I have officially just run out of festive cheer. I was all fired up after watching Nigella groping dried fruits and tree ornaments on her show last week and thought, Capital! I am going to do some baking for my work colleagues. Much better than a tin of Quality Street!
So I spent five bloody days poring over my cookbooks and finally decided I would do a Festive Muffin Fest. I narrowed it down to five recipes and spent a fortune on ingredients and even got a new muffin tray. And after all that? THE MUFFINS TURNED OUT SHIT.
I started with the trusty Chocolate Banana muffins that I have made a million times to great acclaim but tonight they were a disaster. Crusty on top and slimy sludge inside. And then the ones with the Nutella in the middle all broke in half. And now the pineapple tropical-ish ones refuse to come out of the tin.
I have no idea why the first dozen failed, let alone THREE DOZEN FAILURES. I am far too cranky to speculate. You can't get much easier than muffins. And I was so careful measure everything properly and not overmix. Perhaps the muffins sensed they would be going before a critical audience and just collapsed under the weight of expectation.
Gareth is a resourceful fella and sawed off all the muffin tops which are almost edible, albeit ugly. He may eat one with a cup of tea as he is contractually obliged to be polite. But all I have to show for three hours of labour is a big bag full of greasy stumps and a filthy kitchen. And no stinking presents for the lads at work.
And I still haven't written any stinking Christmas cards. I am just waiting for the right pen, you know. Hopefully in the next couple of days the right pen will come along and jump into my hand and make the propsect of writing Christmas cards seem wildly exciting.
And I still don't have anything to wear to the stinking work Christmas party on Friday. I spent two hours in the shops this afternoon and just wanted to strangle myself with the nearest bit of tinsel. No matter what the shop, change room, mirror angle or configuration of fluroscent lighting, I looked completely shit in everything.
I quite fancy going outside and hurling muffin stumps at passing cars but it is SLEETING right now so I shall go to bed instead. Rah!
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