Last weekend we made our triumphant return to the very top of Scotland and my favourite village… TONGUE! You may remember our last trip to Tongue and the bazillion photos I’d taken of signs that said TONGUE this and TONGUE that. Turned out I’d missed one!
Before we got to the Tongue we were in Inverness, stopping off at Culloden – the site of the last major battle to be fought on British soil. It’s quite interesting and moving wandering through the field, visualising the brief and bloody battle. But I have to admit my favourite bit was this sign:
We also popped by the Clava Cairns. They date back to 2000BC but they’ll be more remembered by us as The Place Where Shauna Did An Enormous Fart That Echoed Through The Trees, Not Noticing The Elderly American Tourist Standing Behind Her.
But back to Tongue. We ate dinner in a pub beneath the Tongue Hotel, where the locals played darts and spoke with bizarre accents. They were such decent folk that the barwoman wandered off for twenty minutes and nobody stole anything! Not even a wee bag o’ pork scratchings. That wouldn’t happen where we live.
We stayed in a lovely B&B that served delicious breakfasts with Madonna’s Greatest Hits playing in the background. Our room became slightly less lovely when I stupidly opened the window to let in some fresh air. A giant black cloud of midges immediately stormed in. D’oh!
So we spent the next ten minutes swearing and thrashing the air with towels, in the hope of snuffing out the little biting bastards. And then a further ten minutes was required to wipe their smeared corpses off the walls.
But it was too little too late. I was awoken on Sunday morning by the sound of my own fingernails frantically scratching dozens of giant red lumps all over my body. And let me tell you, those little shits are NOT shy about where they bite.
After breakfast I picked up some souvenir I HEART Tongue fridge magnets for my colleagues, then we crawled along a single-track road to Durness. Oh baby! Caves! Sheep! Pristine sea and spectacular white beaches! And the sky was more blue than a pervy old man’s video collection. Scotland is so breathtakingly beautiful it just makes your bones ache.
I’m aware this has been a What I Did On My Weekend blog lately, but it’s summer and one has to turn off the computer and go forth and Do Stuff because soon it will be too dark and depressing to get out of bed. Rather than ramble on further, go forth and check out the photies! They have glowing captions too, so you can see I am doing my bit for Scottish tourism and not just slagging off the food!