Recently Gareth and I were watching Local Hero, a great old Scottish movie. Well, 1983 isn't really old in the scheme of things, but the bad suits and telex machines were alarmingly quaint.
Anyway, there's a scene where the dude walks into the wee shop and asks for shampoo. The shopkeeper says, "Normal or Greasy?"
"Greasy?" I said, "Did you really call it Greasy over here?"
"Oh aye," said Gareth. His eyes became misty, recalling the distant days when he still needed shampoo. "Dry, Normal or Greasy."
"I see. It used to be Dry, Normal or Oily in Australia."
Married couple banter is so scintillating.
But seriously, whatever happened to Oily and Greasy shampoo? You just don't get that anymore. Somewhere along the line the marketeers decided that we were too delicate for such a direct and nasty label, so it was softened down to Frequent or Regular Use.
Personally I have wispy, pathetic locks so I look for words like Fine or Volume or Body. What else can you do, really, when there's ten dozen different brands with basically the same ingredients? I sift through the crowd looking for the most convincing copywriting, the most reassuring adjectives, the biggest ego boost. Hmm, this one claims bounce and shine but this one promises a just-out-of-the-salon feeling. What to do? WHAT TO DO!?
(TANGENT: Dove and their Real Beauty Campaign. Yes, that's all very dandy to use Real Chicks in your advertising. I know you're trying to make me feel good about myself, Just The Way I Am. But somehow I'm even less inclined to buy your stuff because it's like you're that bitch in the playground at school who says nice things to me so I'll do her bidding. Like, you don't really think I'm pretty, do you? You're only saying it so I'll buy your goodies. Ha ha ha)
The other day I was shopping for groceries online and "browsing" the shampoo "aisle". It's impossible to do my usual label analysis because all you have is a fuzzy JPG of the bottle. So I randomly clicked on Garnier Fructis Body & Volume. It was only when it arrived the next day that I saw the soul-crushing subtitle, FOR FLAT, LIFELESS HAIR.