pussycat People. I think Scott was the first to find out, from a random Google search I think. Then came a steady trickle of “Found you!” emails as blog worlds started to collide.

At first I felt ill, but then decided that if people discovered it, so be it. I decided to stop being so ashamed and instead be proud of how far I’d come. I even stopped blurring my face in the photos.

I’ve always been a secretive person. Hiding things under the bed, keeping people at arm’s length, compartmentalising different parts of my life. Secret diaries, secret letters, secret stashes; secret eating. When I was a kid we never had any privacy. Our bedroom doors always had to be open. My stepfather would constantly poke his head into our rooms to make sure we weren’t just sitting around reading books, which was apparently a crime. He’d pound on the toilet door if we were taking too long. I was so paranoid that I would keep all my secret treasures in a little bag, and cart them back and forth to my Dad’s house every weekend, paranoid that my parents would snoop in my room. My only sanctuary was the bottom of my wardrobe, where I’d hide for hours and read by torchlight.

But the problem with being so secretive is that you hold so much back from people. I poured my heart out into this anonymous blog, when I should have trusted my friends and family and opened up to them.

As much as I treasure the friendships I’ve made from the diet blog, I regret being so deceptive with people from the Real World. There’s things I’d written in my most pathetic, self-pitying moments that came back to haunt me when I was finally found out; it’s ruined at least one treasured friendship. I recently found out that my friends Rory and Jane had discovered the blog quite some time ago. I was so embarrassed that I could barely look them in the eye when we met up the other day.

I realised as we headed home on the Spew Bus that I need to stop being so ridiculous. I don’t want to kill off another friendship with my paranoia. So things need to change.

This week I’ve been a ball of angst as the blog was featured in The Scotsman. Would anyone else find out? Would anyone mention it in the Pussycat comments? Sure enough they did, and instead of creatively editing the comments like I’ve done in the past, I thought I’d best come clean. Especially since most of you had figured it out already anyway.

But in case you hadn’t, here’s the blog if you’re interested in that sort of thing – The Amazing Adventures of Dietgirl.

In further confessions, the reason I have been so distracted and my blogging has been so sporadic (read, shithouse) for the past few months is that I am attempting to write a book about my lard busting experience. I don’t have a deal or an agent or any of that glamorous claptrap, it’s just me typing for the hell of it. Even if it turns out to be complete dog turds and I publish it myself on the photocopier at work, at least I’ll have gotten it down.

So if things get quiet around here, you’ll now know why. I am completely freaking out right now at the prospect of hitting the Publish button on this entry. I think I’m on the verge of a spewnami! I’m sorry that I have kept so many friends and acquaintances in the dark for so many years. I apologise a bazillion times over. I hope you can understand why I felt the need to do it. I am a paranoid twit sometimes and I didn’t want to alienate anyone.

Okay, deep breath… here goes.

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About Shauna Reid

Ahoy there! I’m an author, copywriter and old school blogger. I love telling stories about life and helping my clients to tell theirs. Find out more about me and how we can work together.


96 thoughts on “Bizarre Double Life

  1. that Deep Breath ended up lasting three days while i freaked out some more. Ha ha ha! Eek.

    Disclaimer!

    I appreciate that many people already knew so may find this entry redundant or indulgent; after all I haven’t made any proper effort to keep it a secret for over a year now.

    This entry is just a courtesy for those who didn’t know, coz I’ve felt crap about that. Holy stressball, Batman. Sorry, sorry, sorry.

    So WNP was the last frontier needing to be Outed. I just wanted to finally acknowledge the presence of the other blog and get on with things πŸ™‚

  2. Shauna, You really are such a lovely person. Just the fact that you feel so much responsibility toward your readers and friends is really admirable. I mean, this is your life and your blogs so its really your decision whether you wish to “out” yourself or not! I actually found WNP through DietGirl so I am one of those people who “knew” already, and actually did not even realize that you did not have a link to your diet blog on this one. Anyway, your writing is fantastic, you are such an inspiration and obviously as beautiful on the inside as you are on the outside.

  3. I don’t even know you – but I really respect you. Your blog is always well written; often hilarious. I think all your readers will agree with me when I say: Well done. You have overcome walls inside yourself and those are always the hardest to climb.
    Okay, enough American Therapist Talk. I just love your blog and this post has made me respect you even more.
    P.s. If you knew me, you’d know that I’m quite fat-phobic. But you don’t disgust me! So that’s an achievement!

  4. Shauna! You sneak!
    Why am I always the last to find stuff out?
    Well, really, what an accomplishment. I know you’ve heard this a hundred (or a million…or a trillion) times before but, you should be proud, not embarrassed.
    I’m proud of you and I don’t even know you…

  5. how fantasic?! and strangely excting as a WNP reader (don’t ask me why … I don’t know!)
    ‘outing’ just gets you more respect, very very cool – well done.

  6. I was just thinking about your post and I remembered how I was soooooo chicken about blogging about the year I went to the gym, and god knows there’s a lot of blogworthiness in them there gyms. so hey, another reason to feel good about the choices you’ve made, you’ve got some guts shauny!

  7. Congratulations on having the courage to do what you feel is right. I think no one can blame you for wanting a little privacy while taking care of yourself.

    I love both your blogs and look foward to reading all your insights on any subject for as long as you decide to share.

  8. You’re amazing Shauny! If I was wearing a hat I’d doff it in your direction. I’ve lost over a quarter of my bodyweight and people at my class have used the ins*****ion word about me. However, the word should now have ‘see Shauna’ next to it in the dictionary!

  9. wow. not only do i now have to envy your ability as a writer, i also have to envy your perseverence and strength of will. that’s a lot of envy.

    it also gives me hope, though. i’ve been busting my own lard for almost two years now and i’ve become quite disheartened that i seem to have plateaued after losing just over 20 kilos. my goal is 35. but seeing as how you’ve managed to keep this up for five years now, i take heart.

    you definitely need a cape, though, with a big DG emblazoned on it. a long one, that swirls. and a hood!

  10. I’m impressed about the book stuff – well done! But a little annoyed that this isn’t the famous blog. WNP deserves more fame πŸ™‚
    Perhaps you could combine it to write the next book. The Scottish Atkins diet. How to keep your weight on supermarket mystery meats. Haha!

    But seriously, I think you’re great. I don’t mind being kept in the dark at all.
    xo

  11. Firstly, I don’t think you need to apologise to anyone for keeping an anonymous blog. I’ve enjoyed your writing here on WNP? for years now, but I would always have assumed that there was plenty about you I didn’t know. I don’t think you had (or have) any responsibility at all to share facts a b and/or c with me just because I subscribe to your RSS feed and succumb to humour-salivation whenever I see you’ve made a new post.

    Secondly, you might be interested to know that reading today’s post does bring together a couple of dangling threads that I had wondered about vaguely from time to time. I remember that early on, you used to make occasional reference to fat and weight loss. As those of us nurturing a nascent blog crush are wont to do, I had you pictured as attractively curvaceous.

    Then when the occasional photograph started to appear (I have a vague memory that the first one was taken in a mirror at a hotel somewhere), I remember thinking “My, but she’s a mere slip of a thing!” I could only assume that your earlier fat references were just an example of vanity and/or paranoia on the part of someone who was, for all intents and purposes, thin. It honestly didn’t occur to me that a massive (literally) change might have taken place in the interim.

    FWIW, over a similar time frame I’ve dropped about 40-50 kilograms, too, and no-one would know it by reading my blog. I prefer a simple Word document (currently growing at the rate of about 100 pages a month) to an anoymous blog as my sounding board and whipping post. I like being comforted by the drum of fingers on the keyboard without having to worry, even a little, about the inane boringness of most of what I’m writing, let alone the stuff that’s actually embarrassing. Amidst the clutter and the page-long reflections on profoundly uninteresting things, I do find that it gets my thoughts in some kind of order, and it generally prevents them from doubling back on themselves and collapsing in a downward spiral as they’re otherwise inclined to do.

    But enough about me. Suffice it to say that however diminished you may be in corpulence, you remain undiminished in my esteem. I’m in no way put out that you decided to keep this secret from those of us who only know you via your blog. In fact, I think it’s kind of cool.

  12. Long-time reader, very infrequent commenter.

    I don’t want to diminish the secret you have just unearthed…but I knew this secret! I read an article in New Idea or one of those similarly trashy magazines about Diet Girl a good year or two ago, and recognised your name and picture, and it also talked about Gareth. I just assumed you had changed web addresses when you reached your goal weight and WNP had evolved from that!

    I’m guessing the magazine didn’t have your permission? =P

    Anyway, good on you, Shauna! I’ve struggled with weight in the past, too, and it’s such an embarrassing thing to struggle with. I admire your ability to honestly and articulately share your feelings while going through that experience.

  13. cheers folks, you’re very kind. and i’ll send you an email dan!

    liam – cool! i think you might mean the article i wrote about it all for Australian Cosmo last year, which I think is the only one that’s come out in Oz… least i hope so! hehe.

    but would probably be the case if it mentions Gareth, since Gareth hasn’t been in the picture for all that long πŸ™‚

  14. Being honest – truly honest – in public is scary as shit. And being honest about the deepest, darkest, most neurosis-inspiring things in your life IN PUBLIC is terrifying. Congratulations – not only on the weightloss (of which you should be very proud), but on your honesty. Well done!!

    p.s. so how do you feel now that you clicked ‘publish’?

  15. Oh…my roommate told me not to ask. I’ m being a pest…
    I read some DG archives and it looks like she started weightwatchers with you back in the beginning.
    She’s ever so mysterious.
    Did she reach her goal? Still working on it?
    Healthy and happy either way?

  16. oh yeah, she did indeedy deelo! didn’t have much to lose, only took her a couple of months. she doesn’t muck around, that gal πŸ™‚

    i better go to sleep and try and stop freaking out. to answer your question lene, i feel relieved to have clicked Publish but at the same time wondering if i’m insane to have done it and if all the lurkers are thinking i’m a weirdo.

    och well. to bed…

    take care and a happy sunday to youse all!

  17. Oh wow. I am gobsmacked. Not only do you write like dream, but you also have bags of will power and determination! I am totally chuffed for you!

  18. Your Dietgirl blog helps me with my “diet mind” and your WNP blog helps me with my everyday life… it helps me to see things from a more cheerful advantage… I can be quite cynical sometimes. You have NO idea how you’ve helped me in the past year so cheers to you Shauna! Keep ’em coming, BOTH of them!

  19. You go, girl!

    And, going by the interview clip (couldn’t hear the rock band in the background — I think I need a higher volume setting on my Mac!) it sounds like you did it all in a really healthy way, too, which is that much harder.

    Congratulations, and thanks for sharing. You inspire me to get off my ass and try to Do Something about achieving my goals.

    (Oh, and thanks for vindicating chocolate.)

  20. Don’t remember when or how I found Dietgirl, but I do remember thinking, “I like this writing style. It reminds me of WNP.” Then I figured it out and felt… really embarrassed actually, like I’d caught you out. It was a few months before you started dropping hints on both blogs so then I relaxed a bit! And now I’m just annoyed I don’t have a new blog’s archives to go through, because I knew about them both!

  21. Wow. I had no idea. You’re amazing.

    (I wrote a lot more, but I’ve deleted it because this is your blog and you know, I tend to go on a bit…)

    Well done you. Truly, you’re amazing.

  22. Holy response batman! I won’t add any more since everyone else has used up my words, so I’ll just say you rawk, good on you, admiration for you increased NINE times etc etc to infinity. πŸ™‚

  23. You go girl! You have every right to reveal what you want, and protect what you want to protect. We all have barriers – no-one is a complete blurter. It’s part of who we are for the blog we define, because the writer is never the whole person.

    The dietblog is worth keeping because staying at our most effective weight is actually a bit continuous. Age, babies, increasing time at the computer and new takeaways all mess with the feeding and metabolic responses.

    Your description of being secretive is fascinating, and makes a heap of sense. And part of that wonderful blogparadox of privacy and revelation.

    (btw Dan – you always make fine sense to me).

  24. I’m mostly reiterating what others have said, but just for the record, I honestly don’t think you need to feel as though you owe us readers anything, or even that by not speaking up about your weightloss adventures you were actively deceiving us. The fact that you offer us your fab writing is, in itself, rather generous and we have no claim on anything you feel you’d prefer to keep private.

    That said, I’m happy you’ve shared this with us now, in part because, while it was obviously scary and difficult to “come clean,” it sounds as though it will ultimately be a relief. And also because now we can all say congratulations!

    So: Congratulations!!!

  25. You certainly were entitled to your ‘secret life’ but now you’ve been outed: Well done!
    Good luck with the book, I’m sure it will find a lot of readers πŸ™‚

  26. Oh you dag!! Everyone is entitled to a bit of privacy; there is absolutely no need for you to apologise. You ARE a paranoid twit, but such a funny, quirky, beautiful, inspirational twit I’ve not come across for quite some time.

    Congratulations on the weight loss – three cheers for Shauny! *clink*

  27. Love you, Shauny, yours is one of the very first blogs I found but it’s seldom bettered.

    But, a question… You wanted to lose weight… and you moved to … Scotland?????????!!!!!

    Are ye mad hen?!

  28. helen, i guess i likes a challenge πŸ˜›

    cheers everyone! breathing slowly returning to normal!!!

  29. Having been one of the ones who, I think, made you nervous when i’d found dietgirl after a fair few months of enjoying Pussycat, I just wanted to say again, your writing is fab and you come across as being a real sweetheart (which may of course all be another cunning disguise…). You may have been forced into owning up but well done all the same – I totally sympathise with how what a horrible, gutwrenching feeling that must have been. I’m an anonymous blogger myself but it’s so hard to not say anything that might give clues to my identity, and then of course discovery is only ever unlikely the other way round (real world to blog), not impossible. In fact I’m fairly sure that there is at least one lurker on my site who knows me in real life and found my site through my carelessness, and I have not been brave enough to follow your lead and invite them to declare themselves. That must have been a nervous moment for you too!

  30. Just wanted to say well done for losing all the weight, you really are a wonderful role model to anyone who wants to slim down a bunch and doesn’t think they can. Must say being ashamed of yourself was silly but we all do that sometimes, again congrats

  31. You blew me away with that one Shawny. Been following your blog since Jan 04….my first shock with you was reading your old blogs (laughed my way thru them) and saw you came from Canberra and regions…where I set off from to make my journey to live now in Paris…(must be something about boring old Canberra that people just get up and stomp out!- never to return).
    But the best thing now is two fold…*1. I can read all your archived stories on your other blog and *2. its a topic that hits home with me too…thanks for all the time you put into your blogs (both of them) and letting people know your feelings. Your one of the best Shawny!

  32. I just wanted to add to the others that I too in no way feel betrayed – if anything, I’m immensely proud that you realise now your Pussycat People are a very supportive bunch πŸ˜€ I also COMPLETELY understand your need to hide. I too have serious weight issues that I cannot talk about with anybody… I’m off to check out your other blog, which I’ve never read before, and look forward to hearing about how you did what you did.

  33. Well done you!! I always wondered why there were few photos of you and I was thinking how svelte (my fav word) you were looking but I had no idea of the rest.

    And I saw your link to the Skynews yesterday and was not twangy at all – I love the Scottish/Aussie accent.

  34. I’m another one who found WNP via Dietgirl a few years ago, and I know how you were stressed at times about being “found out” by your WNP readers. I’m glad you found the courage to out yourself, and everyone is being as supportive as I knew they would be! You are SO not a freak – you are amazing and wonderful. I love reading both blogs and can’t wait for your book!!

  35. Wow, good on you. I can understand freaking out about it, but I’m glad you outed yourself – I had no idea your other blog existed πŸ˜€

  36. Another long time reader, first time commenter: I think you are fantastic and hitting the Publish button took guts. You aren’t a freak or paranoid or a coward or anything. You are you, and I think I speak on behalf of many, that we love reading your blog for exactly that reason.

    PS: I will buy your book published by Xerox, if only you can ship it to Canada eh?! πŸ˜‰ Cheers

  37. Wow Shauna! I have a whole new level of respect for an already amazing gal. You are quite incredible. That must have taken such perserverance; I can’t even imagine.

    I’m thrilled to hear you’re writing a book. You have great talent—I’ve said this many times before—and the world needs to see your talent in print, in the front rack at Barnes & Noble (HUGE American bookseller chain).

    *applause*
    *hugs*

    Well done, really.
    t

  38. HOLY CRAP! I haven’t seen you since you left Australia. I am speechless girl! You look amazing! You were always a beautiful person, but you can see the difference in your smile. You look so much happier! I’m so very proud of you!

  39. I am a long time reader of WNP, though tend to lurk in the background…

    May I just say congratulations!

    You look absolutely amazing and are an inspiration.

    I could waffle on about how much I love reading your blog, but must dash now, have a few years of ‘Dietgirl’ to catch up on.

    Love your work

  40. you know, i’ve been reading WNP for about …. seven years now.

    every now and then, wonderful shauna, you write something that reminds me how much i loves you.

    MWAH.

    bjb

  41. I find it difficult to write anything here that hasn’t been said before, but the trouble is that it’s all true. I stumbled upon your blog a few months back, and it is this that has triggered me to comment.

    I can relate so much that it scares me…

    Cherish the fact that after all your work, you’re on your way to a happy ending.

    Amazing, and truly wonderful.

    Thanks.

  42. Aaah, Shauny girl, you rule like one of those metre rulers I have no doubt the Mothership has bandied about before many a class. In short: YOU ARE THE RULINGEST.

    I think that the people referring to DG in your WNP comments (when you had obviously made no reference to keeping this blog for a reason) were very VERY thoughtless for doing so, and should have saved it for private correspondence, and maybe should be beaten over the head with the mentioned metre ruler. BUT, perhaps it was that they thought you didn’t have anything to hide.

    And you don’t.

    So, in spite of sort of being forced to do so, I hope this entry frees you up of the unnecessary stress.

    I’ll say it again: ROCK ON, SHAUNYYYYYYYYYY!

  43. Shauna – you rule! I admire your strength and courage. You’re a gorgeous and hilarious girl and don’t forget it.

  44. I hope you’re no longer feeling bad about it. As somebody said above, those who didn’t know now have a whole lot more of your writing to discover.

    I have no idea, now, how I got to Pussycat from Dietgirl, but I’m very glad I did…

    I would guess (indeed hope, really) that everyone has things they don’t bring up on their blog. That doesn’t mean they shouldn’t, if they feel like it, but it’s hardly an obligation.

  45. So you should be PROUD! And I’m amazed to find out that there are other people in this world who were made to feel that to be found reading a book as a child was a crime. i too, was a secret torch in wardrobe reader, or perched up the top of the liquid amber tree when it was in full leaf reader. Perhaps book reading for kids back then was like TV for kids is now, demonized as some sort of mind-softening time-wasting inactive pursuit that would turn kids into vegetables?

  46. aw… I was hoping you were going to admit to being an algebraically programmed android designed to alternately demoralize and inspire aspiring writers with your wit, style and popularity (I’m not exactly sure why but Canberra is always plotting some devious plan, no?)… and then you go and admit to being human. Sheesh, there goes another cherished conspiracy theory.

    That was honestly meant to be a complement, by the way… you deserve every iota of success that comes your way, you secret squirrel, you!

    So now I have two reasons to be jealous… mumble mumble bloody good writer mumble mumble loses weight and keeps it off mumble mumble mumble pout…

  47. Shauna, you desrve a round of applause and a slap.

    the former for getting to a point where you feel better, the salpafor all the carry on in your head.

    You have a coterie of friends,admirers, readers and sundry monkeys. All of whom are on your side a lot more of the time than you are.

    silly mare.

    Oh and The Scottish Companion is a very lucky laddy and no mistake.

    You were very good on the telly too.

    No more doubt.

    Pol x

  48. I am another reader who found WNP from DG, so had no idea you weren’t “out” here. The writing is great, I’m looking forward to the book.

  49. Now, I’m pretty sure I read your site before you moved to Scotland but I don’t recall anything out of the ordinary…

    But I will say this.

    BRAVO!!!

    Now, when’s this book out?

  50. oh god knows gordon dear, i still have to write the fucker, only 1/3 the way there. then i try and find a publisher or do a couple hundred photocopies!!!

    thanks for your comments everyone.

    except for that slap, pol!

  51. I take my hat off in admiration! Congratulations and very best wishes with your weight loss, blogging and book.
    PS: you were great on the TV!

  52. Hey – by the way, almost definitely sure your green fruit are greengages. I haven’t seen them recently but my mum used to get them all the time when we were little. Very similar to plums.

  53. :O

    Wow, Shauna, I get busy for the weekend and look what I come back to! I knew some of this story, but not about the blog!

    I hope you feel good about coming clean. I know a lot of people admire you and your sites, so I hope this inspires people. I think you are always at your best when you are pushing yourself a little.

    When we were chatting all the time in 01/02 (which kept me from murdering you know who, by the way), I had no clue what you looked like and I didn’t care. You look gorgeous now, but (corny warning) I thought your personality and humor was gorgeous then.

    Good luck with the book. I know you have tons of geniusy friends, but I would be happy to look at pieces of it. If you get jammed with the book, or it’s not what you want it to be, keep writing!!!

    You are awesome! I’m glad I know you.

  54. Tremendously well done, shauny. You look great and you’ve pulled off a major, major achievement. Downright inspirational. I’m proud of you mistress! XOXO, Jack.

  55. Oh, don’t worry, Shauny. Despite being a pretty confessional guy, I hide things all the time from my reading public, sometimes sneaking them into blog entries once I know that the statute of limitations has passed and the incident is fair game. And even then, there’s the risk of coming across like some solipsistic Norman Mailer type.

    However, having said that, what one reveals and what one chooses to conceal is nowhere nearly as important as one expects.

    And having said that, congratulations on your great achievement! You conquered something that the Western world often views with dismissive shame and you did so with quiet courage! So congratulations big time!

  56. Congratulations on your achievement, and on finally coming clean. I’m a long-term WNP reader but was blown away by the revelation. I’ve been looking through your DietGirl blog and found it so inspirational – and kind of familiar for someone who’s been through the same kind of experience over the last 12 months. You should be proud of yourself and shouting from the rooftops about how well you’ve done!
    Keep up the good work on both blogs!

  57. Oh, you are just so cute. Mwah. As you know, I’ve known for yonks! even before you started dropping hints over at DG. I can’t even remember which blog I found first, DG or WNP, and then put 2 and 2 together. I’ve loved both your blogs equally since I found them and have cheered you all the way. You rawk! πŸ™‚

  58. Lorraine, here. Trevor’s wife, in New York. What you have done borders on the impossible. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve embarked on a new “I’m going to change my life, starting today” campaign, writing on page 1 of an expensive blank book, only to give up before a second journal entry. Months later, when I embark on yet another campaign, I’ll tear that page out and throw it away. Then there will be a new page 1 to write my new life-changing manifesto.

    You took your life back one pound (or kilogram) at a time and the the fact that you could stick with it for six months, let alone six years, is almost too much for me to comprehend. I have enjoyed your wit and fabulous writing style on WNP ever since Trevor found it: but now I know you are a superhero and destined for truly great things.

    We are both just so impressed! We can’t get over it!

    What an incredible story! And yes, DO write the book! Obviously people are interested.

  59. (Without wanting to sound like a stalker), you were beautiful in your before photos and you are in your current ones. Your skill in writing, your obvious humility, your sense of humour, your good taste in men (well the one you have seems pretty special, anyway) there’s so many things to admire about you – the fact that you were dedicated enough to lose all that weight is another. Losing weight is incredibly hard and you should be proud enough to tell the world.

  60. I would completely read/buy your book if you got published…your blog is high up on my list of favourite daily clicks and more often than not gets a cackle out of me as I’m reading πŸ™‚ You’re brave, funny & an honorary Scott…what’s not to love? I for one am glad you went ahead and pressed `publish’!

  61. Shauna, I would have written a comment earlier, but I’ve been a little distracted by a “new” blog, devouring the posts madly each night … and trying to avoid the tempation to log on at work! (I know when I was working at ye old recruitment agency and found WNP I spent a stack of time hunched over my computer at lunch reading the archives – enough to be caught by a colleague who told me you were a contractor of said agency!!).

    Your writing here on WNP has kept me visiting this site regularly over the last 4 years, and your confession that you have another blog, one about such an incredible journey – well it’s like finding a goldmine for me! Not only is DG inspiring and addictive and extremely well written, it’s motivating me to keep on exercising and and giving me lots of confidence that I can achieve anything if I put my mind to it.

    You really are an inspiration and you should be SO proud of yourself Shauna.

  62. If “Fear is the Mind Killer” then Shame is the Soul Stealer. Congratulations on slaying the beast. You rock more than anyone I know, virtually or otherwise…

  63. hi,
    i’m not one to comment on these boards a lot; but i felt like i needed to say great freakin job! i’ve been reading wnp for about 1 1/2 years and i look forward to all your new posts. but i started reading dg yesterday (i’m only on october 2001) and i must say i’m really enjoying your writing. i think it’s so amazing that you were able to accomplish your goal. your willpower is toxic and is seeping in through my computer screen. i’m sure that your achievement will inspire others.

  64. You are gorgeous, smart, witty and have alot of heart. I would buy ANYTHING you wrote, I’ll have my fingers crossed for a book deal.

  65. Having read WNP since it was just a tiny kittycat, I’m ashamed to say I had no idea any of this was going on, sorry to hear about all of the (completely unnecessary) angst you’ve suffered over it, and as proud and happy as I can be for you.

    You certainly don’t owe any of us the details of your life, however much we all appreciate those that we get! It’s sad to think that you weren’t sure your loyal readers wouldn’t back you up no matter what, but it’s great that you’ve overcome that unreasonble fear, and I just wanted to add my voice to the chorus of well-deserved support. You’re a great writer, a wonderful person, and now you’re thin. YAY!

  66. Hi Shauny,

    First thing that I suppose is important to say is that it doesn’t matter what anyone else (or me) says here – it’s how YOU feel about how you’ve changed. It doesn’t mean squat if everyone else says you look wonderful if you don’t feel that way yourself.

    I had wondered why there weren’t any photos of you in the beginning – then they started to trickle in to your blog.

    That said, what a fabulous transformation. I hadn’t even guessed you were becoming even more of a media mega-star (errmm…).

    Congratulations all around, it’s been great following your stories whatever you looked like – the humour and the love story on the end much more important.

    It’s funny that coming to the UK sometimes helps weight loss (I’ve gotten much healthier here) despite the amazingly stodgy traditional English food. Maybe it’s the fact the we suddenly have to choose our food – all our normal brands don’t exist so we can’t shop on auto-pilot. That and Mum isn’t doing the shopping either πŸ˜‰

    And it’s more than image too – losing the excess (like I did) can make you feel a whole lot better. The hard bit being to be healthy thin rather than eating too little thin (must read blog no. 2!).

    If I’ve said anything that could be taken as bad – I apologise. I haven’t meant to.

    Thanks for another wonderful post.

    Scott xx

  67. We still love yer.

    P.S. CafePress.com will publish for you with minimal upfront from what I understand. Going to publishing houses is pushing shit up a hill with a pointy stick.

  68. Hi Shauna ! lol you might find this ironic but a good friend in COWRA told me about your other blog last year when I mentioned how it was such a small world and that you had found my blog. She said ” I’m not 100% but I think its the same girl” She had been reading DG for quite a while now as she is a larger lady herself.

    You are such an inspiration. It is not really about a secret double life… its about being able to be happy and encouraging here even if you might be battling cupcakes or other demons inside. It shows strength and resolve.

    Hope you remember your fans when your book goes bigtime and gets even more publicity than “Lazy girls guide” πŸ˜‰

  69. Hmmm Miss Shauny. Not a single bad word in all those comments. What does that tell you? Stand tall sweetie, you did good in bringing your two worlds together. Now do you feel better? NJ

  70. do you know the definition of brave? It’s doing something that you’re terrified of and doing it anyway. I had NO idea you were freaked out that much and I wish I’d been more supportive. Better late than never, I suppose. Shauny, you’re amazingly brave and an inspiration, truly you are. lots of love!

  71. Shauna, I had no idea, I’ve been so remiss in my normal blog reading the last three years! You’ve made an amazing accomplishment. Congratulations on doing it the right way, through a good diet and exercise. I only wish other people would do it as healthily as you have.

    (I’ll be in Central Scotland, I hope, later this year. We never met when you stopped in Singapore… presumptuous of me to ask, but I’d love to meet you when I’m there.)

  72. oh shauna! i’ve been a pussycatian for a few years now and i used to wonder why you didn’t post more photos because you’re so pretty, but then you have such an overwhelmingly fantastic personality and such great writing skills that it never really mattered [in that a lot of other blogs i read are not very well written but they have photos to distract me].

    i can’t believe you were so stressed about letting people know! how could you not be loved? i’d love you if you were purple and spikey like a cactus.

  73. aaah i jusat read this post… for some reason i just didn’t see it earlier. i think i came across this blog from the ginger one and thought wow… this girl is amazing. not just keeping up the blog but getting through it all. i totally understand everything you have gone through.

    all credit to you shauna! you should be proud of this achievement and i hope the friendship which has diminished eventually comes back… they’d be the twit for being angry at you.

  74. hey shauna,
    i actually knew about your other blog when your Other Blog was featured in a Singapore paper some time back. (I thought – hang on, that girl sounds familiar…and what a groovy looking chick!!!)

    i didn’t realise you’re now a published author (congrats!), and i certainly look forward to seeing more of your work in print.

  75. Hi Shauny
    loved your pussy cat blog but always felt your critic of scottish food was too near the truth to have been writen by a skinny australian chick who spent her days prior to coming here surfing and playing volleyball ? ? how that for a biased view of australians
    So it was the missing link to read about your secret blog and other persona. Truth be told it made me feel that you were a much more interesting character . yes I am a fatty who would love to lose weight as long as it does’nt change my life so for the sake of my sanity I try to stay more on the Dawn French side of things – yes I am fat but I still deserve to have a life and enjoy myself .
    I have loved reading this whole other blog and now have 2 to read – thankyou
    Good luck with your book perhaps I can come and hear you talk one year at the Edinburgh book festival and get you to sign your latest!!
    awra best

  76. HOTDIGGETYSHITFIRE!

    Holy crap, well done, that’s amazing! You’ve really inspired me to keep at it so I actually approach some semblence of athleticism when I start playing american footy again next year.

    Damn, that’s just… daaaaamn…

    – Mikey

  77. Aw, lady – you know that I knew, but it made *no difference whatsoever*.

    I suppose hearing someone say that and believing it yourself are two very different things, though, so I have to say that I’m very glad that you’re at a point where you’re cool with it. It’s good to see.

  78. girl, i love your blog, and you are under no obligation to reveal to readers any etails about your volume. you can have as many blogs, and as anonymous, as you like. you’re not a public official or something.
    and you ARE lovely and nobody would ever say anything mean to you!

  79. Shauny – as usual I am late, I am speechless and I love you all the more. You are AMAZING!!! Truly ruly! The very very best. XXXXXXX

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