Earth-shattering events of 2007 thus far:
- Chopped off my left thumbnail while wrestling with this stupid pumpkin. I knew a serrated breadknife wasn't the right tool for the job but persisted regardless
- Broke a mirror
- Fell asleep pants doon on the toilet after a big night out
- Was violently ill for three days straight
The last one happened because I was trying to stick to my twin New Years Resolutions of Saving Money and Keeping In Touch With Friends. I was in the post office in the first week of January sending a whole bunch of cards to Folks Back Home. I was straddling the space between old bad habits and fresh resolve:
- Wedding Card for wedding a month earlier
- 2 x Baby Cards for babes born in November
- Birthday Card for a birthday the next day
- Anniversary card for February
So I was writing on my cards there in the post office and feeling good about the ones that weren't late and also because I'd bought a roll of Christmas wrapping paper on sale for £1. The Mothership used to buy all her cards and paper in the January sales and I felt proud to be following in her footsteps, rather than disturbed.
When I joined the queue there was two Australian girls in front of me. They were about ten years old and holding postcards. Australians are always running amok in Edinburgh but you rarely see them out here. It's like seeing a tiger in the supermarket or a nun in a strip joint. A truly novel occurrence.
"HELLO CANNOIVE SOME STAMPS FOR SENDING THESE TO ASTRAYA PLOISE?" Girl 1 bellowed to the cashier.
That melted my heart and made me all the happier for my renewed attempts to keep in contact with the Motherland.
I floated smugly all the way home and it wasn't til I got to the front door that I realised I'd left my bargain wrapping paper in the post office. Oooh I was cranky. But far too lazy to walk back all that way for a pound.
So I started making my lunch, which was poached egg and a salad as I recall. Something thrifty befitting my resolution. I was still fuming about the wrapping paper as I took the egg out of the carton. I noticed it had a dent in the top, you could even say it was somewhat… pre cracked. Somewhere in the back of my mind a wee voice said, You're not supposed to eat broken eggs, dickhead but I said to the voice, "I can't throw it away! I'm trying to save money!".
I ended up spending the last three days of my holidays kneeling before the toilet and Ctrl-Zedding every meal, which proved far more costly that that one little egg. I'll try harder next month.